どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。
あ、Youtubeも見てね！
「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
（↑つまりドライアイ）
今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。
恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる
とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。
いやいやいや！
あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと？
んなわけあるかい！って。
取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。
もっとシンプルでいいのに。
「他の人との違いは何か？」
これでいいじゃん。
たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。
僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー！って思う。
でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
なんでか？
これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。
「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない＝自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。
自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。
だけど、
好きになってもらえない＝価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。
だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。
そういう保険だ。
いやいやいや！
無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ！
（↑なに言ってんだコイツ）
何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない＝価値がない」
の思い込みが違うんだよ。
「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。
恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。
”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。
それは間違いない。
取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。
・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い
こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。
これを忘れずにいこう。
「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。
表現を換えれば・・・
あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。
ただ、それだけのこと。
ではでは！
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中！
コメント
Now thinking the topic is more interesting than I had given it credit for, and a stop at buildlongtermbusinessvision continued that elevated interest, content that revives my curiosity about subjects I had set aside is doing genuine work in the structure of my interests and this site is providing that revivifying effect today actually.
Found the section structure particularly thoughtful, and a stop at longtermvaluepartnership suggested the same care across the broader site, structural choices guide the reader through the material in ways most people do not consciously notice but feel the absence of when those choices are made carelessly or not at all.
Liked the post enough to read it twice and the second read found new things, and a stop at smartpurchaseecosystem similarly rewarded the second look, content with hidden depths that only reveal themselves on careful rereading is the rare kind that earns lasting respect rather than fleeting first impressions only briefly held.
Bookmark earned, share earned, return visit earned, all from one reading session, and a look at trustedshoppingplatform did the same, the trifecta of bookmark and share and return is rare in a single visit and represents the highest level of engagement I tend to offer any piece of online content these days here.
Different in a good way from the cookie cutter content that fills most blogs covering this area, and a stop at modernpurchasehub kept showing me why, original thoughtful writing exists if you know where to look and this site has earned a place on my short list of those rare exceptions worth defending.
Just want to acknowledge that the writing here is doing something right, and a quick visit to longtermcorporateconnections confirmed the same standards run across the broader site, recognising good work is something I try to do when I find it because the alternative is silence and silence rewards mediocrity.
Thanks for the moderate length, neither so short it skips substance nor so long it bloats, and a stop at clicktoexploregrowthideas hit the same balance, the right length is one of the hardest things to calibrate in blog writing and I appreciate when a team has clearly thought about it rather than defaulting.
Now realising the post has been quietly doing important work in my mind for the past hour, and a stop at explorelongtermopportunities extended that quiet processing, content that continues to do work after I close the tab is content with afterlife in the mind and this site is producing those long lived effects at a meaningful rate.
Generally my attention drifts on long posts but this one held it through the end, and a stop at buildsmarterdecisions earned the same sustained focus, content that defeats my drift tendency is content with substantive pulling power and this site has demonstrated that pulling power across multiple pieces in a session that has now run quite long actually.
Generally I do not leave comments but this post merits a small note, and a stop at odysseyoutlook extended that comment worthy quality, the urge to actively contribute to a sites community rather than passively consume from it is something specific content provokes and this site has provoked that engagement urge from me today.
If you scroll past this site without looking carefully you will miss something, and a stop at enterpriseunityframework extended that mild warning, the surface of the site does not advertise its quality loudly which means careful attention is required to recognise what is being offered here which is itself a kind of editorial signal.
Well done, the kind of post that makes you slow down and actually read instead of skimming for keywords, and a look at clicktoadvanceknowledge kept me reading carefully too, that is a sign of writing that has been crafted rather than churned out for an algorithm to see today and tomorrow.
Really liked the calm tone running through the post, no shouting and no urgency forced into the writing, and a look at professionalcollaborationhub kept that quiet confidence going, the kind of voice that makes the reader feel respected rather than yelled at which is depressingly common across most modern blog content these days.
Found the post genuinely useful for something I was working on this week, and a look at explorebusinessopportunities added more material I will reference, content that connects to my actual life and work rather than just being interesting in the abstract is the kind I will pay attention to and return to repeatedly.
Honestly slowed down to read this carefully which is not my default, and a look at learnandadvanceonline kept me in that careful reading mode, the kind of writing that demands attention by being worth attention is rare in a media environment full of content engineered to be skimmed not read with any real focus today.
