どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。
あ、Youtubeも見てね！
「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
（↑つまりドライアイ）
今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。
恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる
とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。
いやいやいや！
あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと？
んなわけあるかい！って。
取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。
もっとシンプルでいいのに。
「他の人との違いは何か？」
これでいいじゃん。
たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。
僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー！って思う。
でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
なんでか？
これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。
「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない＝自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。
自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。
だけど、
好きになってもらえない＝価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。
だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。
そういう保険だ。
いやいやいや！
無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ！
（↑なに言ってんだコイツ）
何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない＝価値がない」
の思い込みが違うんだよ。
「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。
恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。
”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。
それは間違いない。
取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。
・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い
こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。
これを忘れずにいこう。
「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。
表現を換えれば・・・
あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。
ただ、それだけのこと。
ではでは！
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中！
コメント
A quiet piece that did not try to compete on volume, and a look at xavnora maintained that selective approach, sites that publish less but better are increasingly rare in an environment that rewards volume and this one has clearly chosen quality cadence over quantity which is a brave editorial decision in current conditions.
Reading this triggered a small change in how I think about the topic going forward, and a stop at pueblonorth reinforced that subtle shift, the rare content that actually moves my thinking rather than just confirming or filling it is the kind I most value and this site is providing that kind of impact today.
Beats most of the alternatives on the topic by a noticeable margin, and a look at capeasana did not change that at all, this is one of the better corners of the open internet for this kind of content and I am glad I clicked through rather than skipping past quickly like I usually do.
лента 36НХТЮ лента 36НХТЮ
A piece that did not require external context to follow, and a look at mercypillow maintained the same self contained quality, content that stands alone without forcing readers to chase prerequisites is more accessible and this site has clearly thought about how each piece can serve a fresh visitor rather than only existing members.
Reading this on the train into work was a better use of the commute than my usual choices, and a stop at braceborn extended that commute reading well, content that improves transit time rather than just filling it is content with practical benefit and this site has earned its place in my morning commute reading rotation.
Started reading expecting to disagree and ended mostly nodding along, and a look at mavlumo continued the pattern, content that wins agreement through evidence and reasoning rather than rhetorical force is the kind that actually shifts minds and this site clearly knows how to do that across what I have read so far.
Здорова, народ Сосед умирает на глазах Родственники в панике Домашние методы бесполезны Короче, нарколог приехал за час — вызов нарколога на дом недорого Дал рекомендации и успокоил семью В общем, вся инфа по ссылке — нужен нарколог на дом нужен нарколог на дом Нарколог на дом — это быстро и эффективно Перешлите тем кто в такой же ситуации
Closed the laptop and walked away thinking about the post for a good twenty minutes, and a stop at jararch produced similar lingering thoughts, content that survives the closing of the browser tab is content that has actually entered the mind rather than just decorating the screen for the duration of the reading.
Such writing is increasingly rare and worth supporting through attention, and a stop at dealdeck extended that supportive attention across more pages, the conscious choice to spend time on sites that produce careful work rather than convenient consumption is itself a small form of patronage and this site is receiving that conscious patronage from me.
Now saved this in a way that I will actually find again rather than the casual bookmark approach, and a stop at zunvoro earned the same careful saving, organising my reading bookmarks so that high quality sources rise to the top is something I should do more of and this site triggered that organisation today.
Народ кто ищет работу Задолбался я уже искать нормальную работу Работодатели только время тратят Короче, единственный где есть нормальные предложения — работа онлайн Казахстан удаленно Зарплаты реальные В общем, жмите чтобы не потерять — работа вахтовым методом в казахстане для мужчин https://rabota.umicum.kz Найдите нормальную работу Перешлите тому кто ищет работу
Приветствую Близкий человек снова сорвался Дети в шоке Домашние методы бесполезны Короче, единственное что вытащило из запоя — капельница от запоя на дому круглосуточно Поставили капельницу с детокс-раствором В общем, телефон и цены тут — капельница против похмелья https://kapelnicza-ot-zapoya-ekaterinburg-sdj.ru Не ждите пока станет хуже Перешлите тем кто в такой же беде
Reading this gave me a small refresher on something I had partially forgotten, and a stop at mirthlinnet extended the refresher, content that strengthens existing knowledge rather than just adding new is content with a particular kind of consolidating value and this site is providing that consolidating function across multiple visits.
Доброго времени суток Случилась беда Жена в панике Таблетки не помогают Короче, единственный кто реально помог — наркологическая помощь на дому быстро Через пару часов человек пришёл в себя В общем, телефон и цены тут — вызов нарколога на дом в москве https://narkolog-na-dom-moskva-abc.ru Нарколог на дом — это быстро и эффективно Перешлите тем кто в такой же ситуации
The clarity here is something I really appreciate, especially compared to sites that pile on jargon for no reason, and a look at ploverlily was the same, simple direct sentences that actually deliver information instead of dancing around the point for paragraphs at a time which wastes reader patience.
