どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。
あ、Youtubeも見てね！
「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
（↑つまりドライアイ）
今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。
恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる
とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。
いやいやいや！
あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと？
んなわけあるかい！って。
取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。
もっとシンプルでいいのに。
「他の人との違いは何か？」
これでいいじゃん。
たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。
僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー！って思う。
でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
なんでか？
これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。
「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない＝自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。
自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。
だけど、
好きになってもらえない＝価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。
だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。
そういう保険だ。
いやいやいや！
無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ！
（↑なに言ってんだコイツ）
何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない＝価値がない」
の思い込みが違うんだよ。
「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。
恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。
”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。
それは間違いない。
取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。
・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い
こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。
これを忘れずにいこう。
「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。
表現を換えれば・・・
あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。
ただ、それだけのこと。
ではでは！
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中！
コメント
Picked up a couple of new ideas here that I can actually try out, and after my visit to saltvinca I have even more notes saved, this is the kind of resource that pays you back for the time you spend on it which is rare to come across in this corner of the web.
Now planning to come back when I have the right kind of attention to read carefully, and a stop at quickbuyershub reinforced that plan, choosing the right moment to read certain content is a quiet form of respect for the work and this site is generating those careful planning behaviours from me consistently as a reader.
Over the course of reading several posts here a pattern of quality has emerged, and a stop at infinitygoodscorner confirmed the pattern, the difference between sites that hit quality occasionally and sites that hit it consistently is huge and this site has clearly demonstrated the consistent kind through what I have read this morning.
Honestly enjoyed every minute spent here, that is not something I say lightly, and a look at maplegrovecommercegallery confirmed I will be back, the bar for spending time online is high for me these days but this site clears it without effort which is high praise indeed from this reader who is usually rather demanding.
Народ, ситуация жуткая когда — человек уже пятый день под завязку. Соседи звонят в дверь. В диспансер тащить страшно — посадят на учёт. У меня брат так чуть не загнулся. Короче, проверенный способ — профессиональное выведение из запоя капельницей. Откачали и спать уложили. В общем, жмите чтобы не потерять — вывод из запоя на дому цена https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-voronezh-jhg.ru Не тяните резину. Деньги потом не нужны будут. Перешлите тому кто в беде.
Skipped past the first paragraph thinking it was setup and had to come back when the rest referenced it, and a stop at flintcovecommerceatelier similarly rewarded careful reading from the start, content where every paragraph carries weight is content I now know to read from the beginning rather than skipping ahead.
Thanks for keeping things clear and to the point, that is honestly hard to find online these days, and after reading through jebbrood the message stayed consistent which makes me trust the information being shared more than I usually do on similar pages that cover this same kind of topic.
Started taking notes about halfway through because the points were stacking up, and a look at cobblebuckle added enough material that my notes file grew further, content that demands note taking from a passive reader is content with substance and the writers here are clearly producing that kind of work consistently across topics.
Highly recommend to anyone looking for a sensible take on this topic without the usual marketing nonsense, and a look at jifaero kept that grounded approach going, sites that stay focused on serving readers rather than monetising every click are rare and this is clearly one of those rare ones I really appreciate finding.
Found the writing surprisingly fresh for what is by now a well covered topic, and a stop at citrinefjord kept that freshness going across the related pages, original perspective on familiar ground is hard to come by and this site has clearly earned its place in the conversation rather than just rehashing old ideas.
Обновления по теме: https://chayblog.ru
Today’s Most Important: Map of Iran
Блин народ, столкнулись с жестью. Родственник просто пропадает. Нервов уже ни у кого нет. Скорая не приезжает. Короче, единственное что реально помогло — качественный вывод из запоя на дому. Поставили систему. В общем, там контакты и прайс — вывод из запоя на дому вывод из запоя на дому Не тяните резину. Перешлите другу.
Found the use of subheadings really helpful for scanning back through the post later, and a stop at rosecovemerchantgallery kept that reader friendly approach going, navigation is something many blog writers ignore but small structural choices make a noticeable difference for someone returning to find a specific point again days or weeks later.
Слушайте, бывает же такое горе. Близкий уже неделю не просыхает. Думал уже всё. Участковый только руками разводит. Короче, только это и работает — адекватный вывод из запоя цены приемлемые. Поставили систему. В общем, там и контакты и прайс — вывод из запоя с выездом вывод из запоя с выездом Не тяните. Скиньте кому надо.