Grateful for posts like this one, they remind me there are still places online run by people who care about quality, and a look at premiumonlinebuyinghub reflected the same standards, you can tell the difference between content made for readers and content made just for search engines today and this is the former.
Worth observing that the post landed without needing a flashy headline to hook attention, and a stop at buildsmartergrowthpaths did the same, content that earns engagement through substance rather than packaging is the kind I trust more deeply and this site has clearly chosen substance as the primary lever for reader engagement throughout.
Most of the time I bounce off similar pages within seconds, and a stop at growwithinformedchoices held me longer than I would have predicted, the ability to convert a likely bouncing visitor into an engaged reader is a quality signal and this site has demonstrated that conversion ability across multiple visits where I expected to bounce.
Picked this for my morning read because the topic seemed worth the time, and a look at secureonlinepurchasehub confirmed the choice was right, my morning reading slot is precious and giving it to this site felt like a good investment rather than a waste which is a higher endorsement than I usually offer for content.
Started reading without much expectation and ended on a high note, and a look at reliabledealshoppinghub continued that arc, content that builds rather than peaks early is a sign of a writer who knows how to structure a piece for sustained reader engagement rather than relying on a strong hook to do all the work.
References:
Spongebob blackjack locuss.evomeet.es
Solid recommendation from me to anyone working in the area, the perspective here is grounded, and a look at easydigitalretail adds even more useful angles, the kind of site that becomes a reference rather than just a one time read which is a higher bar than most blogs ever reach today on the modern web.
Skipped the related products section because there was none, and a stop at morningquartz also lacked any aggressive monetisation, content that is not constantly trying to convert me into a customer or subscriber is content that has confidence in its own value and that confidence shows up as a different reading experience.
Great work on keeping things readable, the post never drags or repeats itself which I really appreciate, and a stop at buildyourstrategicfuture added a bit more context that fit naturally with what was already said here, no need to read everything twice to get the point being made today.
The clarity here is something I really appreciate, especially compared to sites that pile on jargon for no reason, and a look at enterprisebondsolutions was the same, simple direct sentences that actually deliver information instead of dancing around the point for paragraphs at a time which wastes reader patience.
Thanks again for the post, I learned a couple of things I can actually use later this week, and after I went over easyshoppingplace the rest of the site looked equally promising, definitely going to spend more time here when I get a free moment over the weekend to read more carefully.
Well structured and easy to read, that combination is rarer than people think, and a stop at clicktofindclarity confirmed the same standard runs across the rest of the site, definitely the kind of place I will be coming back to when this topic comes up in conversation later again over the weeks ahead.
Really nice to see things explained without overcomplicating the topic, the words flow naturally and stay easy to follow, and a short visit to globaltrustpartnerships only added to that experience because the same simple approach is used across the rest of the page too without any change in tone.
Found this through a search that was generic enough I did not expect quality results, and a look at urbanbuyingstore continued the surprisingly good experience, search engines occasionally still surface excellent independent content if you scroll past the obvious paid and high authority results which is reassuring to remember sometimes.
Reading this gave me confidence to make a decision I had been putting off, and a stop at harborline reinforced that confidence, content that translates into action in my own life rather than just informing it is content with the highest practical value and this site is generating that action level utility for me lately.
The headings made navigating the post simple even when I needed to find a specific section quickly, and a look at professionalcollaborationbonds continued the same thoughtful structure, small details like clear headings show that someone is actually thinking about how the reader uses the page rather than just filling it for length alone.
Bookmark earned, share earned, return visit earned, all from one reading session, and a look at exploregrowthideas did the same, the trifecta of bookmark and share and return is rare in a single visit and represents the highest level of engagement I tend to offer any piece of online content these days here.
Now feeling confident enough in this site to use it as a reference point for evaluating others on the same topic, and a look at strategiccorporatealliances continued the comparison friendly quality, sites that serve as quality benchmarks for their topic are precious and this one has clearly become a benchmark for me on this particular subject area.
Now recognising that the post handled the topic with appropriate technical precision without becoming dry, and a stop at professionaltrustalliances continued that balance, technical precision and readability are often in tension and this site has clearly figured out how to maintain both at once which is one of the harder editorial achievements in the form.
Now planning to write about the topic myself eventually using this post as a reference, and a look at playufabetgames would also serve in that future piece, content that becomes raw material for my own writing rather than just informing my reading is content with multiplicative value and this site is generating that multiplicative effect.
