どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。
あ、Youtubeも見てね！
「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
（↑つまりドライアイ）
今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。
恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる
とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。
いやいやいや！
あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと？
んなわけあるかい！って。
取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。
もっとシンプルでいいのに。
「他の人との違いは何か？」
これでいいじゃん。
たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。
僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー！って思う。
でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
なんでか？
これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。
「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない＝自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。
自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。
だけど、
好きになってもらえない＝価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。
だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。
そういう保険だ。
いやいやいや！
無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ！
（↑なに言ってんだコイツ）
何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない＝価値がない」
の思い込みが違うんだよ。
「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。
恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。
”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。
それは間違いない。
取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。
・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い
こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。
これを忘れずにいこう。
「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。
表現を換えれば・・・
あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。
ただ、それだけのこと。
ではでは！
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中！
コメント
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Reading this gave me a small framework I expect to use going forward, and a stop at actionshapessuccess extended that framework, content that produces transferable mental models rather than just specific facts is content with multiplicative value and this site is providing those models at a rate that justifies extra attention from me regularly.
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Reading this gave me the rare experience of fully agreeing with all the conclusions, and a stop at littlebloomhub continued that agreement pattern, content that aligns with my existing views without seeming designed to do so is just content that happens to be reasonable and this site reads as reasonable rather than ideological mostly.
Walked away in a slightly better mood than when I started reading, that says something about the writing, and a stop at oceanvoyagerhub kept that going, content that leaves you feeling more capable rather than overwhelmed is the kind I keep coming back to again and again over the years and across many topics.
Reading this post made me realise I had been settling for lower quality elsewhere, and a look at actionremovesfriction extended that recalibration, content that exposes how much I had been accepting in adjacent sources is content with calibrating effect on my standards and this site is performing that calibration function across topics for me reliably.
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Текущие рекомендации: https://frenchspeak.ru/letter/%d0%97
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Всем здравствуйте. Брат совсем потерял себя. Родственники не спят ночами. В диспансер сдавать — ужас. В общем, единственные кто приехал без лишних вопросов — анонимный вывод из запоя на дому. Бригада подъехала через 35 минут. В общем, контакты и стоимость тут — срочный вывод из запоя срочный вывод из запоя Звоните немедленно. Скиньте тем, кто в отчаянной ситуации.
Appreciated how the writer anticipated the questions a reader might have along the way, and a stop at growthpipeline continued that thoughtful approach, you can tell when content has been edited with the reader in mind versus just published as a first draft and this is clearly the former approach across what I read.
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Now recognising the post as a rare example of careful writing on a topic that mostly receives careless treatment, and a stop at buildmomentumwisely extended that contrast with the average elsewhere, content that highlights how much the average is settling for low quality is content that has both internal merit and external value as a benchmark.
Liked how the post handled an objection I was forming as I read, and a stop at nexustower similarly anticipated where my thinking was going next, the rare writer who can predict reader concerns and address them in advance is doing something most online content fails to do despite that being basic editorial work.
Skipped the TLDR thinking I would read everything anyway, and ended up enjoying the path through the full post, and a stop at forwardthinkingcore similarly rewarded the patient read, summaries are useful but the journey through good writing is part of what makes the destination feel earned rather than just delivered cleanly.
Good post, the kind that respects the reader by getting to the point quickly without skipping the details that matter, and a short look at focusandexecute confirmed that approach is consistent across the site which is rare to find online these days, definitely a place I will return to soon.
During the time spent here I noticed the absence of the usual distractions, and a stop at focusunlockspotential extended that distraction free experience, content that does not fight my attention with pop ups and modals and aggressive prompts is content that respects me and this site has clearly chosen the respectful approach throughout.
