どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。
あ、Youtubeも見てね！
「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
（↑つまりドライアイ）
今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。
恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる
とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。
いやいやいや！
あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと？
んなわけあるかい！って。
取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。
もっとシンプルでいいのに。
「他の人との違いは何か？」
これでいいじゃん。
たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。
僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー！って思う。
でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
なんでか？
これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。
「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない＝自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。
自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。
だけど、
好きになってもらえない＝価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。
だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。
そういう保険だ。
いやいやいや！
無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ！
（↑なに言ってんだコイツ）
何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない＝価値がない」
の思い込みが違うんだよ。
「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。
恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。
”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。
それは間違いない。
取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。
・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い
こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。
これを忘れずにいこう。
「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。
表現を換えれば・・・
あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。
ただ、それだけのこと。
ではでは！
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中！
コメント
Took some notes for a project I am working on, and a stop at claritybeforevelocity added more raw material to those notes, content that contributes to my own creative work rather than just being interesting in the moment is the kind I value most and the kind I will keep coming back to repeatedly.
Ищете, как совместить каникулы и учёбу? английский детский лагерь от YES Center — это безопасный отдых, насыщенная программа и ежедневная языковая практика. Профессиональные вожатые и преподаватели создают комфортную атмосферу для каждого ребёнка.
Came here from another site and ended up exploring much further than I planned, and a look at intentionalvelocity only encouraged more exploration, the kind of place where one click leads to another not through manipulative design but through genuinely interesting content is rare and worth highlighting when found like this somewhere on the open internet.
Anyone curious about this topic would do well to start here, the foundation laid is solid, and a stop at forwardthinkingcore would round out their understanding nicely, this is the kind of resource I would point a friend toward without hesitation if they asked me where to begin learning about anything in this area.
Pass this along to colleagues if the topic comes up, the framing here is sensible, and a stop at urbanriders adds more useful angles to share, the kind of content that improves conversations rather than just feeding them is what makes a resource genuinely valuable in professional contexts going forward over time and across project boundaries too.
Now noticing the careful balance the post struck between confidence and humility, and a stop at actionfeedsprogress maintained the same balance, finding the line between asserting and admitting is hard and this site has clearly developed the calibration to walk that line consistently which produces a more persuasive reading experience for me.
Came in tired from a long day and the writing held my attention anyway, and a stop at glowharbor kept that going, content that can engage a fatigued reader is doing something right because most online reading happens in suboptimal conditions like that one and quality content adapts to it without complaint.
Now understanding why someone recommended this site to me a while back, and a stop at winterhaven explained the recommendation, sometimes recommendations make sense only after experience and this site has finally clicked into place as the kind of resource I now understand was being recommended for sound editorial reasons by my friend.
Coming back tomorrow when I can give this a proper read, the post deserves better attention than I can give right now, and a look at progresswithclarity suggests there is plenty more here that deserves the same treatment, definitely a site I will be exploring properly over the next few days when I can.
Started a draft response in my head and ended without publishing it because the post said it well enough, and a look at expertvoyager produced the same effect, content that satisfies my urge to add to it by being complete enough on its own is rare and represents a particular kind of editorial completeness here.
A piece that handled multiple complications without becoming confused, and a look at ideasneedmotion continued that organisational clarity, holding multiple threads in a single piece without losing any of them is a sign of skilled writing and this site has clearly developed the editorial discipline to manage complexity without sacrificing readability throughout.
During a reading session that included several other sources this one stood out, and a look at growththroughmotion continued the standout quality, the side by side comparison of sources during research is a useful exercise and this site has been winning those comparisons for me consistently across multiple research sessions during the last week.
Доброго дня. Отец уже шестой день пьёт. Соседи уже начали звонить в участок. В платной наркологии — бешеные счета. В общем, выручила эта служба — вывод из запоя недорого в Екатеринбурге. Бригада подъехала через 35 минут. В общем, вся информация по ссылке — нарколог на дом вывод из запоя нарколог на дом вывод из запоя Звоните немедленно. Скиньте тем, кто в отчаянной ситуации.
Just nice to read something that does not feel like it was assembled from a content brief, and a stop at actioncreatestraction kept that handcrafted feel going, you can tell when a real human with real understanding is behind the words versus a templated piece churned out for an algorithm to find.
Всем привет из Екатеринбурга. Отец не выходит из штопора уже третьи сутки. Родственники места себе не находят. Скорая отказывается выезжать на такие вызовы. В итоге, выручила только эта бригада — вывод из запоя цены доступные. Сняли острую интоксикацию. В общем, жмите чтобы сохранить — вывод из запоя на дому недорого https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-ekaterinburg-nws.ru Звоните сейчас. Может кому-то спасёт жизнь.
Picked up on several small touches that suggest a careful editor, and a look at rapidcourier suggested the same hand at work across the broader site, editorial consistency at a granular level is one of the strongest signs that an operation is serious rather than just hobbyist and this site reads as serious throughout.
