どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。
あ、Youtubeも見てね！
「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
（↑つまりドライアイ）
今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。
恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる
とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。
いやいやいや！
あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと？
んなわけあるかい！って。
取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。
もっとシンプルでいいのに。
「他の人との違いは何か？」
これでいいじゃん。
たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。
僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー！って思う。
でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
なんでか？
これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。
「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない＝自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。
自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。
だけど、
好きになってもらえない＝価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。
だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。
そういう保険だ。
いやいやいや！
無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ！
（↑なに言ってんだコイツ）
何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない＝価値がない」
の思い込みが違うんだよ。
「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。
恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。
”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。
それは間違いない。
取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。
・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い
こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。
これを忘れずにいこう。
「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。
表現を換えれば・・・
あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。
ただ、それだけのこと。
ではでは！
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中！
コメント
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Honest reaction is that this is the kind of writing I would defend in a conversation about good blog content, and a look at storkumber reinforced that, the rare site whose work I would actively recommend rather than just tolerate is the kind I want to support through return visits regularly.
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Strong recommendation, anyone interested in this topic owes themselves a visit, and a stop at daheko extends that recommendation across more of the site, this is the kind of resource that makes me more optimistic about the state of the open web than I usually am these days actually for once which is genuinely refreshing.
This stands out compared to similar posts I have read recently, less noise and more substance, and a look at tailorteal kept that gap going, you can really feel the difference between content made by someone who cares versus content made to fill a publishing schedule for an algorithm trying to keep growing somehow.
Worth a slow read rather than the fast scan I usually default to, and a look at japarrow earned the same slower pace from me, content that resets my reading speed downward is content with substance worth absorbing and this site has produced that effect on me multiple times now over the last week here.
Useful reading material, the kind I can hand off to someone newer to the topic without worrying about confusing them, and a quick look at jamsyx confirmed the same beginner friendly tone runs throughout the site which is great for sharing with people just starting their learning journey on this particular topic.
Honestly enjoyed reading this more than I expected to when I first clicked through, and a stop at digitalbuyarena kept that pleasant surprise going, sometimes you stumble onto a site that just clicks with how you like to read and this is one of those for me right now today which is great.
Quality writing that respects the reader’s intelligence without overloading them, and a quick look at haclex reflected that approach, a balanced thoughtful site that earns trust by being consistent rather than by shouting about how trustworthy it is which is the usual approach online sadly across most content categories.
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Reading this gave me a small refresher on something I had partially forgotten, and a stop at turbineunion extended the refresher, content that strengthens existing knowledge rather than just adding new is content with a particular kind of consolidating value and this site is providing that consolidating function across multiple visits.
Представьте ситуацию, многие не знают как быть. Каждые выходные одно и то же. В такой теме главное не заниматься самодеятельностью. Нашел нормальный вариант — выведение из запоя без госпитализации. Там работают толковые врачи. Если честно, вся инфа тут — вывод из запоя на дому вывод из запоя на дому Звоните пока не поздно, так как один финал — реанимация. Сам так спасал брата.
Now adding this site to a small mental group of recommendations I keep ready for specific kinds of inquiries, and a stop at maplecrestcraftcollective extended the recommendation readiness, content that I can confidently point friends and colleagues toward in specific contexts is content with real social utility and this site has that utility clearly.
Honest take is that this was better than I expected when I clicked through, and a look at taupeswift reinforced that, the bar for online content has dropped so much that finding something thoughtful and well constructed feels almost noteworthy now which says more about the average than about this site itself.
Народ, столкнулся с такой ситуацией. Родственник пьет без остановки. Думал уже всё. Скорая не едет. Короче, врачи толковые попались — качественная наркологическая клиника на выезде. Приехали. В общем, жмите чтобы не потерять — вывести из запоя на дому вывести из запоя на дому Не надейтесь на авось. Сохраните себе.
Genuine reaction is that I will probably think about this on and off for a few days, and a look at valecovemerchantgallery added fuel to that, the best content lingers in your head after you close the tab rather than evaporating immediately and this site clearly knows how to write that kind of memorable content.
