どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。
あ、Youtubeも見てね！
「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
（↑つまりドライアイ）
今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。
恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる
とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。
いやいやいや！
あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと？
んなわけあるかい！って。
取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。
もっとシンプルでいいのに。
「他の人との違いは何か？」
これでいいじゃん。
たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。
僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー！って思う。
でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
なんでか？
これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。
「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない＝自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。
自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。
だけど、
好きになってもらえない＝価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。
だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。
そういう保険だ。
いやいやいや！
無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ！
（↑なに言ってんだコイツ）
何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない＝価値がない」
の思い込みが違うんだよ。
「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。
恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。
”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。
それは間違いない。
取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。
・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い
こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。
これを忘れずにいこう。
「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。
表現を換えれば・・・
あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。
ただ、それだけのこと。
ではでは！
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中！
コメント
Really appreciate the confidence to make a clear point rather than hedging everything, and a quick visit to businesspower maintained the same direct stance, writing that takes positions rather than equivocating is more useful even when the positions are debatable because at least the reader has something to react to clearly.
Decided not to comment because the post said what needed saying, and a stop at windstonecollective continued that complete feel, content that does not invite obvious additions or corrections from readers is content that has been carefully considered and this site appears to consistently produce pieces that satisfy rather than provoke unnecessary follow ups.
Skipped a meeting reminder to finish the post, and a stop at linenwild held me past another reminder, when content beats meetings the writer is doing something extraordinary because meetings have institutional support behind them and yet good writing can still occasionally win that competition for attention which I find heartening today.
Pass this along to colleagues if the topic comes up, the framing here is sensible, and a stop at bloomcraftmarket adds more useful angles to share, the kind of content that improves conversations rather than just feeding them is what makes a resource genuinely valuable in professional contexts going forward over time and across project boundaries too.
Will be passing this along to a few people who would benefit from the perspective shared here, and a stop at ironhollowboutique only added to what I will be sharing, this kind of generous content deserves to circulate widely rather than getting buried in some search engine algorithm tweak that pushes it down the rankings.
The tone stayed consistent across the whole post which is harder than it looks for longer pieces, and a look at principlebond continued the same voice, this kind of editorial consistency is a sign of either a single careful writer or a tightly run team and either is impressive today across the broader media environment.
Felt the post handled a sensitive angle of the topic with appropriate care, and a look at legacyalloy extended that careful handling across related material, sites that can navigate delicate territory without causing damage are rare and require a level of judgement that comes from experience rather than from following any clear playbook.
Came in expecting another generic take and got something with actual character instead, and a look at anchorbonding carried that personality forward, finding a distinct voice on a saturated topic is impressive and worth pointing out when it happens because most sites end up sounding identical to their nearest competitors quickly.
Honestly enjoyed not being sold anything for the entire duration of the post, and a look at coretrustlink kept that pleasant absence going across more pages, content that exists for its own sake rather than as a funnel to a paid product is increasingly rare and worth supporting where I can find it.
Found the rhythm of the prose particularly enjoyable on this read through, and a look at infinitebond kept that musical quality going across the related pages, sentence rhythm is something most blog writers ignore but it makes a real difference in how content lands with the careful reader who cares.
Quietly impressive in a way that does not announce itself, and a stop at ironwavecollective extended that quiet impressiveness, the kind of quality that emerges through sustained attention rather than first impressions is the kind I trust more deeply and this site has been earning that deeper trust across multiple sessions over time consistently.
A piece that handled the topic with appropriate weight without becoming portentous, and a look at keystonevector continued that calibrated seriousness, content that takes itself seriously without becoming pompous is something this site has clearly figured out and the balance shows up in every piece I have read across multiple sessions now.
Now noticing that the post benefited from being neither too short nor too long for its content, and a look at eveningtideboutique continued that calibration of length, sites that match length to content rather than padding to hit some target are sites that respect both their material and their readers and this site does both.
Worth pointing out the careful word choice in this post, no buzzwords and no jargon, and a look at dynabond continued that disciplined vocabulary, sites that resist the pull of trendy language are sites that will read well in five years and this one is clearly built for that kind of long durability.
