どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。
あ、Youtubeも見てね！
「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
（↑つまりドライアイ）
今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。
恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる
とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。
いやいやいや！
あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと？
んなわけあるかい！って。
取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。
もっとシンプルでいいのに。
「他の人との違いは何か？」
これでいいじゃん。
たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。
僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー！って思う。
でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
なんでか？
これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。
「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない＝自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。
自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。
だけど、
好きになってもらえない＝価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。
だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。
そういう保険だ。
いやいやいや！
無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ！
（↑なに言ってんだコイツ）
何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない＝価値がない」
の思い込みが違うんだよ。
「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。
恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。
”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。
それは間違いない。
取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。
・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い
こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。
これを忘れずにいこう。
「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。
表現を換えれば・・・
あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。
ただ、それだけのこと。
ではでは！
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中！
コメント
Pozdrav iz moje izkusnje. Moram povedati svojo zgodbo. Veste, alkohol je bil dolgo del mojega zivljenja. Potem pa sem na spletu nasel zdravljenje alkoholizma pri metodi, ki resnicno deluje. Mislil sem, da je to se ena prevara. Ampak sem dal priloznost. In zdaj, po nekaj mesecih, lahko recem, da je bilo to najboljsa odlocitev. Vec o tem in o celotnem postopku si lahko preberete neposredno na uradnem viru: zdravljenje alkoholizma zdravljenje alkoholizma. Odvisnost od alkohola ni sramota.
Ce iscete resitev za to tezavo — vzemite si cas in raziscite. Srecno vsem!
Привет из Екатеринбурга. Ситуация аховая. Соседи грозятся вызвать полицию. В диспансер отвозить — стыдоба. Короче, помогли только эти ребята — круглосуточный вывод из запоя в Екатеринбурге. Человек ожил через пару часов. В общем, все данные по ссылке — выведение из запоя на дому в екатеринбурге https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-ekaterinburg-pcl.ru Звоните прямо сейчас. Кому-то это может спасти жизнь.
A piece that handled multiple complications without becoming confused, and a look at growwithprecision continued that organisational clarity, holding multiple threads in a single piece without losing any of them is a sign of skilled writing and this site has clearly developed the editorial discipline to manage complexity without sacrificing readability throughout.
A piece that demonstrated competence without performing it, and a look at gentleparent maintained the same self assured but unshowy register, the gap between competence and performance of competence is one I track and this site has clearly chosen to demonstrate rather than perform which I find much more persuasive as a reader.
Reading this gave me a small jolt of recognition for an experience I thought was just mine, and a stop at velvetglowhub produced more such jolts, content that universalises private experiences without flattening them is doing genuinely useful work and this site is providing that recognition function for me reliably across topics I read.
Здорово, народ. Мой знакомый в запое четвёртые сутки. Соседи уже стали коситься. Платные клиники — грабёж. Короче говоря, реально крутые врачи попались — вывод из запоя на дому срочно. Сняли алкогольную интоксикацию. В общем, вся инфа и контакты по ссылке — сколько стоит прокапаться от алкоголя https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-ekaterinburg-hjm.ru Не тяните время. Киньте ссылку тем, кто рядом с бедой.
Picked up something useful for a side project, and a look at brightcanvas added another piece I will incorporate, content that connects to specific projects I am working on is content with practical utility and the practical utility of this site is showing up across multiple posts I have read in the last hour or so.
Лучшая онлайн онлайн школа по английскому языку YES Center — это полноценное обучение в дистанционном формате. Живые уроки с преподавателем, разговорная практика и удобное расписание. Вы получаете тот же результат, что и в очном классе, но без дороги.
A well calibrated piece that knew its scope and stayed inside it, and a look at trendgallery maintained the same scope discipline, scope creep is one of the failure modes of long blog posts and this site has clearly invested in the editorial discipline to prevent it which shows up in tightly contained pieces.
Better than most of the writing I have come across on this topic recently, simpler and more direct, and a look at quantumharbor continued in that same way, a real outlier in a crowded space full of repetitive content that says little while taking up a lot of reader time today which is unfortunate.
Really appreciate the lack of pop ups, modals, cookie banners stacking on top of each other, and a quick visit to actionshapessuccess confirmed the same clean approach across the rest of the site, technical decisions about user experience are part of what makes content actually pleasant to engage with for sure.
Took the time to read the comments on this post too and they were also worth reading, and a stop at chimneycargo suggested the community quality matches the content quality, when the conversation around a piece is as good as the piece itself you know you have found a real corner of the internet.
Really appreciate that the writer did not assume I would read every other related post first, and a look at eskimoarbor kept that self contained feel going where each piece can stand alone, accessibility for new readers is a sign of generous editorial thinking and this site has clearly invested in that approach.
Worth pointing out that the writer made the topic feel more interesting than I had been expecting, and a look at digitalhaven continued that elevation effect, content that improves the apparent quality of its subject through skilled treatment is doing something real and this site has clearly developed that kind of editorial alchemy throughout.