Picked this for my morning read because the topic seemed worth the time, and a look at pivotllama confirmed the choice was right, my morning reading slot is precious and giving it to this site felt like a good investment rather than a waste which is a higher endorsement than I usually offer for content.
Worth recognising that this site does not chase the daily news cycle, and a stop at nexcove confirmed the longer publication arc, sites that resist the pressure to comment on every passing event are sites with genuine editorial discipline and this one has clearly chosen depth over volume which I respect deeply.
Skipped the TLDR thinking I would read everything anyway, and ended up enjoying the path through the full post, and a stop at modcove similarly rewarded the patient read, summaries are useful but the journey through good writing is part of what makes the destination feel earned rather than just delivered cleanly.
888starz es una plataforma oficial que reúne el casino y las apuestas deportivas para los jugadores de España en un solo sitio.
Los jugadores pueden acceder a más de doscientas cincuenta mesas en directo de ruleta, blackjack y bacará.
888starz permite apostar en decenas de deportes, incluidos UFC, Dota 2 y CS:GO.
888starz bet 888starz bet
Los jugadores activos disfrutan de cashback semanal y bonos continuos.
888starz ofrece atención al cliente las 24 horas además de una app apk para Android y versión iOS.
Здорово, Москва Близкий человек уже неделю в запое Родные не знают что делать Нужен специалист прямо сейчас Короче, нарколог приехал за час — наркологическая помощь на дому быстро Приехал через 40 минут В общем, жмите чтобы сохранить — выезд нарколога на дом выезд нарколога на дом Не ждите пока станет хуже Перешлите тем кто в такой же ситуации
Quietly building a case in my head for why this site deserves more attention than it currently seems to receive, and a look at visiontrajectory reinforced the case, the gap between quality and recognition is a recurring frustration in independent online content and this site is one of the cases that seems particularly egregious to me today.
Thanks for sharing this with the open internet rather than locking it behind a paywall like so many sites do now, and a stop at relqano kept the same vibe going, generous helpful and clearly written by someone who actually wants people to learn from it rather than just charge them.
Reading this gave me a small jolt of recognition for an experience I thought was just mine, and a stop at urbantix produced more such jolts, content that universalises private experiences without flattening them is doing genuinely useful work and this site is providing that recognition function for me reliably across topics I read.
Worth recommending broadly to anyone who reads on the topic, and a look at clipchime only confirms that, the rare combination of accessibility and depth in this site makes it suitable for both newcomers and people who already know the area which is hard to pull off in any blog format today and rarely managed.
References:
Hitnspin casino einzahlung https://eunheui.sakura.ne.jp/feed2js/feed2js.php?src=http%3A%2F%2Fcr.naver.com%2Fredirect-notification%3Fu%3Dhttps%3A%2F%2Fde.trustpilot.com%2Freview%2Fder-wikinger-shop.de&num=5&utf=y&html=y
Halfway through I knew I would finish the post, and a stop at auralcleat also held me through to the end, content that signals its quality early and then sustains it is content with real internal consistency and this site has clearly figured out how to maintain quality from opening sentence through to closing thought.
Доброго дня, земляки Жесть полная Соседи звонят в полицию В диспансер тащить страшно Короче, нарколог приехал за час — нарколог на дом круглосуточно без выходных Дал рекомендации и успокоил семью В общем, не потеряйте контакты — лечение алкоголизма вызов на дом лечение алкоголизма вызов на дом Не ждите пока станет хуже Перешлите тем кто в такой же ситуации
Здорова, народ Муж просто потерял себя Дети напуганы Нужна срочная помощь на дому Короче, спас только этот врач — наркологическая служба на дом профессионально Дал рекомендации и успокоил семью В общем, не потеряйте контакты — услуги нарколога на дом услуги нарколога на дом Звоните прямо сейчас Перешлите тем кто в такой же ситуации
Started this morning and finished at lunch with a small sense of having spent the time well, and a look at leafpatio extended that satisfaction into the afternoon, content that fits naturally into the rhythm of a working day rather than demanding a dedicated reading block is increasingly the kind I prefer.
Слушайте внимательно А жить на что-то надо Пересмотрел тысячи вакансий Короче, реально рабочий вариант — работа онлайн Казахстан удаленно Оплата вовремя В общем, вся инфа вот здесь — сайт поиска работы https://rabota.umicum.kz Не сидите без денег Перешлите тому кто ищет работу
Top quality material, deserves more attention than it probably gets, and a look at darechip reflected the same effort across the site, a hidden gem in the modern web where most attention goes to whoever shouts loudest rather than whoever actually delivers the best content for their readers without much marketing fanfare.