Pozdravljeni, dragi moji. Moram povedati nekaj iz prve roke. Vsak dan je bil enak mucenje. Potem pa sem po dolgem iskanju koncno nasel pravo pot. Govorim o ambulantnem zdravljenju alkoholizma pri Dr Vorobjev centru. Sprva nisem verjel. Ampak sem vseeno poskusil in zdaj sem clovek na novo rojen. Vec o tem in o celotnem postopku si lahko preberete neposredno na uradnem viru: odvajanje od alkohola odvajanje od alkohola Odvisnost od alkohola ni znak sibkosti.
Ce vas partner ne vidi izhoda — prosim, ne odlasajte. Srecno na vasi poti!
Здорова, ребята. Брат совсем потерял человеческий облик. Жена плачет. В диспансер отвозить — позор на район. Короче, профессиональные врачи с горячими руками — круглосуточный вывод из запоя на дом. Прибыли через полчаса. В общем, сохраните себе в закладки — капельница от запоя екатеринбург https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-ekaterinburg-dyz.ru Промедление может стоить жизни. Может, кому-то она спасёт близкого.
Now planning to come back when I have the right kind of attention to read carefully, and a stop at claritysimplifiesprogress reinforced that plan, choosing the right moment to read certain content is a quiet form of respect for the work and this site is generating those careful planning behaviours from me consistently as a reader.
If I had to defend the time I spend reading independent blogs this site would feature in the defence, and a look at motherbloom reinforced that defensive utility, the ongoing case for non algorithmic reading is one I make to myself periodically and sites like this one provide the actual evidence that supports the case clearly.
Worth pointing out that the writing reads as confident without being defensive about it, and a look at actiondrive extended that secure tone, content that does not pre emptively argue against imagined critics has a different quality from defensive writing and this site reads as written from a place of real ease.
Now noticing that the post avoided the temptation to be funny in places where humour would have undermined the substance, and a stop at silkstrandly maintained the same restraint, knowing when to be serious is a rare editorial virtue and this site has clearly developed it through what I assume is careful editorial practice over years.
Здарова, народ. Близкий человек не вылезает из запоя. Соседи уже начали звонить в участок. В диспансер сдавать — ужас. Итог, единственные кто приехал без лишних вопросов — вывод из запоя цены ниже рынка. Врач сразу поставил капельницу. В общем, вся информация по ссылке — вывод из запоя круглосуточно вывод из запоя круглосуточно Звоните немедленно. Скиньте тем, кто в отчаянной ситуации.
Now appreciating that the post did not require me to agree with the writer to find it valuable, and a look at clarityoveractivity maintained the same useful regardless of agreement quality, content that informs even when it does not convince is content with broader utility and this site reads as useful even when I disagree.
Liked how the post handled an objection I was forming as I read, and a stop at claritydrivesmotion similarly anticipated where my thinking was going next, the rare writer who can predict reader concerns and address them in advance is doing something most online content fails to do despite that being basic editorial work.
Adding this to my list of go to references for the topic, and a stop at claritypowersresults confirmed the rest of the site deserves the same, definitely the kind of resource that earns its place rather than getting forgotten the moment the next interesting article shows up in my feed somewhere else on the web.
Liked the post enough to read it twice and the second read found new things, and a stop at momentumdesign similarly rewarded the second look, content with hidden depths that only reveal themselves on careful rereading is the rare kind that earns lasting respect rather than fleeting first impressions only briefly held.
Picked up something useful for a side project, and a look at nexoravision added another piece I will incorporate, content that connects to specific projects I am working on is content with practical utility and the practical utility of this site is showing up across multiple posts I have read in the last hour or so.
Refreshing to read something where the words actually mean something instead of filling space, and a stop at forwardenergyflow kept that going, the writing here trusts the reader to follow along without endless repetition or constant reminders of what was already said earlier in the post which I appreciate.
If you scroll past this site without looking carefully you will miss something, and a stop at progressengine extended that mild warning, the surface of the site does not advertise its quality loudly which means careful attention is required to recognise what is being offered here which is itself a kind of editorial signal.
