アドラー心理学から恋愛の「不安」への向き合い方を学ぶ

恋愛・コミュニケーション

どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。

あ、Youtubeも見てね!

「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
(↑つまりドライアイ)
 

今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。

恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
 

アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる

とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。

いやいやいや!

あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと?

んなわけあるかい!って。
 

取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。

もっとシンプルでいいのに。

「他の人との違いは何か?」

これでいいじゃん。
 

たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。

僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー!って思う。
 

でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
 

なんでか?

これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
 

「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。

「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
 

この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない=自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。

自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。

だけど、
好きになってもらえない=価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。

だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。

そういう保険だ。
 

いやいやいや!

無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ!
(↑なに言ってんだコイツ)

何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない=価値がない」
の思い込みが違う
んだよ。
 

「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。

恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。

”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
 

あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。

それは間違いない。
 

取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。

・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い

こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
 

こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。

これを忘れずにいこう。
 

「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。

表現を換えれば・・・

あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。

ただ、それだけのこと。
 

ではでは!
 

◆LINE@も好評です◆

技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
=コミュニケーション力

そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。

期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中!

コメント

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  19. Že kar nekaj časa spremljam to temo. Ko sem prvič slišal za zdravljenje alkoholizma po metodi Dr Vorobjeva, sem bil neveren. Ampak ko sem spoznal ljudi, ki jim je uspelo — ugotovil sem, da to res deluje. Vsak dan se veliko ljudi bori s to težavo. In najhuje je, da ne poznajo dobrih možnosti zdravljenja. Zato vam želim pokazati vse tehnične podrobnosti in uradne informacije, ki so na voljo na tej povezavi: ambulantno zdravljenje alkoholizma http://alkoholizma-zdravljenje-si.com. Več o tem si preberite na spodnji povezavi.

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  20. Res je težko priznati si, da rabiš pomoč. Potem pa sem naletel na eno mesto in vse se je spremenilo. Govorim o odvajanju od alkohola pri Dr Vorobjev centru. Veste, ni lahko, ampak se da premagati. In kar je najpomembneje – lahko ostanete doma. Več o tem in o izkušnjah pacientov si lahko preberete neposredno na uradnem viru: ambulantno zdravljenje alkoholizma http://www.zdravljenjealkoholizma.com. Meni so resnično pomagali.

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  39. Že dolgo nisem vedel, kako naprej. Potem pa sem naletel na eno mesto in vse se je začelo obračati na bolje. Govorim o ambulantnem zdravljenju alkoholizma pri Dr Vorobjev centru. Veste, alkoholizem je bolezen, ne slabost. In kar je najpomembneje – program je prilagojen posamezniku. Več o tem in o izkušnjah pacientov si lahko preberete neposredno na uradnem viru: zdravljenje alkoholizma zdravljenje alkoholizma. Po prvem tednu sem začutil razliko.

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  47. Zdravo, ljudje. Že dolgo sem iskal resnično rešitev. Ko gre za odvajanje od alkohola — veliko ljudi se muči v tišini. Prijatelj mi je pokazal en center, kjer res vedo, kaj delajo. Govorim o Dr Vorobjev centru. Več informacij je na voljo tu: odvisnost od alkohol odvisnost od alkohol Meni so res pomagali. Prvi korak je vedno najtežji. Ampak ko dobiš strokovno podporo — upanje se vrne. Več kot vredno je poskusiti. Ne obupajte!

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  50. Že kar nekaj časa spremljam to temo. Ko sem prvič slišal za zdravljenje alkoholizma po metodi Dr Vorobjeva, sem bil neveren. Ampak ko sem videl rezultate — vse se je spremenilo. Vsak dan se veliko ljudi bori s to težavo. In najhuje je, da ljudje se sramujejo prositi za pomoč. Zato svetujem, da si vzamete čas in preberete posodobljene podatke, ki so na voljo na tej povezavi: odvajanje od alkohola odvajanje od alkohola. Tam boste našli vse potrebne informacije.

    Po dolgih letih sem končno našel rešitev. Če se soočate s podobno težavo — to je lahko prelomnica v vašem življenju. Upam, da vam bo koristilo!