恋人に「幸せにするよ」と言うほど長続きしない理由

恋愛・コミュニケーション

つい最近、Error Ruleという講座の
セミナーでも話したことなんですが、
恋人に「幸せにするよ」と言うほど長続きしません。

これ、素敵な言葉ですよね。
ドキがムネムネする言葉ってやつです。
 

でも、ダメなんです。

ドラマとか映画で見る分には
感動的で素敵な言葉なんですが、
「幸せにするよ」はダメなのです。

これは、奉仕するのが好きな
真面目な人ほど陥りがちな罠。
 

ただ、誤解のないように伝えておきますと、

「幸せにするよ」は
絶対に言っちゃダメ!というわけではありません。

「え?さっきと言ってること違くない?」

実は、もう少し正確にいうと、
問題なのは「幸せにするよ」って言葉の
裏にある”目的”なのです。
 

「幸せにするよ」を、文字通りに
そのまま実行しようとすると問題が起きます。

相手を幸せにしてあげようとすると、
問題が起きます。
 

ですが、

================
「安心感をプレゼントする」
という意味での言葉なら問題ない

================

これ、すっごく大事なところですよ。

「幸せにするよ」は、
相手を幸せにしようという宣誓ではなく、
安心感をプレゼントするための言葉
なんです。

言い換えれば、
「僕は君の味方でいるよ」という約束の言葉。
 

ここを履き違えて言葉の通りに
相手を幸せにしようとすると、

・自分を犠牲にするようになる
・相手に媚びるようになる

という状態になって、二人の関係は
自然なものではなくなってしまうんです。
 

というのも、「幸せにするよ」を
文字通り実行しようとすると、
自分が勝手に思ってる「こうなれば幸せでしょ」
という価値観を押し付けることになる
んですね。

たとえば、
「毎回のデートで相手が行きたいところに
行ければきっと幸せに感じるだろう」みたいな。

すると、自分を犠牲にするようになるわけです。
 

ですが本来、「幸せ」の定義なんて
人それぞれ違うもの。

というか、たとえ周りから見れば不幸なことでも、
本人が幸せだと思ってれば幸せなのです。

つまり、なにを幸せに感じるかは
本人が決めること
なんですね。
 

ですから、言葉の響きだけ見れば素敵なんですが、
「幸せにしてあげる」は余計なお節介なのです。

ただ、さっきも話したように、
「君の味方でいるよ」という約束の言葉として
言うのは最高のプレゼントになります。

でも、文字通りの「幸せにするよ」はズレた理解。

もし文字通りの意味で言うとしたら、
こう言い換えるべきです・・・
 

「幸せになろうね」

こっちなら、二人の関係は
自然なものになっていくはず。

今日は、そんな話でした。
 

「ああ、これを学生時代のときに気付けていれば・・・」
って悔やんでる自分を隠し切れないんですが、
過去はもう戻ってこないので自分への戒めとして書きました。

では、ありがとうございました!
 

◆LINEマガジンも面白いですよ◆

【こんな生き方しませんか?】
・「仕事できて上司や部下に頼られる人」になる
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・人を笑顔にできるようになる
・世の中の流れに置いていかれない

やり取りがラフにできるので、
感想・相談は、ここから来ることが多いです。

【参加者限定プレゼントもあります】

たった2週間のLINEと1回のデートで
告白成功するような人達が
当たり前のようにやっている技術を公開しています。

過去に約4,000円で開いた恋愛講座「Link」の内容を
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