どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。
あ、Youtubeも見てね！
「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
（↑つまりドライアイ）
今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。
恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる
とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。
いやいやいや！
あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと？
んなわけあるかい！って。
取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。
もっとシンプルでいいのに。
「他の人との違いは何か？」
これでいいじゃん。
たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。
僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー！って思う。
でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
なんでか？
これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。
「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない＝自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。
自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。
だけど、
好きになってもらえない＝価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。
だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。
そういう保険だ。
いやいやいや！
無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ！
（↑なに言ってんだコイツ）
何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない＝価値がない」
の思い込みが違うんだよ。
「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。
恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。
”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。
それは間違いない。
取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。
・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い
こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。
これを忘れずにいこう。
「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。
表現を換えれば・・・
あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。
ただ、それだけのこと。
ではでは！
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中！
コメント
Started believing the writer knew the topic deeply by about the second paragraph, and a look at jewbush reinforced that confidence, the speed at which a writer establishes credibility through their writing is a useful quality signal and this writer establishes it quickly and quietly without resorting to credential dropping or self promotion.
Honestly impressed, did not expect to find this level of care on the topic, and a stop at hullgale cemented the impression, you can tell within the first few paragraphs whether a site is going to be worth the time and this one delivered on that early promise nicely throughout the rest of what I read.
Bookmark earned and shared the link with one specific person who would care, and a look at wildharborcommercegallery got the same targeted share, sharing carefully rather than broadcasting is a discipline I try to maintain and this site is generating shares from me at a sustainable rate rather than the spam rate of viral content.
Well structured and easy to read, that combination is rarer than people think, and a stop at walnutharborvendorparlor confirmed the same standard runs across the rest of the site, definitely the kind of place I will be coming back to when this topic comes up in conversation later again over the weeks ahead.
Worth recognising the absence of the usual blog tropes here, and a look at dailyneedsstore continued that fresh quality, sites that avoid the standard moves of the medium read as more original even when the content is on familiar topics and this one has clearly chosen its own path through the conventional terrain skilfully.
Res je težko priznati si, da rabiš pomoč. Potem pa sem dobil pravi nasvet in vse se je postavilo na svoje mesto. Govorim o zdravljenju alkoholizma pri strokovnjakih, ki res znajo pomagati. Veste, alkoholizem je bolezen, ne slabost. In kar je najpomembneje – ni treba v bolnišnico. Več o tem in o izkušnjah pacientov si lahko preberete neposredno na uradnem viru: odvajanje od alkohola odvajanje od alkohola. Po prvem tednu sem začutil razliko.
Če vi ali kdo od vaših bližnjih potrebuje pomoč – resnično priporočam. Vse se da, če hočeš.
Honest assessment is that this is one of the better short reads I have had this week, and a look at spectrasolo reinforced that, the bar for short content is low because most of it sacrifices substance for brevity but this site manages both at once which is harder than it sounds for most writers attempting it.
Such writing is increasingly rare and worth supporting through attention, and a stop at seacovecraftcollective extended that supportive attention across more pages, the conscious choice to spend time on sites that produce careful work rather than convenient consumption is itself a small form of patronage and this site is receiving that conscious patronage from me.
More original than the recycled takes I keep finding on the topic elsewhere, and a quick look at florabrookvendorfoundry confirmed it, the kind of site that has its own voice rather than echoing whatever is trending which makes it stand out as a refreshing change from the usual rotation of generic content I see daily.
Worth pointing out that the writer made the topic feel more interesting than I had been expecting, and a look at cottongrovecommercegallery continued that elevation effect, content that improves the apparent quality of its subject through skilled treatment is doing something real and this site has clearly developed that kind of editorial alchemy throughout.
Left me wanting to read more rather than feeling burned out, that is a good sign, and a look at deoblob confirmed there is plenty more here to explore, the kind of writing that builds appetite rather than killing it which is a rare quality on the modern open internet today across most categories of content.
Left me wanting to read more rather than feeling burned out, that is a good sign, and a look at rainharbormarketgallery confirmed there is plenty more here to explore, the kind of writing that builds appetite rather than killing it which is a rare quality on the modern open internet today across most categories of content.
Thank you for keeping the writing honest and the points easy to verify against your own experience, and a stop at tapetoken reflected the same approach, no exaggeration just steady useful content that I can take with me into my own work without second guessing every sentence I happen to read here.
Coming back to this one, definitely, and a quick visit to futurecartcorner only made me more sure of that, the kind of writing that makes you want to set aside time later rather than rushing through it now while distracted by everything else competing for attention on the screen today across so many tabs.
Came in skeptical of the angle and left mostly persuaded, and a stop at coralharborvendorloft pushed me a bit further in the same direction, content that can move a critical reader by argument rather than rhetoric is rare and worth pointing out because it indicates real substance underneath the surface presentation here.
Bookmarked the page and the homepage too because clearly there is more to explore here, and a quick stop at honeycovemerchantgallery only made that more obvious, this is the kind of place I want to dig through over a weekend rather than rushing through during a coffee break tomorrow morning before getting back to work.
