聞き上手のコツは、聞き方よりも”コレ”が大事

恋愛・コミュニケーション

聞き方のコツであり極意とは?

どうも、小野田です。

【動画VER.】

「どうやら聞き上手はモテるらしい」
と聞いて、いろいろ調べたことがあります。

調べて出てきたのが・・・

◆相槌をしっかりする
◆リアクションを大きくする
◆笑顔でいる
◆おうむ返しする
◆相手を否定しない

だいたいこういうテクニックでした。

もちろん、こういうのも有効です。
 

本当の聞き上手は、
相手に「自分って話し上手かも!」と感じさせます。

ですが、もし自分の話を聞いてる人が
お面でも被ってるのかな?ってくらい無反応だったら、
「自分って話し上手かも!」なんて思いませんよね。

むしろ自信なくします。苦笑

なので、相槌するとか笑顔でいるのも大事なこと。
 

でも、そもそもとして、
”コレ”がないと始まらないよな、ってものがあります。
 

”コレ”があるからこそ人の話を聞いていられるし、
人のことに興味が持てます。

”コレ”があるからこそ、
「俺はねー!」みたいに相手の話を奪わず、
相手の話をじっくり聞けます。

”コレ”があるからこそ、
相手を否定することもなくなります。
 

どんなテクニックよりも大事なことです。

よく言われる聞き方テクニックが
木の枝だとすれば、”コレ”は幹。

(注:木を描いたつもりです)
 

じゃあ、その”コレ”って何なのか?

どんな禁断の果実なんだろうと期待してるかもですが、
めちゃくちゃシンプルなこと。

大事なことは、いつだってシンプル。
 

さて。

「早く言えよ!」って声が聞こえてきそうなので、そろそろ書きましょう。
 

”コレ”とは・・・
 

自分を好きでいること。

これは「自尊心の高さ」でもいいし、
「セルフイメージの高さ」という理解でもOKです。

とにかく、自分を好きでいること。
 

聞き上手のコツは、究極、これだけなのです。
めちゃくちゃシンプルですよね。

逆に、これが無くてテクニックを使おうとしても、
相手は違和感を感じるだけ。
 

自分を好きだからこそ、
「褒めてもらいたい!」とか
「認めてもらいたい!」
という思いが少ないので、相手の話に口を挟まず聞いていられます。

自分を好きだからこそ、
相手の考えを否定することなくそのまんま受け取れます。

自分を好きだからこそ、
「もっと自分を知って欲しい!」
とはならず、相手のことに興味を持てるんですね。
 

よくこういうのってテクニックとして語られてます。

・相手に興味を持て
・否定するな
・相手の話を奪うな

みたいに。
 

ですが、こういうのって
テクニックとしてやるものだと思いますか?

僕はおかしいと思います。

「テクニックとしてやるものじゃなくて、
自然にやるものだろう」
って。
 

じゃあ、これらが自然にできる人ってどんな人か?

を考えたら、
「自分を好きな人」に行き着くのです。
 

「聞き上手」って聞くと、
「相手のことを好きでいるのが大事」というイメージがあります。

ですが、実は、逆。

「聞き上手」な人とは、
自分のことを好きでいる人。

なのです。
 

では、今回はこれで。
いつもありがとうございます。

自分を好きでいたり自尊心高めたいなら、
僕のLINE@参加しておくのがオススメ。
 

◆LINE@も好評です◆

技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
=コミュニケーション力

そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。

直接LINEでのやり取りもできます。
(400人以上が参加)

(もしくはLINE ID「@carory」で@込みで検索)

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