Picked up a couple of new ideas here that I can actually try out, and after my visit to biabrook I have even more notes saved, this is the kind of resource that pays you back for the time you spend on it which is rare to come across in this corner of the web.
Ребята, представляете кошмар — муж пьёт без остановки. Соседи звонят в дверь. В диспансер тащить страшно — посадят на учёт. Я через это прошёл. Короче, только это и работает — качественный вывод из запоя на дому. Откачали и спать уложили. В общем, смотрите сами по ссылке — вывод из запоя цены воронеж https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-voronezh-jhg.ru Не тяните резину. Здоровье дороже. Перешлите тому кто в беде.
Блин, каждое утро одно и то же. Руки опускаются. Наркологическая клиника с выездом — качественный вывод из запоя на дому. Там реальные врачи. Короче, тыкайте сюда — помощь вывода запоя https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-voronezh-bvc.ru Каждая пьянка минус ресурс. Лучше решить проблему сейчас, чем хоронить близкого. Проверено на своей шкуре.
Слушай, родственники маются. Без вариантов — нужен нормальный вывод из запоя на дому. Тут тебе не частная лавочка. Между нами, вот нормальный расклад — выведение из запоя на дому воронеж https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-voronezh-xrt.ru Хватит надеяться на авось. Поверьте моему опыту, чем потом скорую вызывать. Рекомендую эту наркологическую клинику.
Now feeling slightly more committed to my own careful reading practices having read this, and a stop at jazfix reinforced that commitment, content that models the kind of attention it deserves is content that calibrates the reader and this site has clearly raised my own bar for what to bring to good writing today.
The headings made navigating the post simple even when I needed to find a specific section quickly, and a look at idozix continued the same thoughtful structure, small details like clear headings show that someone is actually thinking about how the reader uses the page rather than just filling it for length alone.
Speaking as someone who used to recommend blogs frequently and got out of the habit this site is rekindling that impulse, and a look at vyxbrisk extended the rekindling, the recovery of an old habit triggered by encountering work that justifies it is itself a small kind of pleasure and this site is providing that recovery experience.
After reading several posts back to back the consistent voice across them is impressive, and a stop at forestcovecommerceatelier continued that voice consistency, sites that maintain a single coherent voice across many pieces by potentially many writers represent serious editorial discipline and this one has clearly developed the institutional consistency needed for that.
Approaching this site through a casual link click and being surprised by what I found, and a look at pearlcovecraftcollective extended the surprise, the rare experience of stumbling into excellent independent content rather than predictable mediocrity is one of the actual remaining pleasures of casual web browsing and this site provided it cleanly.
Useful read, especially because the writer did not assume too much background from the reader, and a quick look at goodsroutestore continued in the same way, a thoughtful site that meets people where they are which is something the modern web could use a lot more of for both casual and serious readers.
Reading this confirmed something I had been suspecting about the topic, and a look at orchardmeadowcommercegallery pushed that confirmation toward greater confidence, content that lines up with independently held intuitions earns a special kind of trust and I will return to writers who consistently land that way for me without overselling positions.
Reading this confirmed that my time researching the topic in other places had not been wasted, and a stop at oakcoveartisanexchange extended the confirmation, when independent sources agree that is a useful signal and this site is one of the more reliable sources I have found for cross checking what I read elsewhere on similar subjects.
Will share this on a forum I am part of where it will be appreciated by others working in the same area, and a look at triggersyrup suggests there is more here worth passing along too, definitely a generous resource that deserves a wider audience than it probably has today across the open internet.
Že kar nekaj časa spremljam to temo. Ko sem prvič slišal za odvajanje od alkohola po metodi Dr Vorobjev centra, sem bil neveren. Ampak ko sem prebral izkušnje anderen — ugotovil sem, da to res deluje. Alkoholizem uničuje družine. In najhuje je, da mnogi ne vedo, kam se obrniti. Zato vam želim pokazati vse tehnične podrobnosti in uradne informacije, ki so na voljo na tej povezavi: ambulantno zdravljenje alkoholizma https://www.alkoholizma-zdravljenje-si.com. Na tej povezavi so odgovori na vsa vprašanja.
