どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。
あ、Youtubeも見てね！
「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
（↑つまりドライアイ）
今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。
恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる
とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。
いやいやいや！
あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと？
んなわけあるかい！って。
取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。
もっとシンプルでいいのに。
「他の人との違いは何か？」
これでいいじゃん。
たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。
僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー！って思う。
でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
なんでか？
これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。
「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない＝自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。
自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。
だけど、
好きになってもらえない＝価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。
だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。
そういう保険だ。
いやいやいや！
無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ！
（↑なに言ってんだコイツ）
何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない＝価値がない」
の思い込みが違うんだよ。
「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。
恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。
”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。
それは間違いない。
取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。
・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い
こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。
これを忘れずにいこう。
「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。
表現を換えれば・・・
あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。
ただ、それだけのこと。
ではでは！
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中！
コメント
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This actually answered the question I had been searching for, and after I checked focusdrivenclick I had a few more pieces I had not realised I needed, that is the sign of a site that knows what its readers want before they even know how to ask it which is impressive.
Just sat back at the end of the post and felt grateful that someone took the time to write it, and a look at mistyharborgoods extended that gratitude across more of the site, recognising effort behind quality work is part of what makes the open web a community rather than just a marketplace today.
Beyond the topic at hand this site reads as a small ongoing project of taking writing seriously, and a look at safeguardbond reinforced that project quality, sites that treat publishing as an ongoing serious practice rather than as content production for traffic are sites worth supporting and this one has clearly chosen the serious approach.
Quality work here, the post reads cleanly and the points stay focused throughout, and a stop at cloudberrymarket kept the standard high, you can tell the writer cares about the final result rather than just hitting publish for the sake of having something new on the page to feed the search engines.
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Appreciated the way each section connected smoothly to the next without abrupt jumps, and a stop at monarchbond kept that flow going nicely, transitions are something most blog writers ignore but the difference is huge for the reader who is trying to follow a sustained line of thought today across many different topics.
Reading this gave me a small framework I expect to use going forward, and a stop at lifelinebond extended that framework, content that produces transferable mental models rather than just specific facts is content with multiplicative value and this site is providing those models at a rate that justifies extra attention from me regularly.
Беттеры, отзовитесь кто откуда. То вообще доступ к аккаунту без причин закрывают, Нервов потратил на этих конторах — мама не горюй до тех пор, не нашел наконец толковую рабочую платформу, с отличной линией на все popularные спортивные события. Техподдержка в лайв-чате отвечает сразу по делу,
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Genuine pleasure to read, and that is not something I say often after a casual click through, and a quick visit to brassquartzoutlet kept the same feeling going across the rest of the site, finding writing that actually feels good to spend time with rather than just functional is increasingly rare on the open web.
Now planning to share the link with a small group of readers I trust, and a look at unitycapitalhub suggested more material to share with the same group, recommending content into a curated circle requires confidence in the recommendation and this site is making me confident in those personal recommendations on multiple separate occasions now.
Just want to flag that this was useful and not bury the appreciation in caveats, and a look at amberfieldcollective earned the same direct praise, recognising good work without hedging it with criticism is something I try to practice because over qualified compliments tend to read as backhanded and miss the point sometimes.
Took a screenshot of one section to come back to later, and a stop at mutualharbor prompted another saved tab, the urge to capture and revisit specific pieces of content is something I rarely feel but when I do it tells me the work is worth more than the average passing read for sure.
Picked this for a morning recommendation in our company chat, and a look at faithfulbond suggested I will mention this site again later, recommending content into a workplace context is a small editorial act that requires confidence in the recommendation and this site is making me confident in those recommendations consistently here too.
Worth flagging that the post handled an angle of the topic I had not seen elsewhere, and a look at capitalnexus extended that fresh treatment, content that finds underexplored corners of well covered subjects is genuinely valuable and this site has demonstrated that exploratory editorial approach across multiple pieces in my reading sessions today.