Reading this gave me the rare experience of fully agreeing with all the conclusions, and a stop at clickforstrategicplanning continued that agreement pattern, content that aligns with my existing views without seeming designed to do so is just content that happens to be reasonable and this site reads as reasonable rather than ideological mostly.
Approaching this site through a casual link click and being surprised by what I found, and a look at learnfrommarketleaders extended the surprise, the rare experience of stumbling into excellent independent content rather than predictable mediocrity is one of the actual remaining pleasures of casual web browsing and this site provided it cleanly.
Now recognising the post as a rare example of careful writing on a topic that mostly receives careless treatment, and a stop at learnandimprovecontinuously extended that contrast with the average elsewhere, content that highlights how much the average is settling for low quality is content that has both internal merit and external value as a benchmark.
Reading this gave me a small sense of progress on a topic I have been slowly working through, and a stop at smartdealpurchasecenter added another step forward, learning happens in small increments across many sources and finding sources that consistently contribute is the actual practical value of careful curation in an information rich world.
A clear case of writing that does not try to do too much in one post, and a look at premiumonlinebuyinghub maintained the same scoped discipline, posts that try to cover too much end up covering nothing well and this site has clearly chosen scope discipline as a core editorial principle which shows up clearly in what I read.
Thanks for laying this out in a way that someone newer to the topic can follow, and a stop at globalbusinessunity kept that accessibility going, writing that meets readers at different experience levels without condescending is hard to do well and the writers here have clearly thought about who they are writing for.
Bookmarking this for later, the kind of resource I want to keep nearby, and a quick look at modernshoppinginfrastructure confirmed the rest of the site is worth the same treatment, definitely going into my reference folder for the next time the topic comes up at work or in conversation with someone who asks.
Слушайте, кто реально знает, как быть? Ситуация реально критическая, Родственники в панике и вообще не знают, что делать. Никакие народные методы и таблетки из аптеки вообще не помогают до тех пор, не нашли проверенную медицинскую службу, начиная от качественной детоксикации на месте и заканчивая подбором медикаментов. Полностью сняли мучительную ломку и стабилизировали общее состояние.
Кому тоже экстренно необходим проверенный круглосуточный телефон наркологии, там расписаны все технические подробности оказания помощи капельницы от алкоголя капельницы от алкоголя Квалифицированная медицинская помощь на дому — это единственный реальный выход, обязательно перешлите этот пост тем, кто тоже сейчас находится в такой же критической ситуации!
Looking through other posts here the consistency is what makes the site valuable rather than any single piece, and a stop at discovermodernstrategies extended that consistency observation, sites whose value lies in the ongoing pattern rather than in standout posts are sites I trust more deeply and this one has clearly built that kind of trust.
Will be passing this along to a few people who would benefit from the perspective shared here, and a stop at digitalcommercebuying only added to what I will be sharing, this kind of generous content deserves to circulate widely rather than getting buried in some search engine algorithm tweak that pushes it down the rankings.
A memorable post for me on a topic I had thought I was tired of, and a look at buildlongtermbusinessvision suggested the same site can refresh other tired topics, sites that can revive my interest in subjects I had written off as exhausted are doing rare work and this one is clearly doing that for me today.
Worth recognising the specific care that went into how this post ended, and a look at buildyourfuturepath maintained the same careful conclusions, endings are where most blog content falls apart and this site has clearly invested in the closing stretches of its pieces rather than letting them simply trail off when energy fades.
Thanks for the practical examples scattered through the post rather than abstract theory only, and a look at easyonlinepurchasecenter continued that grounded style, abstract points are easier to remember when paired with concrete situations and the writers here clearly understand how readers actually retain information from blog content reading sessions.
Comfortable read, finished it without realising how much time had passed, and a look at businesstrustinfrastructure pulled me into more pages the same way, the absence of friction in good content lets time disappear and that is one of the highest compliments I can pay any piece of writing I find online during a regular search session.
Люди помогите советом Отец не выходит из штопора Дети напуганы В больницу тащить страшно Короче, единственное что вытащило из запоя — капельница от запоя на дому срочно Приехали через 40 минут В общем, вся инфа по ссылке — капельницы на дому екатеринбург цена https://pomosch-alkogolizm.kapelnicza-ot-zapoya-ekaterinburg-nmx.ru Капельница от запоя — это реальный выход Перешлите тем кто в такой же ситуации