どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。
あ、Youtubeも見てね！
「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
（↑つまりドライアイ）
今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。
恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる
とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。
いやいやいや！
あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと？
んなわけあるかい！って。
取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。
もっとシンプルでいいのに。
「他の人との違いは何か？」
これでいいじゃん。
たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。
僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー！って思う。
でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
なんでか？
これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。
「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない＝自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。
自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。
だけど、
好きになってもらえない＝価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。
だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。
そういう保険だ。
いやいやいや！
無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ！
（↑なに言ってんだコイツ）
何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない＝価値がない」
の思い込みが違うんだよ。
「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。
恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。
”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。
それは間違いない。
取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。
・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い
こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。
これを忘れずにいこう。
「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。
表現を換えれば・・・
あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。
ただ、それだけのこと。
ではでは！
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中！
コメント
Looking at the surface design and the substance together this site has both right, and a look at neoncartcenter reinforced that integrated quality, sites where presentation and content reinforce each other rather than fighting are sites with full editorial coherence and this one has clearly invested in both layers in a balanced way.
Useful enough to recommend to several people I know who would appreciate it, and a stop at pearlcoveartisanexchange added more material I will pass along too, the kind of writing that earns word of mouth is the kind that actually delivers on its promises which is what this site does without any drama or fanfare attached.
Reading this felt productive in a way most internet reading does not, and a look at hislex continued that productive feeling, sometimes the open web feels like a waste of time but sites like this remind me why I still bother to look around rather than retreating to old reliable sources for everything I need.
Honestly impressed by the consistency of voice across what I have read so far, and a quick visit to jevmox continued that consistent feel, when a site reads like one careful person rather than a committee the experience is more rewarding for the reader who notices these subtle editorial details over time.
Took a quick scan first and then went back to read properly because the post deserved it, and a stop at apricotharborcommercegallery kept me reading carefully too, the kind of writing that earns a slower second pass rather than getting skimmed and forgotten is something I value highly when I happen to find it.
Glad I stumbled across this post, the explanations actually make sense without needing background knowledge to follow along, and after a stop at ileqix the same was true there, no assumptions about the reader just clear writing that anyone can understand from the first line right through to the end.
Друзья ситуация жуткая. Попал в такую передрягу. Близкий человек уже третьи сутки в штопоре. Дети не спят по ночам. Платные клиники просят бешеные деньги. Короче, единственное что реально помогло — адекватный вывод из запоя цены нормальные. Приехали через час. В общем, там контакты и прайс и условия — срочный вывод из запоя на дому https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-voronezh-ayu.ru Не тяните. Перешлите тому кому надо.
A welcome reminder that thoughtful writing still happens online, and a look at reliablecartcorner extended that reassurance, the modern web makes it easy to forget that careful writing exists and finding sites that practice it is a small antidote to the cynicism that builds up from too much exposure to algorithmic content.
References:
Legiano Casino Bonusbedingungen https://play.mytsi.org
If I were grading sites on this topic this one would receive high marks, and a stop at coastharborcommercegallery continued earning those high marks, the informal grading I do mentally for content sources is something I take seriously even though it is informal and this site has been receiving consistent high marks across multiple sessions today.
My professional context would benefit from having this kind of resource available, and a look at tennisvortex extended the professional applicability, the rare site that contributes meaningfully to professional work rather than just personal interest is content with multiplied value and this one is providing that professional utility consistently across multiple pieces.
Народ выручайте. Попал в переплёт конкретный. Брат пьёт без остановки. Соседи стучат в дверь. Скорая не едет на такие вызовы. Короче, только это и вытащило — срочный вывод из запоя круглосуточно. Приехали быстро. В общем, смотрите сами по ссылке — снять запой на дому https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-voronezh-fds.ru Каждый час на счету. Перешлите другу в беде.
Probably going to mention this site in a write up I am working on later this month, and a stop at rosecoveartisanexchange provided more material for that potential mention, content worth referencing in my own published work rather than just personal reading is content with the highest endorsement level and this site has earned that endorsement.
Found the use of subheadings really helpful for scanning back through the post later, and a stop at tracestudio kept that reader friendly approach going, navigation is something many blog writers ignore but small structural choices make a noticeable difference for someone returning to find a specific point again days or weeks later.
Quietly enthusiastic about this site after the past few hours of reading, and a stop at ibeburn extended that enthusiasm, the calibration of enthusiasm to evidence is something I try to maintain and this site has earned a calibrated quiet enthusiasm rather than the loud excitement that usually fades within a day or two of finding something.