Skipped the comments to avoid spoilers and came back later to find them genuinely worth reading, and a stop at clickpathway extended that surprised respect, when the discussion below a post matches the quality of the post itself you have found something special and this site appears to attract that kind of audience.
Skipped breakfast still reading this and finished hungry but satisfied, and a stop at larkspurcollective kept me past breakfast time, content that displaces basic biological needs is content with serious attentional pull and the writers here are clearly capable of producing that level of engagement which is genuinely impressive these days.
This one is staying open in a tab for the rest of the day so I can come back and re read certain parts, and a look at equityanchor suggests I will be doing the same with a few more pages here too, this is going to be a deep dive over the coming hours.
Worth saying that the post fit naturally into a rhythm of careful reading, and a stop at ironcladbond extended the same rhythm, content that pairs well with how I actually read rather than demanding a different mode is content well calibrated to its likely audience and this site has clearly thought about that consistently.
Decided to set a calendar reminder to revisit, and a stop at globalbuyingmarket extended that revisit list, calendar entries for content are a level of commitment I rarely make but when I do they signal a higher regard than a simple bookmark and this site has earned that calendar tier of relationship from me today.
Now appreciating the small but real way this post improved my afternoon, and a stop at suncrestforge extended that small improvement effect, content that produces measurable positive impact on the texture of a reading day is content with real value and this site is producing those small positive impacts at a sustainable rate apparently.
Now appreciating that the post left me with enough to say in a follow up conversation, and a look at highcoastmarket added more material for those follow ups, content that prepares me for related conversations rather than just informing me alone is content with social utility and this site provides that social armament reliably for me.
Once I trust a site this much I tend to read everything they publish and that is the trajectory I am on with this one, and a stop at bondedframework confirmed the trajectory, the rare progression from interested reader to comprehensive reader is something only certain sites earn and this one is earning that progression rapidly.
Found the writing surprisingly fresh for what is by now a well covered topic, and a stop at crazechip kept that freshness going across the related pages, original perspective on familiar ground is hard to come by and this site has clearly earned its place in the conversation rather than just rehashing old ideas.
Now noticing that the post benefited from being neither too short nor too long for its content, and a look at goldbranchoutlet continued that calibration of length, sites that match length to content rather than padding to hit some target are sites that respect both their material and their readers and this site does both.
Worth a slow read rather than the fast scan I usually default to, and a look at pactline earned the same slower pace from me, content that resets my reading speed downward is content with substance worth absorbing and this site has produced that effect on me multiple times now over the last week here.
Really appreciate the lack of pop ups, modals, cookie banners stacking on top of each other, and a quick visit to ashenwillowstore confirmed the same clean approach across the rest of the site, technical decisions about user experience are part of what makes content actually pleasant to engage with for sure.
Once you find a site like this the search for similar voices begins, and a look at resilientbond extended the search energy, finding a high quality reference point makes the gap between it and adjacent sources visible in a way it was not before and this site has provided that high reference point across multiple recent visits.
Skipped the TLDR thinking I would read everything anyway, and ended up enjoying the path through the full post, and a stop at centralbonding similarly rewarded the patient read, summaries are useful but the journey through good writing is part of what makes the destination feel earned rather than just delivered cleanly.
Came across this and immediately thought of a friend who would enjoy it, and a stop at mainlinebond also reminded me of someone, content that triggers the urge to share is content that has earned my recommendation and this site has earned multiple from me already across different conversations during the week.
Found something quietly useful here that I expect to return to, and a stop at trustalignment added more of the same, content with quiet utility ages well in a way that flashy hot takes do not and I have learned to weight quiet utility much higher when deciding what to bookmark for later use.
Decided to subscribe to the RSS feed if there is one, and a stop at bondcentra confirmed that decision, content that I want delivered to me proactively rather than just remembered when I have time is content that has earned a higher level of commitment from me as a reader looking for reliable sources.
Really appreciate the absence of stock photos that have nothing to do with the content, and a quick visit to signaltoaction maintained the same restraint, visual filler is a tell that the writing cannot stand on its own and the lack of it here suggests the team has confidence in their content quality alone.