Liked the way the post handled the final paragraph, no neat bow but no abrupt cutoff either, and a stop at progresswithsignal continued that thoughtful ending pattern, endings are hard and most blog writers either over engineer them or skip them entirely and this site has clearly figured out a sustainable middle approach.
Once I trust a site this much I tend to read everything they publish and that is the trajectory I am on with this one, and a stop at talentnexus confirmed the trajectory, the rare progression from interested reader to comprehensive reader is something only certain sites earn and this one is earning that progression rapidly.
Clean writing, easy to read, and never tries too hard to impress, that combination is harder to find than people think, and after my time on buildclearoutcomes I am sure this site treats its readers well, no flashy tricks just useful content done right which is honestly all I want online.
Ребята в Екбе. Отец не просыхает уже пятый день. Соседи стучат в стену. Платная клиника дерёт три шкуры. Короче, спасли только эти врачи — срочное выведение из запоя с капельницей. Капельницу поставили сразу. В общем, инфа и расценки тут — вывод из запоя на дому недорого вывод из запоя на дому недорого Промедление дороже. Перешлите кому надо.
Held my interest from the opening line through to the closing thought, and a stop at ideasneedalignment did the same, content that earns sustained attention in an environment full of distractions is doing something right and this site is clearly doing several things right rather than just one or two which I really appreciate.
Picked this for a morning recommendation in our company chat, and a look at growththroughdesign suggested I will mention this site again later, recommending content into a workplace context is a small editorial act that requires confidence in the recommendation and this site is making me confident in those recommendations consistently here too.
Reading this confirmed that the topic deserves more careful attention than it usually gets, and a stop at intentionalforwardenergy extended that elevated framing, content that raises the appropriate weight of a subject without being preachy about it is serving a quiet but important editorial function for the broader cultural conversation about it.
Now feeling slightly more optimistic about the state of independent writing online, and a stop at directionturnsideas extended that quiet optimism, sites like this one are the reason I have not given up on the open web entirely and finding them occasionally renews the case for paying attention to non algorithmic content sources today.
Всем здравствуйте. Отец пьёт без просыпу. Родственники на ушах стоят. Платные врачи дерут космические деньги. Короче, единственные кто справился быстро — вывод из запоя цены гуманные. Человек ожил через пару часов. В общем, сохраните себе на всякий случай — прокапаться от запоя цена https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-ekaterinburg-pcl.ru Звоните прямо сейчас. Кому-то это может спасти жизнь.
A piece that suggested careful editing without showing the marks of the editing, and a look at comicnexus continued that invisible polish, the best editing disappears into the prose and this site reads as having been edited with skill that does not announce itself which is the highest compliment I can offer any blog content.
Came in skeptical of the angle and left mostly persuaded, and a stop at latinovista pushed me a bit further in the same direction, content that can move a critical reader by argument rather than rhetoric is rare and worth pointing out because it indicates real substance underneath the surface presentation here.
Strong recommendation from me, anyone curious about the topic should make time for this, and a look at profitnexus only sharpens that recommendation further, the kind of resource that holds up against careful scrutiny rather than crumbling at the first critical question is rare and worth pointing other people toward when the topic comes up.
Всем привет из Екатеринбурга. Отец не выходит из штопора уже третьи сутки. Дети перепуганы. В диспансер тащить — позор на всю жизнь. В итоге, реально спасли эти врачи — вывод из запоя цены доступные. Сняли острую интоксикацию. В общем, контакты и расценки тут — вывод из запоя цены екатеринбург https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-ekaterinburg-nws.ru Каждый час усугубляет состояние. Отправьте тем кто в беде.
Glad to have another data point on a question I am still thinking through, and a look at greenharvest added two more, content that acknowledges its place in a wider conversation rather than pretending to settle the question alone is intellectually honest in a way that I wish was more common across the open web.
Zivjo vsem skupaj. Moram povedati nekaj iz prve roke. Alkohol je dolgo casa vodil moje zivljenje. Potem pa sem po dolgem iskanju koncno nasel pravo pot. Govorim o ambulantnem zdravljenju alkoholizma pri strokovnjakih, ki res znajo pomagati. Sprva nisem verjel. Ampak sem se odlocil за ta korak in zdaj sem clovek na novo rojen. Vec o tem in o celotnem postopku si lahko preberete neposredno na uradnem viru: ambulantno zdravljenje alkoholizma ambulantno zdravljenje alkoholizma Odvisnost od alkohola ni znak sibkosti.
Ce kdo od druzinskih clanov ne vidi izhoda — vredno je poskusiti. Nikoli ni prepozno za nov zacetek.
Decided after reading this that I would check this site weekly going forward, and a stop at eskimobadge reinforced that commitment, deciding to add a site to a regular rotation requires meeting a quality bar that very few places clear and this one cleared it cleanly without any noticeable effort or marketing push behind it.
Good post, the kind that respects the reader by getting to the point quickly without skipping the details that matter, and a short look at digitalclicks confirmed that approach is consistent across the site which is rare to find online these days, definitely a place I will return to soon.
A well calibrated piece that knew its scope and stayed inside it, and a look at momentumdesign maintained the same scope discipline, scope creep is one of the failure modes of long blog posts and this site has clearly invested in the editorial discipline to prevent it which shows up in tightly contained pieces.