Recommended without reservation for anyone interested in the topic at any level of expertise, and a look at focusacceleration only strengthens that recommendation, this site clearly knows how to serve readers across a range of backgrounds without watering down the content or talking past anyone in the audience which is genuinely impressive to see.
Honestly enjoyed not being sold anything for the entire duration of the post, and a look at artistneedle kept that pleasant absence going across more pages, content that exists for its own sake rather than as a funnel to a paid product is increasingly rare and worth supporting where I can find it.
Closed three other tabs to focus on this one and never opened them again, and a stop at momentumworkflow similarly held attention exclusively, content that crowds out other reading from working memory is content with real density and this site has demonstrated that density across multiple pages I have visited so far this morning.
Pozdravljeni vsi skupaj. Moram povedati svojo zgodbo. Veste, alkohol je bil dolgo del mojega zivljenja. Potem pa sem na spletu nasel ambulantno zdravljenje alkoholizma pri Dr Vorobjevu. Nisem verjel, da bo delovalo. Ampak sem se odlocil za ta korak. In zdaj, ko gledam nazaj, lahko recem, da je bilo to najboljsa odlocitev. Sam sem preucil celoten program in vsi kljucni podatki so na voljo na tej povezavi: ambulantno zdravljenje alkoholizma ambulantno zdravljenje alkoholizma. Alkoholizem is bolezen, ne slabost.
Ce iscete resitev za to tezavo — resnicno priporocam, da preberete. Drzim pesti za vsakega, ki se bori
Dolga leta sem se boril sam. Potem pa sem po priporocilu nasel nekaj, kar je mi dalo novo upanje. Govorim o zdravljenju alkoholizma pri Dr Vorobjev centru. Veste, alkoholizem je bolezen. In veliko je slabih informacij. Zato svetujem, da si vzamete cas in preberete posodobljene podatke, ki so na voljo na tej povezavi: ambulantno zdravljenje alkoholizma ambulantno zdravljenje alkoholizma. Na tej povezavi so odgovori na vsa vprasanja.
Meni je ta pristop pomagal. Pot je bila naporna, ampak zdaj sem ponosen nase. Ce vi ali kdo od vasih bliznjih ne ve, kam se obrniti – resnicno priporocam. Srecno na tej poti!
Now feeling the post has earned a proper recommendation rather than a casual mention, and a stop at clarityshift reinforced the recommendation strength, the difference between mentioning and recommending is a small editorial distinction I observe in my own conversations and this site has earned the upgraded recommendation level from me confidently today.
Quietly enthusiastic about this site after the past few hours of reading, and a stop at motovoyager extended that enthusiasm, the calibration of enthusiasm to evidence is something I try to maintain and this site has earned a calibrated quiet enthusiasm rather than the loud excitement that usually fades within a day or two of finding something.
Closed the laptop and walked away thinking about the post for a good twenty minutes, and a stop at stellarchoice produced similar lingering thoughts, content that survives the closing of the browser tab is content that has actually entered the mind rather than just decorating the screen for the duration of the reading.
Solid stuff, the kind of post that I will probably refer back to later this month when the topic comes up again, and a look at progressengineon only confirmed I should bookmark the site as a whole rather than just this single page for future reference and use across coming weeks.
Really thankful for posts that respect a reader’s time, this one does, and a quick look at intentionalvelocity was the same, no need to scroll through endless intros just to get to the actual content, that approach alone is enough reason to come back here regularly for the kind of writing offered.
Pozdravljeni, dragi moji. Danes bi rad spregovoril o necem pomembnem. Vsak dan je bil enak mucenje. Potem pa sem od prijatelja izvedel za to moznost. Govorim o odvajanju od alkohola pri Dr Vorobjev centru. Bil sem preprican, da je zame prepozno. Ampak sem dal tej metodi priloznost in zivljenje se je obrnilo na bolje. Vse uradne informacije in podrobnosti sem preveril na spletni strani, posodobljene podatke pa si lahko ogledate tukaj: zdravljenje alkoholizma zdravljenje alkoholizma Odvisnost od alkohola ni znak sibkosti.
Ce vi sami ne vidi izhoda — prosim, ne odlasajte. Verjamem, da se da!
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Thanks for keeping the writing direct without losing the warmth that makes content feel human, and a stop at festiveglow carried both qualities forward, balancing professionalism and personality is a rare skill and the writers here have clearly figured out how to consistently land it across many posts which I notice.
Decided to set aside time later to read more carefully, and a stop at signalcreatesmovement reinforced that decision, content that earns a calendar entry rather than just a passing read is in a different tier altogether and this site is clearly working at that elevated level which I really do appreciate as a reader today.
Once I trust a site this much I tend to read everything they publish and that is the trajectory I am on with this one, and a stop at radiantderma confirmed the trajectory, the rare progression from interested reader to comprehensive reader is something only certain sites earn and this one is earning that progression rapidly.
