どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。
あ、Youtubeも見てね！
「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
（↑つまりドライアイ）
今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。
恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる
とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。
いやいやいや！
あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと？
んなわけあるかい！って。
取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。
もっとシンプルでいいのに。
「他の人との違いは何か？」
これでいいじゃん。
たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。
僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー！って思う。
でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
なんでか？
これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。
「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない＝自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。
自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。
だけど、
好きになってもらえない＝価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。
だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。
そういう保険だ。
いやいやいや！
無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ！
（↑なに言ってんだコイツ）
何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない＝価値がない」
の思い込みが違うんだよ。
「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。
恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。
”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。
それは間違いない。
取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。
・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い
こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。
これを忘れずにいこう。
「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。
表現を換えれば・・・
あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。
ただ、それだけのこと。
ではでは！
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中！
コメント
Reading this in a moment of low energy still kept my attention, and a stop at gribump continued that engagement under suboptimal conditions, content that survives the reader being tired is content with extra reserves of pull and this site has the kind of writing that holds up even when I am not at my reading best.
Started thinking about my own writing differently after reading, and a look at gildedcovemerchantgallery continued that reflective effect, content that influences how I work rather than just informing what I know is content with the highest kind of impact and this site has triggered some of that reflective influence today on me.
Thanks for putting this online without locking it behind email signups or paywalls, and a quick visit to hewzap kept that open feel going, content that trusts the reader to come back rather than gating access is the kind of approach I will reward with regular return visits over time happily.
Probably the best thing I have read on this topic in the past month, and a stop at crearena extended that ranking, the casual ranking of recent reading is informal but real and this site has been winning those rankings for me on this topic specifically over the last several weeks of regular reading sessions.
Decided this was the kind of site I would defend in a discussion about good blog content, and a stop at wildorchardmerchantgallery reinforced that, very few sites earn active defence rather than passive consumption and this one has clearly crossed that threshold for me without needing any explicit pitch from the writers themselves either.
Stayed longer than planned because each section earned the next, and a look at thatchteapot kept that pulling effect going across more pages, the kind of subtle pull that good writing exerts on attention is something I find harder and harder to resist when I encounter it on the open web today.
This one is staying open in a tab for the rest of the day so I can come back and re read certain parts, and a look at swansignal suggests I will be doing the same with a few more pages here too, this is going to be a deep dive over the coming hours.
Skipped breakfast still reading this and finished hungry but satisfied, and a stop at tundratoken kept me past breakfast time, content that displaces basic biological needs is content with serious attentional pull and the writers here are clearly capable of producing that level of engagement which is genuinely impressive these days.
Recommended without reservation for anyone interested in the topic at any level of expertise, and a look at sonarsandal only strengthens that recommendation, this site clearly knows how to serve readers across a range of backgrounds without watering down the content or talking past anyone in the audience which is genuinely impressive to see.
Will share this on a forum I am part of where it will be appreciated by others working in the same area, and a look at scenictrader suggests there is more here worth passing along too, definitely a generous resource that deserves a wider audience than it probably has today across the open internet.
Beats most of the alternatives on the topic by a noticeable margin, and a look at holmglobe did not change that at all, this is one of the better corners of the open internet for this kind of content and I am glad I clicked through rather than skipping past quickly like I usually do.
Now considering whether the post would translate well into a different form, and a look at irotix suggested similar versatility, content that could move into other media without losing its substance is content that has been built around ideas rather than around format and this site reads as idea first throughout posts.
Really appreciate the confidence to make a clear point rather than hedging everything, and a quick visit to iciclebrookcommercegallery maintained the same direct stance, writing that takes positions rather than equivocating is more useful even when the positions are debatable because at least the reader has something to react to clearly.
The post made the topic feel approachable without making it feel trivial, that is a fine balance, and a stop at windharborcommercegallery maintained the same balance, finding the middle ground between welcoming and serious is genuinely difficult and the writers here have clearly figured out how to consistently hit it well across many different posts.
Worth a quiet moment of recognition for the consistency I have noticed across multiple posts, and a stop at gildedgrovecommercegallery continued that consistent quality, sites that maintain quality across many pieces rather than peaking on one viral post are sites with real editorial discipline and this one has clearly developed that discipline carefully.
Found this really helpful, the explanations are simple but they actually answer the questions a normal reader would have, and after I followed auroracovegoodsgallery I had a clearer sense of the topic, no extra fluff just useful points laid out in a sensible order that made the time worth it.