Meni je ta pristop pomagal. Če poznate koga, ki potrebuje pomoč — vzemite si čas in preberite. Upam, da vam bo koristilo!
Reading this gave me something to think about for the rest of the afternoon, and after syxblue I had even more to mull over, the kind of post that lingers in the background of your day rather than evaporating immediately is genuinely valuable in an attention economy that punishes depth rather than rewarding it.
Liked the careful selection of which details to include and which to skip, and a stop at trumpetsash reflected the same editorial judgement, knowing what to leave out is just as important as knowing what to include and this site has clearly figured out where that line sits for the topics it covers regularly.
Ended up here on a wandering afternoon and was glad I stayed for the read, and a stop at echobrookmerchantgallery extended the wandering into a proper exploration of the site, the kind of place that rewards aimless clicking with something genuinely interesting rather than the shallow content that mostly populates the modern open web.
Worth recognising that the post handled a familiar topic without reaching for any of the obvious hot takes, and a stop at graniteorchardcraftcollective continued that fresh treatment, sites that find new angles on subjects others have exhausted are sites worth following carefully and this one has clearly developed that exploratory instinct through patient practice.
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Once I trust a site this much I tend to read everything they publish and that is the trajectory I am on with this one, and a stop at buyedgeshop confirmed the trajectory, the rare progression from interested reader to comprehensive reader is something only certain sites earn and this one is earning that progression rapidly.
Adding this site to my regular reading list, the post earned that on its own, and a quick stop at broblur sealed the decision, the kind of place worth checking back with from time to time because it consistently produces material that holds up against a critical reading too which I really value.
Probably worth setting aside a longer block to read more carefully than I can right now, and a stop at shoptrailmarket confirmed the longer block plan, the impulse to schedule dedicated time for a sites archive is itself a measure of trust and this site has earned that scheduling impulse from me clearly today actually.
Picked this for a morning recommendation in our company chat, and a look at digitalgoodscorner suggested I will mention this site again later, recommending content into a workplace context is a small editorial act that requires confidence in the recommendation and this site is making me confident in those recommendations consistently here too.
Just one of those reads that left me feeling slightly more capable rather than overwhelmed, and a look at hagaro kept that empowering feel going, the difference between content that builds the reader up and content that intimidates them is huge and this site clearly knows which side of that line to stand.
Честно говоря, родственники просто в тупике. Каждые выходные одно и то же. В такой теме главное не заниматься самодеятельностью. Нашел нормальный вариант — выведение из запоя без госпитализации. Там работают толковые врачи. Если честно, жмите сюда чтобы узнать подробности — выведение из запоя выведение из запоя Не тяните резину, так как запой убивает почки и сердце. Проверено на себе.
Anyone curious about this topic would do well to start here, the foundation laid is solid, and a stop at stridertorch would round out their understanding nicely, this is the kind of resource I would point a friend toward without hesitation if they asked me where to begin learning about anything in this area.
Сил уже нет, родственники на нервах. Что делать — непонятно. Проверенный вариант — нормальное выведение из запоя капельницей. Ребята знают свое дело. Короче, тыкайте сюда — вывод из запоя на дому недорого вывод из запоя на дому недорого Каждая пьянка минус ресурс. Лучше решить проблему сейчас, чем потом собирать по кускам. Проверено на своей шкуре.
Нифига себе проблема, человек просто в штопоре. Как есть — реальное выведение из запоя без кодировки. Врачи с допуском. Короче говоря, там все подробно расписано — снятие запоя цена https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-voronezh-xrt.ru Печень вообще молчит. Поверьте моему опыту, чем труп из квартиры выносить. Рекомендую эту наркологическую клинику.
Блин народ, ситуация просто аховая. Отец не вылезает из бутылки. Нервов уже ни у кого нет. В платную клинику денег нет. Короче, врачи реально вытащили — срочный вывод из запоя круглосуточно. Через час были. В общем, сохраняйте — помощь при запое на дому https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-voronezh-lnm.ru Не ждите. Перешлите другу.