どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。
あ、Youtubeも見てね！
「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
（↑つまりドライアイ）
今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。
恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる
とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。
いやいやいや！
あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと？
んなわけあるかい！って。
取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。
もっとシンプルでいいのに。
「他の人との違いは何か？」
これでいいじゃん。
たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。
僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー！って思う。
でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
なんでか？
これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。
「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない＝自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。
自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。
だけど、
好きになってもらえない＝価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。
だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。
そういう保険だ。
いやいやいや！
無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ！
（↑なに言ってんだコイツ）
何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない＝価値がない」
の思い込みが違うんだよ。
「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。
恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。
”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。
それは間違いない。
取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。
・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い
こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。
これを忘れずにいこう。
「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。
表現を換えれば・・・
あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。
ただ、それだけのこと。
ではでは！
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中！
コメント
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Ох уж это, каждое утро одно и то же. Руки опускаются. Проверенный вариант — срочный вывод из запоя без лишних вопросов. Там реальные врачи. Короче, тыкайте сюда — вывод из запоя недорого вывод из запоя недорого Организм не вывозит. Лучше решить проблему сейчас, чем потом собирать по кускам. Очень советую эту контору.
Felt the writer did the homework before publishing, the references hold up, and a look at corlex continued that documented care, content with traceable claims rather than vague assertions is the kind I trust and the lack of bald assertion in this post is one of its quietly impressive qualities for me.
Zdravo, ljudje. Preizkusil sem že vse mogoče. Ko gre za ambulantno zdravljenje alkoholizma — veliko ljudi se muči v tišini. Prijatelj mi je priporočil en center, kjer ne obetajo nemogočega. Govorim o Dr Vorobjev. Preverite sami na povezavi: zdravljenje alkoholizma zdravljenje alkoholizma Najboljša odločitev, kar sem jih kdaj sprejel. Ni lahko priznati si, da imaš težavo. Ampak ko enkrat najdeš pravo pomoč — upanje se vrne. Več kot vredno je poskusiti. Ne obupajte!
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Res je težko priznati si, da rabiš pomoč. Potem pa sem dobil pravi nasvet in vse se je začelo obračati na bolje. Govorim o ambulantnem zdravljenju alkoholizma pri Dr Vorobjevu. Veste, odvisnost od alkohola ni sramota. In kar je najpomembneje – program je prilagojen posamezniku. Več o tem in o izkušnjah pacientov si lahko preberete neposredno na uradnem viru: odvisnost od alkohol odvisnost od alkohol. Meni so resnično pomagali.
Če vi ali kdo od vaših bližnjih ne ve, kam se obrniti – ne odlašajte. Držim pesti!
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Представьте ситуацию, куча народу сталкивается. Каждые выходные одно и то же. В такой теме главное не заниматься самодеятельностью. Нашел нормальный вариант — вывод из запоя цены адекватные. Там работают толковые врачи. Короче, вот собственно источник — вывод из запоя недорого вывод из запоя недорого Не тяните резину, потому что один финал — реанимация. Сам так спасал брата.
Veliko sem prebral in slišal o tem. Ko sem prvič slišal za zdravljenje alkoholizma po metodi Dr Vorobjeva, sem bil skeptičen. Ampak ko sem spoznal ljudi, ki jim je uspelo — moje mnenje se je obrnilo. Alkoholizem uničuje družine. In najhuje je, da ne poznajo dobrih možnosti zdravljenja. Zato vam želim pokazati vse tehnične podrobnosti in uradne informacije, ki so na voljo na tej povezavi: odvisnost od alkohol odvisnost od alkohol. Na tej povezavi so odgovori na vsa vprašanja.
Zdaj živim polno življenje brez alkohola. Če se soočate s podobno težavo — vzemite si čas in preberite. Upam, da vam bo koristilo!
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Сил уже нет, каждое утро одно и то же. Руки опускаются. Наркологическая клиника с выездом — срочный вывод из запоя без лишних вопросов. Ребята знают свое дело. Короче, там все по полочкам — помощь при запое на дому https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-voronezh-bvc.ru Организм не вывозит. Сам через это прошел, чем хоронить близкого. Очень советую эту контору.
Нифига себе проблема, человек просто в штопоре. Как есть — только срочный вывод из запоя. Тут тебе не частная лавочка. Между нами, там все подробно расписано — вывод из запоя цены воронеж https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-voronezh-xrt.ru Хватит надеяться на авось. Лучше один раз дернуться, чем потом скорую вызывать. Рекомендую эту наркологическую клинику.
Felt slightly impressed without being able to point to one specific reason, and a look at jamkix continued that diffuse positive feeling, when content works at a level you cannot easily articulate the writer is doing something with craft rather than just delivering information and that is something I have learned to recognise.
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Živjo vsem. Preizkusil sem že vse mogoče. Ko gre za zdravljenje alkoholizma — veliko ljudi se muči v tišini. Prijatelj mi je priporočil en center, kjer imajo izkušnje. Govorim o Dr Vorobjev centru. Več informacij je na voljo tu: Dr Vorobjev alkoholizem-zdravljenje.com Najboljša odločitev, kar sem jih kdaj sprejel. Ni lahko priznati si, da imaš težavo. Ampak ko vidiš, da nisi sam — upanje se vrne. Več kot vredno je poskusiti. Ne obupajte!
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Честно говоря, куча народу сталкивается. Достали уже эти срывы. В этом вопросе главное не слушать советы алконавтов из подворотни. Посмотрите сами — вывод из запоя цены адекватные. Ребята реально шарят. Короче, жмите сюда чтобы узнать подробности — вывод из запоя цена https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-voronezh-kmp.ru Не тяните резину, так как один финал — реанимация. Настоятельно рекомендую.
References:
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Že kar nekaj časa spremljam to temo. Ko sem prvič slišal za zdravljenje alkoholizma po metodi Dr Vorobjeva, sem bil poln dvomov. Ampak ko sem videl rezultate — ugotovil sem, da to res deluje. Alkoholizem uničuje družine. In najhuje je, da ljudje se sramujejo prositi za pomoč. Zato vam želim pokazati vse tehnične podrobnosti in uradne informacije, ki so na voljo na tej povezavi: odvisnost od alkohol odvisnost od alkohol. Na tej povezavi so odgovori na vsa vprašanja.
Zdaj živim polno življenje brez alkohola. Če vas to zanima — to je lahko prelomnica v vašem življenju. Srečno vsem na tej poti!
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