Reading this slowly in the morning before opening email, and a stop at jemido extended that protected attention, content that earns the prime morning reading slot before the daily distractions begin is content with elevated status and this site has earned that prime slot consistently in my recent reading habits clearly.
Worth pointing out that the writer made the topic feel more interesting than I had been expecting, and a look at sauntersonar continued that elevation effect, content that improves the apparent quality of its subject through skilled treatment is doing something real and this site has clearly developed that kind of editorial alchemy throughout.
Reading this in the time it took to drink half a cup of coffee, and a stop at allthingsstore fit naturally into the second half, content that respects the rhythms of a typical morning is content with practical fit and this site has the kind of length and pacing that works for the way I actually read.
Reading this on a long flight and finding it the best thing I read across hours of trying, and a stop at shopflowcenter kept the streak going, when content beats long flight reading you know it has substance because flight reading is a hard test of a piece given the alternatives available everywhere.
Well done, the writing is professional without being stiff, and the topic is treated with care, and a look at bomkix reflected that approach, the kind of site I would point a colleague to if they asked for a reliable starting point on this topic in the future without any hesitation at all.
Now thinking about how this post will age over the coming years, and a stop at crystalcovecraftcollective suggested the same durability, content built to age well rather than to capture the attention of the moment is content with a different kind of value and this site has clearly chosen the long horizon over the short one.
Quietly the post solved something I had been turning over without quite knowing how to phrase the question, and a look at mintorchardcraftcollective extended that quiet solving, content that addresses unformulated needs is content with reader insight and this site has demonstrated that insight at a high rate across the pieces I have read recently.
A clean piece that knew exactly what it wanted to say and said it, and a look at humcamp maintained the same clarity of intention, knowing the goal of a piece before writing is something most blog content lacks and the clarity of purpose here shows up in every paragraph for any careful reader to notice.
Reading this back to back with a similar piece elsewhere made the quality difference obvious, and a stop at solidtruffle only widened the gap, comparing content side by side is a useful exercise and the gap between this site and average competitors in the space is large enough to be noticeable from the first paragraph.
Easy to recommend without reservations, the site delivers on every promise it implicitly makes, and a look at fibdot kept that same standard going, the kind of consistency that earns trust over time rather than chasing it through aggressive marketing is what I see here and it is appreciated greatly by this particular reader today.
Bookmark added with a small mental note that this is a site to keep, and a look at rainharborcraftcollective reinforced the keep status, the verb keep rather than visit captures something about how I think about this kind of site and it is a higher tier of relationship than I have with most places online today.
Самое полезное для вас: https://parfumabc.ru/parfum/renato-balestra/
Reading this confirmed that the topic deserves more careful attention than it usually gets, and a stop at floraridgemerchantgallery extended that elevated framing, content that raises the appropriate weight of a subject without being preachy about it is serving a quiet but important editorial function for the broader cultural conversation about it.
Now wondering how the writers calibrated the level of detail so well, and a stop at vaultscript continued the same calibration, the right level of detail is one of the harder editorial calls in any piece and this site has clearly developed an instinct for it through what I assume is years of careful practice publicly.
Yesterday I was complaining about the state of online writing and today this site has temporarily fixed that complaint, and a look at quickdealscorner extended that mood reversal, the short term mood improvement that comes from finding good content is real and this site has produced that improvement for me at a useful moment.
Nice to see a post that does not try to overcomplicate the basics for the sake of looking smart, and once I looked at meadowharbormerchantgallery the same direct tone was there too, which honestly makes a difference when you are short on time and want answers without long pointless intros.
Working through this site has been a small antidote to the shallow content that fills most of my reading time, and a stop at oliveorchardcraftcollective extended that antidote function, sites that quietly improve the average quality of my reading by being themselves are sites worth supporting through return visits and recommendations consistently.
Worth your time, that is the simplest endorsement I can give, and a stop at elfincinder extends that endorsement across the rest of the site, this is one of those increasingly rare places that delivers on what it promises rather than over selling the content and under delivering on substance every time which I find frustrating elsewhere.
Halfway through reading I knew this would be one to bookmark, and a look at tractsmoke confirmed that early intuition, when bookmark intent forms before finishing a post you know the writing has cleared a quality bar that most content fails to clear and this site has cleared it on multiple visits already.