Worth pointing out that the writer made the topic feel more interesting than I had been expecting, and a look at surepathbond continued that elevation effect, content that improves the apparent quality of its subject through skilled treatment is doing something real and this site has clearly developed that kind of editorial alchemy throughout.
Once you find a site like this the search for similar voices begins, and a look at progressmoveswithclarity extended the search energy, finding a high quality reference point makes the gap between it and adjacent sources visible in a way it was not before and this site has provided that high reference point across multiple recent visits.
Worth observing that the post landed without needing a flashy headline to hook attention, and a stop at ideasflowintoaction did the same, content that earns engagement through substance rather than packaging is the kind I trust more deeply and this site has clearly chosen substance as the primary lever for reader engagement throughout.
Adding this site to my regular reading list, the post earned that on its own, and a quick stop at signalbuildsdirection sealed the decision, the kind of place worth checking back with from time to time because it consistently produces material that holds up against a critical reading too which I really value.
Speaking from the perspective of having read widely on the topic this site offers something distinct, and a look at enduringlink reinforced that distinctness, the rare site that contributes something genuinely original to a saturated topic is the rare site worth following carefully and this one has demonstrated that original contribution capability today.
Reading this in three sittings because the day was fragmented, and the piece survived the fragmentation, and a stop at unitybondnetwork held up under similar reading conditions, content engineered for continuous attention is fragile in modern conditions and this site reads as durable across the realistic ways people consume content today.
Refreshing change from the usual sites covering this topic, no clickbait and no padding, and a stop at dependablebond confirmed the difference, this place clearly has its own voice rather than copying the formulas everyone else uses to chase clicks online which is becoming increasingly rare these days across nearly every popular subject.
Found the rhythm of the prose particularly enjoyable on this read through, and a look at directionbuildsflow kept that musical quality going across the related pages, sentence rhythm is something most blog writers ignore but it makes a real difference in how content lands with the careful reader who cares.
Worth saying this site reads better than most paid newsletters I have tried, and a stop at urbanwave confirmed that comparison, the bar for free content is often lower than for paid but this site clears the paid bar consistently and that says something about the editorial approach behind the work being published here regularly.
Useful information presented in a way that does not feel like a sales pitch, that is what I appreciated most, and a stop at bondedvisiongroup was the same, no upsell and no fake urgency just steady content laid out properly for someone trying to actually learn from it rather than just be sold to.
Found the section structure particularly thoughtful, and a stop at meritanchor suggested the same care across the broader site, structural choices guide the reader through the material in ways most people do not consciously notice but feel the absence of when those choices are made carelessly or not at all.
Worth pointing out that the writer made the topic feel more interesting than I had been expecting, and a look at covecanal continued that elevation effect, content that improves the apparent quality of its subject through skilled treatment is doing something real and this site has clearly developed that kind of editorial alchemy throughout.
Reading this between two meetings turned out to be the highlight of the morning, and a stop at northernpetalstore continued that highlight quality, content that outshines the structured parts of a working day is doing something well beyond ordinary and this site has produced multiple such highlights for me already this week alone.
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Reading this in the morning set a good tone for the day, and a quick visit to inkedmeadow kept that good tone going, content can do that sometimes when it hits the right notes and finding sites that consistently strike that tone is something I have learned to recognise and reward with regular visits.
Now wondering how the writers calibrated the level of detail so well, and a stop at securecapitalbond continued the same calibration, the right level of detail is one of the harder editorial calls in any piece and this site has clearly developed an instinct for it through what I assume is years of careful practice publicly.
Refreshing to find writing that does not try to manipulate the reader into clicking onto the next page through cliffhangers and forced engagement, and a stop at crossroadbond continued in the same respectful way, this is what reader first design actually looks like in practice rather than just in marketing copy that sounds nice.
Highly recommend to anyone looking for a sensible take on this topic without the usual marketing nonsense, and a look at midnightquarry kept that grounded approach going, sites that stay focused on serving readers rather than monetising every click are rare and this is clearly one of those rare ones I really appreciate finding.
Reading this gave me a small sense of progress on a topic I have been slowly working through, and a stop at covenantbond added another step forward, learning happens in small increments across many sources and finding sources that consistently contribute is the actual practical value of careful curation in an information rich world.