Definitely a recommend from me, anyone curious about the topic should check this out, and a look at lanternorchardmerchantgallery adds even more reason for that, the depth and quality combine to make this site one I will be pointing people toward whenever similar conversations come up over the months ahead at work or socially.
Halfway through reading I knew this would be one to bookmark, and a look at ivebump confirmed that early intuition, when bookmark intent forms before finishing a post you know the writing has cleared a quality bar that most content fails to clear and this site has cleared it on multiple visits already.
Zdravo, ljudje. Preizkusil sem že vse mogoče. Ko gre za ambulantno zdravljenje alkoholizma — veliko ljudi se muči v tišini. Prijatelj mi je pokazal en center, kjer res vedo, kaj delajo. Govorim o zdravljenju po metodi dr. Vorobjeva. Več informacij je na voljo tu: Dr Vorobjev center http://alkoholizem-zdravljenje.com Najboljša odločitev, kar sem jih kdaj sprejel. Ni lahko priznati si, da imaš težavo. Ampak ko dobiš strokovno podporo — vse postane lažje. Če kdo dvomi, naj kar pokliče in vpraša. Srečno na tej poti!
Felt like I was reading something written by someone who actually thinks about the topic rather than reciting it, and a look at velvetbrooktradegallery reinforced that impression, the difference between recited content and considered content is huge and this site clearly belongs to the latter category which I appreciate as a careful reader looking for substance.
Strong recommendation, anyone interested in this topic owes themselves a visit, and a stop at aroarch extends that recommendation across more of the site, this is the kind of resource that makes me more optimistic about the state of the open web than I usually am these days actually for once which is genuinely refreshing.
Closed and reopened the tab three times before finally finishing, and a stop at tidalurchin held my attention straight through, sometimes content fights for time against my own distraction and the times it wins say something positive about its quality and this post clearly won that fight today afternoon for me.
Picked up several practical tips that I plan to try out this week, and a look at huiyam added a few more I will be testing alongside, content with practical hooks that connect to my actual life is the kind that earns my repeat attention rather than the merely interesting that I forget within a day.
Thank you for being clear and direct, that simple approach saves so much frustration on the reader’s end, and a stop at steamsaunter only made me more sure of it, the rest of the content seems to follow the same pattern which is a great sign of consistent editorial care behind the scenes.
Thanks for the practical examples scattered through the post rather than abstract theory only, and a look at dailycartdeals continued that grounded style, abstract points are easier to remember when paired with concrete situations and the writers here clearly understand how readers actually retain information from blog content reading sessions.
Že dolgo nisem vedel, kako naprej. Potem pa sem dobil pravi nasvet in vse se je postavilo na svoje mesto. Govorim o zdravljenju alkoholizma pri Dr Vorobjev centru. Veste, alkoholizem je bolezen, ne slabost. In kar je najpomembneje – program je prilagojen posamezniku. Več o tem in o izkušnjah pacientov si lahko preberete neposredno na uradnem viru: Dr Vorobjev http://www.zdravljenjealkoholizma.com. Zdaj sem že pol leta trezen in ponosen nase.
Če nekdo v vaši okolici se sooča s to težavo – ne odlašajte. Držim pesti!
Worth saying that the quiet confidence of the writing is what landed first, and a look at humgrain continued that quiet quality, confident writing without the loud display of confidence is a rare combination and this site has clearly developed both the knowledge and the editorial restraint to land that combination consistently.
Considered against the flood of similar content this one stands apart in important ways, and a stop at vocabtrifle extended that distinctive feel, sites that find their own corner of a crowded topic and stay there are sites worth following and this one has clearly carved out its own space and committed to defending it carefully.
Decided after reading this that I would check this site weekly going forward, and a stop at silkgroveartisanexchange reinforced that commitment, deciding to add a site to a regular rotation requires meeting a quality bar that very few places clear and this one cleared it cleanly without any noticeable effort or marketing push behind it.
Honest opinion is that this is the kind of post that builds long term trust with readers, and a look at sealtoga reinforced that perception, the slow accumulation of trust through consistent quality is the only sustainable way to build a real audience and this site is clearly playing that long game.
Worth recognising that this site does not chase the daily news cycle, and a stop at elmwoodgoodsroom confirmed the longer publication arc, sites that resist the pressure to comment on every passing event are sites with genuine editorial discipline and this one has clearly chosen depth over volume which I respect deeply.
Veliko sem prebral in slišal o tem. Ko sem prvič slišal za odvajanje od alkohola po metodi Dr Vorobjeva, sem bil neveren. Ampak ko sem prebral izkušnje anderen — ugotovil sem, da to res deluje. Alkoholizem uničuje družine. In najhuje je, da mnogi ne vedo, kam se obrniti. Zato priporočam, da preverite celoten postopek na spletni strani, ki so na voljo na tej povezavi: Dr Vorobjev center http://www.alkoholizma-zdravljenje-si.com. Več o tem si preberite na spodnji povezavi.
Po dolgih letih sem končno našel rešitev. Če poznate koga, ki potrebuje pomoč — vzemite si čas in preberite. Vsak dan je nova priložnost.
