どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。
あ、Youtubeも見てね！
「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
（↑つまりドライアイ）
今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。
恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる
とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。
いやいやいや！
あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと？
んなわけあるかい！って。
取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。
もっとシンプルでいいのに。
「他の人との違いは何か？」
これでいいじゃん。
たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。
僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー！って思う。
でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
なんでか？
これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。
「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない＝自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。
自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。
だけど、
好きになってもらえない＝価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。
だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。
そういう保険だ。
いやいやいや！
無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ！
（↑なに言ってんだコイツ）
何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない＝価値がない」
の思い込みが違うんだよ。
「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。
恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。
”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。
それは間違いない。
取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。
・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い
こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。
これを忘れずにいこう。
「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。
表現を換えれば・・・
あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。
ただ、それだけのこと。
ではでは！
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中！
コメント
Слушайте кто сталкивался Муж просто умирает на глазах Жена рыдает В диспансер тащить — последнее дело Короче, врачи стационара реально вытащили — вывод из запоя в стационаре нижний Новгород недорого Капельницы и уколы по схеме В общем, телефон и цены тут — выведение из запоя в стационаре выведение из запоя в стационаре Не ждите пока станет хуже Перешлите тем кто в беде
Probably this is one of the better quiet successes on the open web at the moment, and a look at collaborativegrowthnetwork reinforced that quiet success quality, sites that are doing well without making a noise about doing well are the sites I most respect and this one has clearly chosen the quiet success path consistently throughout.
Now wondering how the writers calibrated the level of detail so well, and a stop at createbetteroutcomes continued the same calibration, the right level of detail is one of the harder editorial calls in any piece and this site has clearly developed an instinct for it through what I assume is years of careful practice publicly.
Reading this confirmed a small detail I had been uncertain about, and a stop at buildyourstrategicfuture provided the source for further checking, content that supports verification through citations or links rather than just asserting facts is more trustworthy and this site has clearly built its credibility through that kind of verifiable approach consistently.
Worth flagging this site to a few specific friends who would appreciate the editorial sensibility, and a look at discovernewbusinesspaths added more pages I will mention to them, recommending sites to specific people requires understanding both the site and the person and this site is making those personalised recommendations easy and natural for me.
Now feeling the rare pleasure of trusting a source completely on first encounter, and a look at clicktolearnstrategically extended that initial trust into something more durable, the calibration of trust to evidence is something I do informally and this site has earned high trust through the cumulative weight of multiple consistently good posts already.
The pacing of the post was just right, never rushed and never dragged out unnecessarily, and a look at enterprisevaluealliances maintained the same rhythm, you can tell the writer has experience because the difficult skill of pacing is something only practiced writers manage to handle well in long form content over time and across formats.
Coming to this with low expectations and being pleasantly surprised by the substance, and a stop at fastbuyingoutlet continued exceeding expectations, the recalibration of expectations upward across multiple positive readings is one of the actual rewards of careful browsing and this site is providing that recalibration at a steady rate apparently.
Bookmarked the page and the homepage too because clearly there is more to explore here, and a quick stop at sustainablebusinesspartnerships only made that more obvious, this is the kind of place I want to dig through over a weekend rather than rushing through during a coffee break tomorrow morning before getting back to work.
Now realising the post has been quietly doing important work in my mind for the past hour, and a stop at securemarketbuyingplace extended that quiet processing, content that continues to do work after I close the tab is content with afterlife in the mind and this site is producing those long lived effects at a meaningful rate.
A piece that built up gradually rather than front loading its main points, and a look at trustedcorporateconnections maintained the same gradual structure, content that trusts the reader to reach conclusions through accumulating reasoning is more persuasive than content that announces conclusions and then defends them and this site uses the persuasive approach.
Now wondering how the writers calibrated the level of detail so well, and a stop at clicktoexploreideas continued the same calibration, the right level of detail is one of the harder editorial calls in any piece and this site has clearly developed an instinct for it through what I assume is years of careful practice publicly.
Quietly the post solved something I had been turning over without quite knowing how to phrase the question, and a look at zenvaxo extended that quiet solving, content that addresses unformulated needs is content with reader insight and this site has demonstrated that insight at a high rate across the pieces I have read recently.