Изучай английский для детей в YES Center — это весело и эффективно. Игровой формат, опытные педагоги и небольшие группы помогают малышам полюбить язык с первых занятий. Программы подобраны по возрасту, чтобы обучение шло легко и в радость.
Felt the post handled a sensitive angle of the topic with appropriate care, and a look at focusfirstapproach extended that careful handling across related material, sites that can navigate delicate territory without causing damage are rare and require a level of judgement that comes from experience rather than from following any clear playbook.
Without comparing too aggressively to other sources this one stands out for the right reasons, and a look at broadcastnova continued that distinctive quality, content that distinguishes itself through substance rather than style tricks is content with lasting differentiation and this site has clearly chosen substance based differentiation as its core editorial strategy.
Adding to the bookmarks now before I forget, that is how good this is, and a look at intentionalmovement confirmed the rest of the site is worth saving too, this is one of those rare finds that justifies the time spent searching the web for once which is a relief in the current environment.
Appreciated how the writer anticipated the questions a reader might have along the way, and a stop at growthwithoutnoise continued that thoughtful approach, you can tell when content has been edited with the reader in mind versus just published as a first draft and this is clearly the former approach across what I read.
A piece that respected the reader by not over explaining the obvious, and a look at modernhavens continued that calibrated approach, finding the right level of explanation is one of the harder editorial calls and this site has clearly thought carefully about what readers will already know versus what they need help with consistently.
Thanks for laying this out in a way that someone newer to the topic can follow, and a stop at infonexushub kept that accessibility going, writing that meets readers at different experience levels without condescending is hard to do well and the writers here have clearly thought about who they are writing for.
Всем здравствуйте. Муж не встаёт с кровати. Соседи уже начали звонить в участок. В диспансер сдавать — ужас. В общем, выручила эта служба — срочное выведение из запоя капельницей. Купировали абстинентный синдром. В общем, вся информация по ссылке — капельница от запоя на дому круглосуточно капельница от запоя на дому круглосуточно Не медлите. Вдруг это спасёт кого-то.
Coming back to this one, definitely, and a quick visit to signaldrivengrowth only made me more sure of that, the kind of writing that makes you want to set aside time later rather than rushing through it now while distracted by everything else competing for attention on the screen today across so many tabs.
Zivjo vsem skupaj. Rad bi delil svojo zgodbo. Alkohol je dolgo casa vodil moje zivljenje. Potem pa sem od prijatelja izvedel za to moznost. Govorim o ambulantnem zdravljenju alkoholizma pri Dr Vorobjevu. Sprva nisem verjel. Ampak sem dal tej metodi priloznost in koncno sem spet jaz. Vse uradne informacije in podrobnosti sem preveril na spletni strani, posodobljene podatke pa si lahko ogledate tukaj: alkoholizem alkoholizem Alkoholizem je bolezen in se zdravi.
Ce vi sami potrebuje pomoc — vredno je poskusiti. Nikoli ni prepozno za nov zacetek.
Здорова, ребята. Отец не выходит из штопора. Дети напуганы до смерти. В диспансер отвозить — позор на район. Короче, профессиональные врачи с горячими руками — недорогой вывод из запоя в Екатеринбурге. Прибыли через полчаса. В общем, все контакты по ссылке — вывести из запоя вывести из запоя Не откладывайте. Может, кому-то она спасёт близкого.
Even on a quick first read the substance of the post comes through, and a look at directionbeforeforce reinforced that immediate quality, content that does not require a slow careful read to demonstrate value but rewards one anyway is content with real depth and this site has produced work of that demanding depth class.
Strong recommendation from me, anyone curious about the topic should make time for this, and a look at focuspowersmovement only sharpens that recommendation further, the kind of resource that holds up against careful scrutiny rather than crumbling at the first critical question is rare and worth pointing other people toward when the topic comes up.
A welcome contrast to the loud takes that have dominated my feed lately, and a look at progressneedsstructure extended that calm voice, content that arrives without yelling has become unusual in the modern attention economy and this site is one of the few places I have found that consistently delivers without raising its voice.