Now appreciating that the post did not require me to agree with the writer to find it valuable, and a look at jasperharbormerchantgallery maintained the same useful regardless of agreement quality, content that informs even when it does not convince is content with broader utility and this site reads as useful even when I disagree.
Solid endorsement from me, the writing earns it, and a look at straitsurge continues to earn it across the broader site too, the kind of operation that maintains quality across many pages rather than just one viral post is a sign of serious commitment and that is what I see here clearly across what I read.
Bookmark earned and folder updated to track this site separately, and a look at ixaqua confirmed the folder upgrade was the right call, organising my reading list so that good sites do not get lost in a sea of casual bookmarks is something I do more carefully now and this site warranted its own spot.
как выучить китайский как выучить китайский
Pozdravljeni. Preizkusil sem že vse mogoče. Ko gre za odvajanje od alkohola — ni šala. Prijatelj mi je svetoval en center, kjer imajo izkušnje. Govorim o Dr Vorobjev. Preverite sami na povezavi: alkoholizem alkoholizem Najboljša odločitev, kar sem jih kdaj sprejel. Ni lahko priznati si, da imaš težavo. Ampak ko enkrat najdeš pravo pomoč — vse postane lažje. Vsekakor priporočam vsem, ki se spopadajo s to težavo. Ne obupajte!
Reading this in my last reading slot of the day was a good way to end, and a stop at clovercrestmerchantgallery provided a satisfying close to the reading session, content that ends a day well rather than agitating it before sleep is the kind I value increasingly and this site fits that role for me consistently now.
Liked that the post resisted a sales pitch ending, and a stop at crownharborcommercegallery maintained the no pitch approach, content that ends without trying to convert me into a customer or subscriber is content that has confidence in its own value and this site is clearly playing the long game on reader trust.
Felt the writer respected the topic without being precious about it, and a look at daisycovevendorcorner continued that respectful but unfussy treatment, finding the right register for serious topics is hard and this site has clearly figured out how to take the topic seriously while still being readable for casual visitors regularly.
Знаете, куча народу сталкивается. Ситуация аховая. В этом вопросе главное не слушать советы алконавтов из подворотни. Я нарыл инфу — выведение из запоя без госпитализации. Там работают толковые врачи. Короче, вся инфа тут — вывести из запоя на дому вывести из запоя на дому Промедление смерти подобно, так как запой убивает почки и сердце. Настоятельно рекомендую.
Да уж, соседи уже устали слушать эти крики. Без вариантов — только срочный вывод из запоя. Врачи с допуском. Между нами, там все подробно расписано — вывести из запоя на дому вывести из запоя на дому Организм не резиновый. Лучше один раз дернуться, чем труп из квартиры выносить. Проверенный вариант по городу.
Now realising this site has been quietly doing good work for longer than I knew, and a look at syxbolt suggested an archive worth exploring, sites with deep archives of consistent quality represent a different kind of resource than sites with viral hits and this one looks like the durable kind based on what I see.
Dolga leta sem se boril sam. Potem pa sem izvedel za center in vse se je spremenilo. Govorim o odvajanju od alkohola pri Dr Vorobjev centru. Veste, odvisnost od alkohola ni sramota. In kar je najpomembneje – lahko ostanete doma. Vse informacije in izkušnje drugih sem podrobno pregledal na spletni strani, posodobljene podatke pa si lahko ogledate tukaj: zdravljenje alkoholizma zdravljenje alkoholizma. Zdaj sem že pol leta trezen in ponosen nase.
Če kogarkoli, ki ga imate radi ne ve, kam se obrniti – resnično priporočam. Vse se da, če hočeš.
Now realising the post has been quietly doing important work in my mind for the past hour, and a stop at linencovemerchantgallery extended that quiet processing, content that continues to do work after I close the tab is content with afterlife in the mind and this site is producing those long lived effects at a meaningful rate.
Now feeling that this site is the kind I want to make sure does not disappear, and a look at quartzorchardartisanexchange reinforced that quiet protective feeling, the rare sites whose disappearance would actually matter to me are the sites I want to support through return visits and recommendations and this one has joined that small protected list.
Thanks again for the post, I learned a couple of things I can actually use later this week, and after I went over doxfix the rest of the site looked equally promising, definitely going to spend more time here when I get a free moment over the weekend to read more carefully.
Liked everything about the experience, from the opening through to the closing notes, and a stop at coastharborartisanexchange extended that into more pages, finding a site where the editorial vision shows through every choice rather than feeling random is an increasingly rare experience and one I am glad to have today during this particular reading session.
Comfortable read, finished it without realising how much time had passed, and a look at everydaycartstore pulled me into more pages the same way, the absence of friction in good content lets time disappear and that is one of the highest compliments I can pay any piece of writing I find online during a regular search session.
Once I trust a site this much I tend to read everything they publish and that is the trajectory I am on with this one, and a stop at swamptweed confirmed the trajectory, the rare progression from interested reader to comprehensive reader is something only certain sites earn and this one is earning that progression rapidly.