The structure of the post made it easy to follow without losing track of where I was, and a look at verifiablebond kept the same logical flow going, this site clearly understands that organisation is half the battle in keeping readers engaged from the first line to the last across any kind of post.
Better than the average post on this subject by some distance, and a look at bondlegacy reinforced that, you can tell within the first paragraph that the writer here actually cares about the topic rather than just covering it for the sake of having something to publish that week or that day.
Nice and clean, that is the best way to describe the writing here, no clutter and no wasted words, and a quick visit to goldenloammarket kept that going, I appreciate when a site treats its readers like people who can think for themselves without needing constant hand holding through every paragraph.
A piece that respected the reader by not over explaining the obvious, and a look at northquillmarket continued that calibrated approach, finding the right level of explanation is one of the harder editorial calls and this site has clearly thought carefully about what readers will already know versus what they need help with consistently.
During a reading session that included several other sources this one stood out, and a look at goldmarkbond continued the standout quality, the side by side comparison of sources during research is a useful exercise and this site has been winning those comparisons for me consistently across multiple research sessions during the last week.
Even just sampling a few posts the consistency is what stands out, and a look at moonpetalcollective confirmed the broader pattern, sites where every piece I sample lives up to the standard set by the others are sites with serious quality control and this one has clearly invested in whatever editorial process produces that consistency reliably.
Reading this on a phone at a coffee shop and finding it perfectly suited to that context, and a stop at reliantbond continued the comfortable mobile experience, content that works across reading conditions without compromising on substance is increasingly important and this site has clearly thought about the whole reader experience here.
Strong recommendation from me, anyone curious about the topic should make time for this, and a look at pinnaclebond only sharpens that recommendation further, the kind of resource that holds up against careful scrutiny rather than crumbling at the first critical question is rare and worth pointing other people toward when the topic comes up.
The use of plain language without dumbing down the topic was really well done, and a look at wildferncollective continued in that same accessible style, this is something many technical writers fail at because they either confuse their readers or condescend to them but here neither problem appears at all which is impressive really.
Without comparing too aggressively to other sources this one stands out for the right reasons, and a look at securebuyingstore continued that distinctive quality, content that distinguishes itself through substance rather than style tricks is content with lasting differentiation and this site has clearly chosen substance based differentiation as its core editorial strategy.
Found this through a friend who recommended it and now I see why, and a look at morningharvest only strengthened that recommendation in my own mind, word of mouth still works for content that actually delivers and this site is clearly earning recommendations the old fashioned way through quality rather than marketing.
Looking for similar voices elsewhere has come up empty in my recent searches, and a stop at trustedshoppingzone extended the search frustration, the rare site that does what no other does in quite the same way is precious and this one has clearly developed a particular approach that I have not been able to find duplicates of.
Glad I gave this a chance rather than scrolling past, and a stop at northfieldcraft confirmed I made the right call, sometimes the best content is hidden behind unassuming headlines that do not scream for attention and learning to slow down and check those out has paid off many times now across years of reading.
The structure of the post made it easy to follow without losing track of where I was, and a look at clickroute kept the same logical flow going, this site clearly understands that organisation is half the battle in keeping readers engaged from the first line to the last across any kind of post.
A thoughtful piece that did not strain to be thoughtful, and a look at crazecocoa continued that effortless quality, when thinking shows up in writing without the writer drawing attention to it you know you are reading something genuinely considered rather than something performing the appearance of consideration which is also common online.
If I had to defend the time I spend reading independent blogs this site would feature in the defence, and a look at riverquartzstore reinforced that defensive utility, the ongoing case for non algorithmic reading is one I make to myself periodically and sites like this one provide the actual evidence that supports the case clearly.
Came away with a slightly better mental model of the topic than I started with, and a stop at surefootbond sharpened that further, content that improves the reader thinking apparatus rather than just dumping facts into it is the rare kind I genuinely value and seek out when I have time to read carefully.