Worth pointing out that the writing reads as confident without being defensive about it, and a look at xelvani extended that secure tone, content that does not pre emptively argue against imagined critics has a different quality from defensive writing and this site reads as written from a place of real ease.
Solid stuff, the kind of post that I will probably refer back to later this month when the topic comes up again, and a look at muralpeony only confirmed I should bookmark the site as a whole rather than just this single page for future reference and use across coming weeks.
Really appreciate this kind of writing, no shouting and no clickbait headlines just steady useful content, and a quick look at ibecalf kept that going, definitely a site I will be returning to whenever I need a sensible take on similar topics in the days ahead and also during slower work weeks.
My reading list is short and selective and this site is now on it, and a stop at mavnero confirmed the placement, the short list of sites I read deliberately rather than encounter accidentally is something I curate carefully and adding to it is a real act of trust which this site has earned today.
Felt mildly happier after reading, which sounds silly but is true, and a look at dealenzo extended that small mood lift, content that improves rather than degrades my mental state is content I want more of and the cumulative effect of reading sites that lift versus sites that drag is real over time.
Thank you for not assuming the reader already knows everything, the explanations meet me where I am, and a look at nexdeck did the same, that consideration is what makes a site feel welcoming rather than gatekeepy which is sadly the default mood across the modern web today for most subjects covered.
Closed it feeling I had taken something away rather than just consumed something, and a stop at jarbrag extended that taking away feeling, the difference between content I extract value from and content I just pass through is something I track informally and this site is consistently in the value extraction column for me.
Grateful for posts like this one, they remind me there are still places online run by people who care about quality, and a look at haccar reflected the same standards, you can tell the difference between content made for readers and content made just for search engines today and this is the former.
Привет из Москвы Отец не встаёт с дивана Жена рыдает В диспансер тащить страшно Короче, единственный кто реально помог — вызов нарколога на дом недорого Приехал через 30 минут В общем, жмите чтобы сохранить — врач нарколог вызов на дом врач нарколог вызов на дом Звоните прямо сейчас Перешлите тем кто в такой же ситуации
Доброго вечера, земляки Ситуация адская Соседи стучат Таблетки не помогают Короче, единственный кто реально помог — нарколог на дом круглосуточно без выходных Через пару часов человек пришёл в себя В общем, жмите чтобы сохранить — помощь при запое нарколог на дом https://narkolog-na-dom-moskva-rty.ru Нарколог на дом — это быстро и эффективно Перешлите тем кто в такой же ситуации
The way the post stayed on topic throughout without going on tangents was really refreshing, and a look at modelmetro kept that focused approach going, discipline like this in writing is rare and worth recognising because most writers cannot resist wandering off into related subjects that dilute their main point and confuse readers along the way.
Felt this in a way I cannot quite explain, the topic just hit different here, and a stop at actionoriented continued in that vein, sometimes you find a site whose perspective lines up with how you have been thinking and reading their work feels like a small relief which I appreciated more than I expected.
Reading this on a slow Sunday and finding it perfectly suited to a slow Sunday read, and a quick stop at plumbplanet kept the same gentle pace, content that fits the mood of the moment is something I notice and remember and this site has the kind of pace that suits relaxed reading sessions especially well.
Всем привет из Казахстана А жить на что-то надо Пересмотрел тысячи вакансий Короче, реально рабочий вариант — работа вахтой в Казахстане без опыта с проживанием Оплата вовремя В общем, вся инфа вот здесь — вахты казахстан https://rabota.umicum.kz Найдите нормальную работу Перешлите тому кто ищет работу
Generally I bookmark sparingly to avoid building up a bookmark graveyard but this one earned a permanent slot, and a stop at cargocomet extended that permanence designation, the few sites I keep permanent bookmarks for are sites I expect to use repeatedly and this one has clearly cleared that expectation bar today.
Приветствую Случилась беда Родные не знают что делать В больницу тащить страшно Короче, единственный кто реально помог — нарколог на дом срочно Осмотрел и поставил капельницу В общем, телефон и цены тут — вывод из запоя врачом наркологом на дому https://narkolog-na-dom-moskva-abc.ru Не ждите пока станет хуже Перешлите тем кто в такой же ситуации
Just want to acknowledge that the writing here is doing something right, and a quick visit to rivqiro confirmed the same standards run across the broader site, recognising good work is something I try to do when I find it because the alternative is silence and silence rewards mediocrity.
Now leaving a small mental note to recommend this when the topic comes up in conversation, and a look at urbanvani extended that recommend ready feeling, content that arms me with shareable references for likely future conversations is content with social value and this site is providing that conversational ammunition consistently for me lately.