Ребята, представляете кошмар — муж пьёт без остановки. Дети плачут. В диспансер тащить страшно — посадят на учёт. Я через это прошёл. Короче, врачи-спасатели настоящие — срочный вывод из запоя круглосуточно. Откачали и спать уложили. В общем, там контакты и прайс и условия — снятие запоя цена https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-voronezh-jhg.ru Не надейтесь на авось. Здоровье дороже. Перешлите тому кто в беде.
Народ кто сталкивался, ситуация просто аховая. Родственник просто пропадает. Нервов уже ни у кого нет. В бесплатную тащить страшно — поставят на учёт. Короче, врачи реально вытащили — профессиональная наркологическая клиника на выезде. Через час были. В общем, сохраняйте — вывод из запоя цены воронеж https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-voronezh-lnm.ru Не ждите. Сохраните себе.
However many similar pages I have read this one taught me something new, and a stop at infinitytrendzone added more new material, content that contributes genuinely fresh information rather than recycling what is already widely available is content with real informational value and this site is providing that informational freshness at a notable rate.
Now noticing how rare it is to find a site that does not feel rushed, and a look at alpinecovemerchantgallery extended that calm pace, content produced without time pressure has a different quality than content shipped to meet a deadline and this site reads as written without urgency which produces a different and better experience for readers.
Now feeling slightly more optimistic about the state of independent writing online, and a stop at jencap extended that quiet optimism, sites like this one are the reason I have not given up on the open web entirely and finding them occasionally renews the case for paying attention to non algorithmic content sources today.
Honest assessment is that this is one of the better short reads I have had this week, and a look at sageharbormerchantgallery reinforced that, the bar for short content is low because most of it sacrifices substance for brevity but this site manages both at once which is harder than it sounds for most writers attempting it.
Ребята, бывает же такое горе. Родственник пьет без остановки. Нервов ни у кого нет. Участковый только руками разводит. Короче, единственное что реально помогло — срочный вывод из запоя круглосуточно. Приехали. В общем, вся информация вот здесь — выведение из запоя выведение из запоя Не тяните. Сохраните себе.
Found a small mental shift after reading this, the framing here is just a bit different from the standard takes online, and a look at vectorswift extended that fresh perspective across more material, the rare site whose voice actually changes how you think about something rather than just confirming existing beliefs.
A piece that ended with a clean landing rather than fading out, and a look at forestbrooktradingfoundry maintained the same crisp conclusions, endings that resolve rather than dissolve are a sign of careful structural thinking and this site has clearly invested in how its pieces conclude rather than letting them simply run out of energy.
Generally I bookmark sparingly to avoid building up a bookmark graveyard but this one earned a permanent slot, and a stop at elmharborartisanexchange extended that permanence designation, the few sites I keep permanent bookmarks for are sites I expect to use repeatedly and this one has clearly cleared that expectation bar today.
Now setting aside time on my next free afternoon to read more from the archives, and a stop at derbunch confirmed that time will be well spent, the rare site whose archive deserves a dedicated reading session rather than just casual sampling is the kind of resource worth scheduling around and this one qualifies clearly.
Just want to record that this site is entering my regular reading list, and a look at mooncoveartisanexchange confirmed it deserves the spot, my regular reading list is short and well curated and adding to it requires meeting a fairly high quality bar that this site has clearly cleared without much effort apparently.
A small editorial detail caught my attention, the way headings related to body text, and a look at bayharbormerchantgallery maintained that careful relationship, structural details like that show up to readers who notice them and the writers here have clearly thought about every level of the piece rather than just the words.
Bookmark earned, calendar reminder set, share queued, all from one good post, and a look at jeqblot did the same, when a single reading session triggers multiple downstream actions you know the content has actually moved me beyond the page and this site is moving me at that higher level reliably.
A small editorial detail caught my attention, the way headings related to body text, and a look at violavenom maintained that careful relationship, structural details like that show up to readers who notice them and the writers here have clearly thought about every level of the piece rather than just the words.
Quality work here, the post reads cleanly and the points stay focused throughout, and a stop at humzap kept the standard high, you can tell the writer cares about the final result rather than just hitting publish for the sake of having something new on the page to feed the search engines.