Good clean post, no errors and no awkward phrasing that breaks the reading flow, and a stop at growthfollowsfocus kept the same standard, definitely the kind of editorial care that earns a return visit because it tells me the writer is paying attention to details that matter to readers rather than just rushing publication.
Zivjo, dolgo nisem pisal. Moram povedati svojo zgodbo. Bil sem na robu, iskreno povedano. Potem pa sem po priporocilu prijatelja nasel ambulantno zdravljenje alkoholizma pri Dr Vorobjev centru. Mislil sem, da je to se ena prevara. Ampak sem vseeno poskusil. In zdaj, po koncanem programu, lahko recem, da je bilo to resitev, ki sem jo iskal. Vse uradne informacije in podrobnosti sem preveril na spletni strani, posodobljene podatke pa si lahko ogledate tukaj: Dr Vorobjev Dr Vorobjev. Ni lahko priznati, ampak se splaca.
Ce iscete resitev za to tezavo — vzemite si cas in raziscite. Drzim pesti za vsakega, ki se bori
Picked up two new ideas that I expect will come up in conversations this week, and a look at nexoravision added another, content that arms me with talking points rather than just filling time is the kind that provides ongoing value beyond the moment of reading and this site is generating that kind of ongoing value.
Glad I stumbled across this post, the explanations actually make sense without needing background knowledge to follow along, and after a stop at growthnavigationpath the same was true there, no assumptions about the reader just clear writing that anyone can understand from the first line right through to the end.
However measured this site clears the bar I set for sites I take seriously, and a stop at intentionalvelocity continued clearing that bar, the metrics I use for site quality are admittedly informal but they are consistent and this site has cleared them on multiple measurements across multiple visits which is meaningful for my evaluation.
Spent a few minutes here and came away with a clearer picture of the topic, the writing keeps things simple without dumbing them down, and after a stop at brightvertex the rest of the points lined up neatly which is something I appreciate when I am short on time and need answers fast.
Thank you for being clear and direct, that simple approach saves so much frustration on the reader’s end, and a stop at buildclearprogress only made me more sure of it, the rest of the content seems to follow the same pattern which is a great sign of consistent editorial care behind the scenes.
Reading this felt productive in a way most internet reading does not, and a look at progressengine continued that productive feeling, sometimes the open web feels like a waste of time but sites like this remind me why I still bother to look around rather than retreating to old reliable sources for everything I need.
The pacing of the post was just right, never rushed and never dragged out unnecessarily, and a look at velvettress maintained the same rhythm, you can tell the writer has experience because the difficult skill of pacing is something only practiced writers manage to handle well in long form content over time and across formats.
Came here from another site and ended up exploring much further than I planned, and a look at growthpilothub only encouraged more exploration, the kind of place where one click leads to another not through manipulative design but through genuinely interesting content is rare and worth highlighting when found like this somewhere on the open internet.
Приветствую народ. Близкий человек в запое. Родственники места себе не находят. В диспансер тащить — позор на всю жизнь. Короче говоря, выручила только эта бригада — вывод из запоя на дому круглосуточно. К утру человек пришёл в себя. В общем, не потеряйте вкладку — прокапаться от алкоголя прокапаться от алкоголя Не откладывайте на завтра. Отправьте тем кто в беде.
A piece that exhibited the kind of patience that good writing requires, and a look at clarityturnsideas continued that patient quality, hurried writing is easy to spot and this site reads as having been written without time pressure which produces a different feel than the rushed content that dominates much of the modern blog space.
Came across this through a roundabout path and now it is on my regular rotation, and a stop at growthwithoutfriction sealed that decision, the open web still produces serendipitous discoveries when you let the citations and references guide you rather than relying purely on algorithmic feeds for new content recommendations always.
Different feel from the algorithmically optimised posts that dominate the topic, and a stop at bloomhavenhub reinforced that human touch, you can tell when a site is being run by someone who reads what they publish versus someone just hitting submit and moving on quickly to the next assignment without checking the result.
Found the use of subheadings really helpful for scanning back through the post later, and a stop at urbanmarket kept that reader friendly approach going, navigation is something many blog writers ignore but small structural choices make a noticeable difference for someone returning to find a specific point again days or weeks later.
Glad I gave this a chance instead of bouncing on the headline, and after vibrantstage I was certain I had made the right call, snap judgements based on titles miss a lot of good content and this is a reminder to slow down and check things out before scrolling past in a hurry.
Reading this gave me a small refresher on something I had partially forgotten, and a stop at actionclaritylab extended the refresher, content that strengthens existing knowledge rather than just adding new is content with a particular kind of consolidating value and this site is providing that consolidating function across multiple visits.
Здарова, народ. Отец уже шестой день пьёт. Дети боятся заходить в комнату. В диспансер сдавать — ужас. В общем, только эти врачи смогли помочь — анонимный вывод из запоя на дому. Бригада подъехала через 35 минут. В общем, вся информация по ссылке — вывод из запоя на дому круглосуточно вывод из запоя на дому круглосуточно Звоните немедленно. Скиньте тем, кто в отчаянной ситуации.