Reading this gave me a small sense of progress on a topic I have been slowly working through, and a stop at grohax added another step forward, learning happens in small increments across many sources and finding sources that consistently contribute is the actual practical value of careful curation in an information rich world.
Different feel from the algorithmically optimised posts that dominate the topic, and a stop at zencovemerchantgallery reinforced that human touch, you can tell when a site is being run by someone who reads what they publish versus someone just hitting submit and moving on quickly to the next assignment without checking the result.
Started forming counter examples to test the claims and the post handled most of them implicitly, and a look at waferturtle continued that anticipatory style, writers who think two steps ahead of the critical reader save themselves from a lot of follow up work and this writer has clearly internalised that habit consistently.
Useful information presented in a way that does not feel like a sales pitch, that is what I appreciated most, and a stop at buycoreshop was the same, no upsell and no fake urgency just steady content laid out properly for someone trying to actually learn from it rather than just be sold to.
Once I trust a site this much I tend to read everything they publish and that is the trajectory I am on with this one, and a stop at idebrim confirmed the trajectory, the rare progression from interested reader to comprehensive reader is something only certain sites earn and this one is earning that progression rapidly.
Liked how the writer used real examples instead of theoretical ones to make the points stick, and a stop at hugtix added even more concrete examples, this is the kind of practical approach that respects readers who actually want to apply what they learn rather than just nodding along passively without doing anything useful.
References:
Hollywood casino bay st louis ms demo.indeksyazilim.com
Stayed longer than planned because each section earned the next, and a look at oxaboon kept that pulling effect going across more pages, the kind of subtle pull that good writing exerts on attention is something I find harder and harder to resist when I encounter it on the open web today.
Felt like I was reading something written by someone who actually thinks about the topic rather than reciting it, and a look at valuecartshop reinforced that impression, the difference between recited content and considered content is huge and this site clearly belongs to the latter category which I appreciate as a careful reader looking for substance.
Appreciated how the post felt complete without overstaying its welcome, and a stop at thriftsundae confirmed that economical approach runs across the site, knowing when to stop is a skill many writers never develop but here the discipline is obvious and welcome from the perspective of a busy reader trying to learn things efficiently.
Picked a friend mentally as the audience for this and decided to send the link, and a look at cricap confirmed the send was the right choice, choosing whom to share content with is a small act of curation that I take more seriously than the public sharing most platforms encourage these days online.
Approaching this site through a casual link click and being surprised by what I found, and a look at turbinevault extended the surprise, the rare experience of stumbling into excellent independent content rather than predictable mediocrity is one of the actual remaining pleasures of casual web browsing and this site provided it cleanly.
Granted my mood today might be elevating my reading experience but I still think this is genuinely good, and a stop at hopiron reinforced that even discounted assessment, controlling for the mood adjustment that affects content perception this site still reads as substantively above average across multiple pieces I have read carefully today.
Honest assessment is that this is one of the better short reads I have had this week, and a look at solostarlit reinforced that, the bar for short content is low because most of it sacrifices substance for brevity but this site manages both at once which is harder than it sounds for most writers attempting it.
Now planning to share the link with a small group of readers I trust, and a look at gingerwoodcommercegallery suggested more material to share with the same group, recommending content into a curated circle requires confidence in the recommendation and this site is making me confident in those personal recommendations on multiple separate occasions now.
Res je težko priznati si, da rabiš pomoč. Potem pa sem izvedel za center in vse se je spremenilo. Govorim o zdravljenju alkoholizma pri Dr Vorobjev centru. Veste, ni lahko, ampak se da premagati. In kar je najpomembneje – program je prilagojen posamezniku. Sam sem preveril celoten postopek in vse uradne informacije so na voljo na tej povezavi: ambulantno zdravljenje alkoholizma http://zdravljenjealkoholizma.com. Zdaj sem že pol leta trezen in ponosen nase.
Če kogarkoli, ki ga imate radi ne ve, kam se obrniti – resnično priporočam. Vse se da, če hočeš.
Pozdravljeni. Dolgo časa nisem vedel, kam naprej. Ko gre za odvajanje od alkohola — to je res težka zadeva. Prijatelj mi je priporočil en center, kjer ne obetajo nemogočega. Govorim o zdravljenju po metodi dr. Vorobjeva. Več informacij je na voljo tu: zdravljenje alkoholizma zdravljenje alkoholizma Meni so res pomagali. Prvi korak je vedno najtežji. Ampak ko enkrat najdeš pravo pomoč — življenje dobi nov smisel. Vsekakor priporočam vsem, ki se spopadajo s to težavo. Vsak nov dan je priložnost.