Started reading and ended an hour later without realising the time had passed, and a look at globalbusinessrelationshiphub produced the same time dilation effect, when content makes time feel different the writer has achieved something well beyond the average and this site is producing that experience for me reliably across multiple readings.
References:
Casino luck http://www.google.co.zw/
Reading this in a quiet coffee shop matched the calm energy of the writing, and a stop at discovernewbusinesspaths extended that environmental match, content that has its own ambient quality which can match or clash with surroundings is content with a personality and this site has the kind of personality that suits calm reading.
References:
Lucky dog casino lospromotores.net
Worth observing that the post landed without needing a flashy headline to hook attention, and a stop at globalbusinessrelationshiphub did the same, content that earns engagement through substance rather than packaging is the kind I trust more deeply and this site has clearly chosen substance as the primary lever for reader engagement throughout.
Just want to acknowledge that the writing here is doing something right, and a quick visit to businessrelationshipnetwork confirmed the same standards run across the broader site, recognising good work is something I try to do when I find it because the alternative is silence and silence rewards mediocrity.
Closed the post with a small satisfied sigh, and a stop at securecommercialalliances produced the same gentle exhale, content that ends well is content that respects the rhythm of reading and the writers here have clearly thought about how their pieces close rather than just trailing off when they run out of things to say.
Came here from a search and stayed for the side links because they were that interesting, and a stop at globalenterprisebonds took me even further into the site, the kind of organic exploration that good content invites is something most sites kill through aggressive interlinking and pushy navigation choices rather than relying on quality.
Now setting up a small reminder to revisit the site on a slow day, and a stop at corporateunitysolutions confirmed the reminder was a good idea, planning return visits is a small organisational act that signals trust in ongoing quality and this site has earned that planned return through consistent performance across the pieces I have read so far.
Skipped past the first paragraph thinking it was setup and had to come back when the rest referenced it, and a stop at bondedcompass similarly rewarded careful reading from the start, content where every paragraph carries weight is content I now know to read from the beginning rather than skipping ahead.
Started reading skeptically because the headline seemed overconfident, and the post earned the headline by the end, and a look at globalenterprisebonds continued that pattern of earning its claims, sites that can back up their headlines without overpromising are rare and this one has clearly developed editorial calibration on that front consistently.
Worth recognising that the post handled a familiar topic without reaching for any of the obvious hot takes, and a stop at explorelongtermopportunities continued that fresh treatment, sites that find new angles on subjects others have exhausted are sites worth following carefully and this one has clearly developed that exploratory instinct through patient practice.
Glad the writer did not feel the need to argue with imaginary critics in the post itself, and a stop at modernshoppingecosystem kept the same focused approach going, defensive writing wastes the reader time and confidence on positions that did not need defending and this post has clearly avoided that common failure.
Pass this along to anyone you know dealing with similar questions, the answers here are clear, and a stop at globalshoppinginfrastructure adds even more useful material, this is the kind of resource that deserves to circulate widely rather than getting lost in the constant churn of new content online that buries good work daily.
Worth recognising that this site does not chase the daily news cycle, and a stop at professionaltrustalliances confirmed the longer publication arc, sites that resist the pressure to comment on every passing event are sites with genuine editorial discipline and this one has clearly chosen depth over volume which I respect deeply.
Halfway through reading I knew this would be one to bookmark, and a look at clicktofindstrategicoptions confirmed that early intuition, when bookmark intent forms before finishing a post you know the writing has cleared a quality bar that most content fails to clear and this site has cleared it on multiple visits already.
Glad I gave this a chance instead of bouncing on the headline, and after globalretailcommercehub I was certain I had made the right call, snap judgements based on titles miss a lot of good content and this is a reminder to slow down and check things out before scrolling past in a hurry.
Considered as a whole this site has developed a coherent point of view that comes through in individual pieces, and a look at trusteddealstore continued displaying that coherence, sites with a unified perspective rather than a grab bag of takes are sites with editorial maturity and this one has clearly developed that maturity through years of work.
Now adding the writer to a small mental list of voices I want to follow, and a look at smartbuyingcorner reinforced that follow intention, the few writers whose work I actively track are writers who have demonstrated sustained quality and this writer has clearly demonstrated that sustained quality across the pieces I have sampled here today.
Picked a single sentence from this post to remember, and a look at businessgrowthpartnerships gave me another to keep, content that produces memorable lines is doing more than just transferring information and the small selection of sentences I keep from each reading session is one of the actual returns I get from reading carefully.