Всем салют. Муж пьёт без остановки. Жена плачет. В диспансер отвозить — позор на район. Короче, профессиональные врачи с горячими руками — круглосуточный вывод из запоя на дом. Врач осмотрел и начал детокс. В общем, все контакты по ссылке — наркология вывод из запоя https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-ekaterinburg-dyz.ru Звоните прямо сейчас. Может, кому-то она спасёт близкого.
Доброго дня. Беда пришла. Родственники не спят ночами. В платной наркологии — бешеные счета. В общем, единственные кто приехал без лишних вопросов — профессиональная помощь на дому. Купировали абстинентный синдром. В общем, запишите себе — капельница от запоя на дому капельница от запоя на дому Промедление может стоить здоровья. Вдруг это спасёт кого-то.
Операционная система GNU https://www.gnu.org свободная программная платформа с открытым исходным кодом, лежащая в основе многих современных дистрибутивов. Узнайте об истории проекта, компонентах системы, лицензии GNU GPL, возможностях и преимуществах свободного ПО
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Really appreciate the absence of stock photos that have nothing to do with the content, and a quick visit to mysticvoyage maintained the same restraint, visual filler is a tell that the writing cannot stand on its own and the lack of it here suggests the team has confidence in their content quality alone.
Took me back a step or two on an assumption I had been making, and a stop at facthorizon pushed that reconsideration further, writing that gently corrects the reader without being aggressive about it is a rare diplomatic skill and the team here clearly knows how to land critical points without turning readers off.
Now wondering how the writers calibrated the level of detail so well, and a stop at buildvelocitycleanly continued the same calibration, the right level of detail is one of the harder editorial calls in any piece and this site has clearly developed an instinct for it through what I assume is years of careful practice publicly.
Learned something from this without having to dig through layers of fluff, and a stop at growthfindsclarity added a bit more context that helped tie things together for me, definitely a useful corner of the internet for anyone who wants real information without the usual marketing nonsense around it that often ruins similar pages.
Quietly enjoying that I have found a new site to follow for the topic, and a look at ideaprogression reinforced the small pleasure of the find, the discovery of new high quality sources is one of the more durable pleasures of careful internet reading and this site has been generating that discovery pleasure at multiple points already today.
Really like that the writer trusts the reader to follow simple logic without restating every previous point, and a stop at progresswithcontrol kept that respect going, treating an audience as capable adults rather than as people who need constant hand holding makes a noticeable difference in the reading experience for me.
Now feeling the quiet pleasure of finding writing that takes itself seriously without being self serious, and a stop at signalthefuture extended that subtle pleasure, the gap between earnest and pretentious is fine and this site has clearly chosen to land on the earnest side without slipping over into pretentious which is impressive.
Useful information presented in a way that does not feel like a sales pitch, that is what I appreciated most, and a stop at strategyfocus was the same, no upsell and no fake urgency just steady content laid out properly for someone trying to actually learn from it rather than just be sold to.
A piece that did not try to be timeless and ended up reading as durable anyway, and a look at actionplanner extended that durable feel, content that stays useful past its publication date without straining for permanence is content that ages well and this site has the kind of evergreen quality that I value highly today.
I usually skim posts like these but this one held my attention all the way through, and a stop at ideasgainmotion did the same, that is a strong endorsement coming from me because I am usually quick to bounce when content gets repetitive or fails to deliver on its initial promise made in the headline.
Привет из Екатеринбурга. Отец уже шестой день пьёт. Жена на грани нервного срыва. В платной наркологии — бешеные счета. Итог, единственные кто приехал без лишних вопросов — анонимный вывод из запоя на дому. Врач сразу поставил капельницу. В общем, запишите себе — капельница на дому от запоя капельница на дому от запоя Промедление может стоить здоровья. Скиньте тем, кто в отчаянной ситуации.
Pozdravljeni, dragi moji. Moram povedati nekaj iz prve roke. Alkohol je dolgo casa vodil moje zivljenje. Potem pa sem od prijatelja izvedel za to moznost. Govorim o zdravljenju alkoholizma pri strokovnjakih, ki res znajo pomagati. Bil sem preprican, da je zame prepozno. Ampak sem dal tej metodi priloznost in koncno sem spet jaz. Sam sem preucil celoten program in vsi kljucni podatki so na voljo na tej povezavi: odvajanje od alkohola odvajanje od alkohola Odvisnost od alkohola ni znak sibkosti.
Ce vas prijatelj potrebuje pomoc — vredno je poskusiti. Verjamem, da se da!
Now understanding why someone recommended this site to me a while back, and a stop at clarityfuel explained the recommendation, sometimes recommendations make sense only after experience and this site has finally clicked into place as the kind of resource I now understand was being recommended for sound editorial reasons by my friend.
Appreciated that the writer trusted the reader to follow along without constant restating of earlier points, and a look at shadowbeast continued that respect for the reader, treating an audience as capable adults rather than as people to be hand held through every paragraph is something I notice and value highly across the open internet today.
Liked that the post acknowledged complications rather than pretending they did not exist, and a stop at forwardthinkingcore continued that honest framing, sites that handle complexity with care rather than papering it over with simplifying claims are doing real intellectual work and this one is clearly in that category based on what I have read.