どうも、小野田です。
あなたは自分のことを「人見知り」だと思ってますか？
僕自身も今はだいぶ克服できましたが、
昔はかなりの人見知りでした。
たとえば人見知りな人にはこんな特徴があります。
・マスクするとめっちゃ落ち着く（マスクは救世主）
・初対面の人と話すのが苦手
・人の目を見るのが苦手
・１日誰かと遊んだら、１日休み（チャージ期間）が必要
・沈黙が苦手でアワアワする
・人が沢山いるとモゾモゾして落ち着かない
・人前で話すことに抵抗感がある
もし１つでも当てはまることがあるなら、
きっとあなたの役に立てると思いますので、
続きを読み進めてみては？
【動画ver.】
人見知りの原因と心理
まず大前提として、人それぞれ元々の気質があるので、
内向的→外向的になったりはしません。
というか、そうする必要もないんですが・・・。
内向的タイプには
内向的タイプなりの才能があるし、
外向的タイプには
外向的タイプなりの才能があります。
自分の逆のタイプに憧れを感じる時期もあると思いますが、
隣の芝生は青く見えるだけ。
ですから、
克服なんてしようと思わなくていいんですよ。
致命的な支障が出ないくらいに、
緩和できればオッケー。
まずは、これが大前提！
その上で、致命的な支障が出ないくらいに
緩和していくためには、まずは原因を知ります。
人見知りの原因は、ここに集約されます・・・
自尊心の低さ
セルフイメージ、という理解でもオッケーです。
自尊心というのは、
自分に対する肯定的な態度のこと。
自分のことを認められてなかったり、
ダメな奴だと思ってたり、
性格悪いと思ってると自尊心は低くなります。
で、自尊心が低いと自信も持てませんし、
人と接するときに、
「悪い印象を持たれたら嫌だな」
という思いがあるので、背中が丸くなってしまうんですね。
僕もそうでした。
おかげで猫背でしたからね。
（↑ただ姿勢が悪かっただけ）
アドラー心理学的には？
こういう人見知りの源泉を考えるとき、
アドラー心理学の視点も参考になるのでサクサクっと紹介しておきますね。
アドラー心理学では「目的論」があって、
「人の行動には必ずなにか目的がある」という考えがベースになってます。
その考えで「なぜ人見知りになったのか？」を考えると、
こういう理論になります。
”嫌われたくない、傷つきたくない、
という目的があって、「人見知りでいる」という手段を選んだのだ”
これがアドラー心理学の目的論な考え方。
視野を狭めないためにも、覚えておくといいでしょう。
それらを踏まえて・・・
緩和する方法３選
正直、これで１ヶ月の講座やりたいくらい
話したいことがあるし、それだけの知識もあります。
ただ、すべてをこの記事だけに書くのは不可能なので、
３つ選んで紹介しますね。
１．人を評価しない
人見知りな人は、周りの評価を気にする特徴があります。
そもそも、これは何故ですかね？
答えはシンプル。
人を評価してるからです。
僕もこれをやってました。
・あの人のこういう所は良くない
・あの人のあの癖は治すべき
・あの人の話はいまいち面白くない
そんな風に人を評価してると、
自分も周りから評価されてる気がするんですね。
すると、周りの目が気になるようになり、
評価されてるような気分になり、
背中を丸めて縮こまってしまうんです。
ですから、
人を評価するのを止めるのがオススメ。
いい評価されなくても価値あるものは沢山ある。
というのを知ること。
あなたも、周りの人を評価してませんか？
２．無愛想でいよう
愛想良くしなくていいんです。
無愛想でいいんですよ。
ただ、無愛想というのは、
「冷たくなる」って意味ではありません。
文字通り、愛想が無いこと。
つまり、平常運転してればいいってことです。
無理に愛想良くしてる人って、
相手に伝わりますからね。
その違和感に、気持ち悪さすら感じてしまいます。
距離が縮まるどころか、むしろ壁ができます。
無愛想で接するからこそ、
相手との壁がなくなり、距離が縮まるのです。
これが腑に落ちると、
人と接するのがめちゃくちゃ楽になります。
３．相手を信じる
大丈夫。
人はそんな簡単にあなたのことを嫌いになったりしません。
だから、相手を信じる。
「この人は、そんな簡単に人を嫌いになる人じゃない」
って。
もしそれで嫌われたとしても、
それはもう合わなかった、ってことです。
そこを無理して愛想良くして付き合い続けても、
エネルギー消耗してしんどいだけ。
誘いを断るのにも
大量のエネルギー消耗しちゃいます。
２つ目の無愛想にも通ずることなんですが、
無愛想でいるためには相手を信じないといけません。
これは、信じる根拠があるとかじゃなくて、
「信じる」と決めるだけ。
無愛想に人を信じた先に、
本当に自分とマッチするいい人間関係が築けるんです。
最後に
実は人見知りなんじゃなくて、
「慣れてないだけ」というパターンもあります。
人と接するのに苦手意識があるからこそ、
人と接するのを避けるから慣れないんですね。
そんな場合の荒療治としては、
人と接しざるを得ない場に飛び込むのがオススメ。
僕はアルバイトでそれをやって、
最初はお客さんに「あの子暗いね」と言われたりもしましたが、
２年続けたらだいぶ緩和されました。
人間は、この地球上のどんな生物よりも
”適応して慣れる”のが得意なので、
その性質を応用するのもオススメです。
慣れる＋３つの意識を
ぜひ参考にしていただければと思います。
では、ありがとうございました！
【関連記事】
人見知りの長所５つ＆向いてる仕事は？
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
直接LINEでのやり取りもできます。
（400人以上が参加）
（もしくはLINE ID「@carory」で@込みで検索）
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