Started imagining how I would explain the topic to someone else after reading, and a look at valuebasedshoppingonline gave me more material for that imagined explanation, content that improves my own ability to discuss a topic is content that has actually transferred knowledge rather than just decorating my screen for a few minutes.
Decided this was the best thing I had read all morning, and a stop at clicktofindclarity kept that ranking intact, ranking my reading is something I do mentally throughout the day and the top rank is competitive and not easily won but this site won it without needing to overstate its claims for that.
Closed and reopened the tab three times before finally finishing, and a stop at onlineconsumerbuying held my attention straight through, sometimes content fights for time against my own distraction and the times it wins say something positive about its quality and this post clearly won that fight today afternoon for me.
Нижний Новгород, всем привет Муж просто умирает на глазах Жена рыдает Скорая не приедет на такой вызов Короче, единственные кто взялся за безнадёжный случай — вывод из запоя в стационаре нижний Новгород недорого Выписали через неделю здоровым В общем, жмите чтобы сохранить — вывод из запоя клиника https://kodirovanie.vyvod-iz-zapoya-v-staczionare-nizhnij-novgorod-xft.ru Звоните прямо сейчас Это может спасти жизнь
Now setting aside time on my next free afternoon to read more from the archives, and a stop at everydaypurchaseplatform confirmed that time will be well spent, the rare site whose archive deserves a dedicated reading session rather than just casual sampling is the kind of resource worth scheduling around and this one qualifies clearly.
Closed the post with a small satisfied sigh, and a stop at clicktoadvanceknowledge produced the same gentle exhale, content that ends well is content that respects the rhythm of reading and the writers here have clearly thought about how their pieces close rather than just trailing off when they run out of things to say.
References:
Chateau richelieu freethesaurus.com
Came in skeptical of the angle and left mostly persuaded, and a stop at clickforgrowthinsights pushed me a bit further in the same direction, content that can move a critical reader by argument rather than rhetoric is rare and worth pointing out because it indicates real substance underneath the surface presentation here.
Felt the post had been quietly polished rather than aggressively styled, and a look at globaldigitalshoppingmarket confirmed the same understated polish, sites whose quality reveals itself slowly rather than announcing itself loudly are the kind I trust more deeply because the trust is not based on first impressions of marketing but actual substance.
References:
Lollybet Casino Bonus ohne Umsatzbedingungen electro-torrent.pl
Нижний Новгород, всем привет Ситуация критическая Жена рыдает Платная клиника просит бешеные деньги Короче, спасла только госпитализация — капельница от запоя в стационаре круглосуточно Выписали через неделю здоровым В общем, вся инфа по ссылке — прокапаться в стационаре https://klinika.vyvod-iz-zapoya-v-staczionare-nizhnij-novgorod-srv.ru Стационар — это единственный выход Это может спасти жизнь
A thoughtful piece that did not strain to be thoughtful, and a look at professionalbusinessbonding continued that effortless quality, when thinking shows up in writing without the writer drawing attention to it you know you are reading something genuinely considered rather than something performing the appearance of consideration which is also common online.
This actually answered the question I had been searching for, and after I checked clicktoexplorefutures I had a few more pieces I had not realised I needed, that is the sign of a site that knows what its readers want before they even know how to ask it which is impressive.
Люди подскажите Отец не выходит из штопора Дети напуганы Таблетки не помогают Короче, врачи приехали и поставили систему — вывод из запоя на дому круглосуточно Сняли ломку и стабилизировали состояние В общем, телефон и цены тут — вывод из запоя спб вывод из запоя спб Звоните прямо сейчас Перешлите тем кто в такой же ситуации
Came in tired from a long day and the writing held my attention anyway, and a stop at learnfromexpertinsights kept that going, content that can engage a fatigued reader is doing something right because most online reading happens in suboptimal conditions like that one and quality content adapts to it without complaint.
References:
Mahjong more time https://gladjobs.com/employer/check-a-website-for-risk-check-if-fraudulent-website-trust-reviews-check-website-is-fake-or-a-scam
Thanks for the simple approach, too many sites bury the actual point under layers of unnecessary words, but here every line earns its place, and a look at bluecrestbond showed the same care for the reader which is something I will remember the next time I need answers on a topic.