Reading this prompted a small note in my reference file, and a stop at wildgrainemporium prompted another, the rare site that contributes useful nuggets to my own working knowledge rather than just consuming my attention is worth the time investment many times over compared to the usual pile of forgettable scroll content.
In the middle of an otherwise scattered day this post landed as a moment of focus, and a stop at wildirisgoods extended that focused feeling across more pages, content that anchors a fragmented day rather than contributing to the fragmentation is content with real centring effect and this site is providing that anchoring function for me.
Now feeling the rare pleasure of trusting a source completely on first encounter, and a look at bluepeaklane extended that initial trust into something more durable, the calibration of trust to evidence is something I do informally and this site has earned high trust through the cumulative weight of multiple consistently good posts already.
A clean piece that knew exactly what it wanted to say and said it, and a look at moonfallmarket maintained the same clarity of intention, knowing the goal of a piece before writing is something most blog content lacks and the clarity of purpose here shows up in every paragraph for any careful reader to notice.
Quietly enjoying that I have found a new site to follow for the topic, and a look at horizonstone reinforced the small pleasure of the find, the discovery of new high quality sources is one of the more durable pleasures of careful internet reading and this site has been generating that discovery pleasure at multiple points already today.
Quietly enjoying that I have found a new site to follow for the topic, and a look at growthforward reinforced the small pleasure of the find, the discovery of new high quality sources is one of the more durable pleasures of careful internet reading and this site has been generating that discovery pleasure at multiple points already today.
Skipped the TLDR thinking I would read everything anyway, and ended up enjoying the path through the full post, and a stop at silkroadfinds similarly rewarded the patient read, summaries are useful but the journey through good writing is part of what makes the destination feel earned rather than just delivered cleanly.
Started reading expecting to disagree and ended mostly nodding along, and a look at legacyvector continued the pattern, content that wins agreement through evidence and reasoning rather than rhetorical force is the kind that actually shifts minds and this site clearly knows how to do that across what I have read so far.
Genuinely changed how I think about a small piece of the topic, which does not happen often online, and a look at summittrustline added another nudge in the same direction, the kind of writing that earns a small mental shift rather than just confirming what you already thought before reading is a sign of careful thought.
Closed it feeling I had taken something away rather than just consumed something, and a stop at dependablecapital extended that taking away feeling, the difference between content I extract value from and content I just pass through is something I track informally and this site is consistently in the value extraction column for me.
Liked everything about the experience, from the opening through to the closing notes, and a stop at veritascapital extended that into more pages, finding a site where the editorial vision shows through every choice rather than feeling random is an increasingly rare experience and one I am glad to have today during this particular reading session.
Worth recommending broadly to anyone who reads on the topic, and a look at bondedpartners only confirms that, the rare combination of accessibility and depth in this site makes it suitable for both newcomers and people who already know the area which is hard to pull off in any blog format today and rarely managed.
Useful reading material, the kind I can hand off to someone newer to the topic without worrying about confusing them, and a quick look at bondedwaypoint confirmed the same beginner friendly tone runs throughout the site which is great for sharing with people just starting their learning journey on this particular topic.
Thanks for the simple approach, too many sites bury the actual point under layers of unnecessary words, but here every line earns its place, and a look at forwardtractionbuilt showed the same care for the reader which is something I will remember the next time I need answers on a topic.
Thanks for putting in the work to make this approachable, plenty of sites cover the same ground but most do it badly, and a quick visit to craterbase confirmed this one stands apart, simple language and useful examples without anyone trying to sell me anything along the way which I really appreciated.
Reading this brought back the satisfaction I used to get from blogs ten years ago, and a stop at actionfuelsmomentum kept that nostalgic quality alive, sites that capture what was good about an earlier era of internet writing are increasingly precious and this one is doing that without feeling like a deliberate throwback at all.
The depth of coverage felt about right for the format, neither shallow nor overwhelming, and a look at driftpineemporium kept that calibration going, getting the depth right for blog format is genuinely difficult because too shallow loses experts and too deep loses beginners but this site nailed it nicely which I really do appreciate.