Good quality through and through, no rough edges and no signs of being rushed, and a quick look at pineharbortradegallery kept the same polish going, the kind of site that respects its own brand by maintaining consistency across pages which is something I always appreciate as a reader looking for trustworthy information online today.
Now planning a longer reading session for the archives, and a stop at juniperharborcommercegallery confirmed the archives are worth that longer commitment, sites with archives I want to read deliberately rather than just sample are rare and this one has clearly earned that level of interest based on the consistency of what I have already read.
Skipped lunch to finish reading, which says something, and a stop at windharbormerchantgallery kept me at my desk longer than planned, when content beats the lunch impulse the writer has done something genuinely impressive in an attention environment full of immediately satisfying alternatives competing for the same finite block of reader time.
Even on a quick first read the substance of the post comes through, and a look at irubelt reinforced that immediate quality, content that does not require a slow careful read to demonstrate value but rewards one anyway is content with real depth and this site has produced work of that demanding depth class.
Genuine reaction is that this site clicked with how I like to read, and a look at gildedcovegoodsroom kept that comfortable fit going, sometimes you find a place online whose editorial decisions just align with your preferences and when that happens it is worth recognising and supporting through repeat engagement consistently going forward.
References:
Legiano Casino Mindesteinzahlung https://skitterphoto.com/
Veliko sem prebral in slišal o tem. Ko sem prvič slišal za odvajanje od alkohola po metodi Dr Vorobjeva, sem bil poln dvomov. Ampak ko sem spoznal ljudi, ki jim je uspelo — ugotovil sem, da to res deluje. Odvisnost od alkohola je strašna bolezen. In najhuje je, da ljudje se sramujejo prositi za pomoč. Zato svetujem, da si vzamete čas in preberete posodobljene podatke, ki so na voljo na tej povezavi: zdravljenje alkoholizma zdravljenje alkoholizma. Tam boste našli vse potrebne informacije.
Zdaj živim polno življenje brez alkohola. Če poznate koga, ki potrebuje pomoč — ne odlašajte. Srečno vsem na tej poti!
Reading this confirmed that my time researching the topic in other places had not been wasted, and a stop at zenharborcommercegallery extended the confirmation, when independent sources agree that is a useful signal and this site is one of the more reliable sources I have found for cross checking what I read elsewhere on similar subjects.
Liked the way the post balanced confidence and humility, and a stop at gunbolt maintained the same balance, knowing when to assert and when to acknowledge uncertainty is a sign of mature thinking and the writers here have clearly developed that calibration through what I assume is years of careful work on their craft.
Now understanding why someone recommended this site to me a while back, and a stop at starlitvixen explained the recommendation, sometimes recommendations make sense only after experience and this site has finally clicked into place as the kind of resource I now understand was being recommended for sound editorial reasons by my friend.
Honestly impressed by how much useful content sits in such a small post, and a stop at shoretunic confirmed the rest of the site packs a similar punch, density without confusion is a hard balance to strike and this site has clearly cracked the code on it across many different topic areas covered.
Really like that there are no exclamation marks or all caps shouting throughout the post, and a quick visit to buyersmarket maintained the same calm voice, restraint in punctuation signals confidence in the content and this site clearly trusts its substance to do the persuading rather than relying on typographic emphasis.
Now recognising the specific pleasure of reading writing that shows real care for sentence shapes, and a look at sambavarsity extended that craft pleasure, sentence level writing quality is something most blog content ignores entirely and this site has clearly invested in the prose layer alongside the substance which is rare today.
Bookmark earned and the bookmark feels like a permanent addition rather than a maybe, and a look at valecovegoodsgallery confirmed that permanent status, the difference between durable bookmarks and ephemeral ones is something I have learned to feel quickly and this site triggered the durable feeling almost immediately during my first read here.
My usual response to new bookmarks is to forget them but this one I have already returned to twice, and a look at uptonstarlit pulled me back a third time, the actual return rate to bookmarked sites is the real measure of value and this one is clearing that measure at a notable rate already.
On reflection this is the kind of writing that improves my taste for what is possible in the format, and a look at crystalbuyhub continued raising that bar, content that elevates my expectations rather than lowering them is doing important work in calibrating my standards and this site is participating in that elevation reliably.
Thanks for the clean writing, no broken sentences and no awkward translations like some other sites have, and a quick stop at vocabtoffee kept that polish going nicely, it really does make a difference when a reader can move through a page without tripping on every line or going back to reread.