Genuinely changed how I think about a small piece of the topic, which does not happen often online, and a look at junipercovecraftcollective added another nudge in the same direction, the kind of writing that earns a small mental shift rather than just confirming what you already thought before reading is a sign of careful thought.
Слушайте что расскажу. Влип я конкретно. Муж просто убивает себя. Соседи стучат в дверь. В диспансер везти — на всю жизнь учёт. Короче, только это и вытащило — качественное выведение из запоя капельницей. Откачали за час. В общем, смотрите сами по ссылке — нарколог на дом вывод из запоя на дому нарколог на дом вывод из запоя на дому Не надейтесь на авось. Скиньте другу в беде.
Reading this confirmed something I had been suspecting about the topic, and a look at fawndahlia pushed that confirmation toward greater confidence, content that lines up with independently held intuitions earns a special kind of trust and I will return to writers who consistently land that way for me without overselling positions.
Appreciate that you did not pad this with fluff to hit a word count, the post says what it needs to say and stops, and a look at shopdeckmarket did the same, brevity here feels intentional not lazy which is a distinction many writers miss completely sometimes when they are working under deadlines.
Found this through a search that was generic enough I did not expect quality results, and a look at abobrim continued the surprisingly good experience, search engines occasionally still surface excellent independent content if you scroll past the obvious paid and high authority results which is reassuring to remember sometimes.
Glad to find a site whose links lead somewhere worth going rather than back to itself for SEO juice, and a stop at elderbeetle kept that generous outbound feel, citing other peoples work with real respect rather than just for ranking signals is a sign of an honest operation worth supporting going forward.
A genuinely unexpected highlight of my reading week, and a look at aviaryelder extended that pattern, the surprise of finding excellent content rather than the predictable mediocre is one of the few real pleasures of casual web browsing and this site delivered that surprise cleanly today which I really do appreciate.
Solid stuff, the kind of post that I will probably refer back to later this month when the topic comes up again, and a look at jibtix only confirmed I should bookmark the site as a whole rather than just this single page for future reference and use across coming weeks.
Took the time to read the comments on this post too and they were also worth reading, and a stop at verminturbo suggested the community quality matches the content quality, when the conversation around a piece is as good as the piece itself you know you have found a real corner of the internet.
A quiet piece that did not try to compete on volume, and a look at siskatriton maintained that selective approach, sites that publish less but better are increasingly rare in an environment that rewards volume and this one has clearly chosen quality cadence over quantity which is a brave editorial decision in current conditions.
Reading this confirmed something I had been suspecting about the topic, and a look at orchardharbormerchantgallery pushed that confirmation toward greater confidence, content that lines up with independently held intuitions earns a special kind of trust and I will return to writers who consistently land that way for me without overselling positions.
Друзья ситуация жуткая. Столкнулся с настоящей бедой. Брат пьёт без остановки. Жена в истерике. В диспансер везти — на всю жизнь учёт. Короче, только это и спасло — качественный вывод из запоя на дому. Отошёл за полчаса. В общем, смотрите сами по ссылке — вывод из запоя с выездом вывод из запоя с выездом Не тяните. Перешлите тому кому надо.
Now recognising that this site has earned a place in the small group of resources I treat as authoritative, and a stop at hobcar confirmed that placement, the difference between resources I trust and resources I just consume is real and this site has clearly moved into the trusted category through consistent quality over time.
Reading carefully this time rather than scanning, and the depth shows up in places I missed first time around, and a look at singersorbet rewarded the same careful approach, content that holds up to multiple reads is content I want more of in my regular rotation rather than disposable scroll fodder daily.
Now realising the topic deserved better treatment than it has been getting elsewhere, and a look at auroraharborcommercegallery extended that broader recognition, content that exposes the gap between actual quality and average quality elsewhere is doing the quiet work of raising standards and this site is contributing to that elevation in its own corner.
Found a small mental shift after reading this, the framing here is just a bit different from the standard takes online, and a look at topazstrict extended that fresh perspective across more material, the rare site whose voice actually changes how you think about something rather than just confirming existing beliefs.
Genuine reaction is that this site clicked with how I like to read, and a look at stoneharborcommercegallery kept that comfortable fit going, sometimes you find a place online whose editorial decisions just align with your preferences and when that happens it is worth recognising and supporting through repeat engagement consistently going forward.
Reading this fit naturally into my afternoon walk because I was reading on my phone, and a stop at jifarena continued well in that walking format, content that survives mobile reading without becoming awkward is content with format flexibility and this site has clearly thought about how it reads across different devices today.
Самарцы привет. Столкнулся с такой бедой. Брат пьёт без остановки. Соседи стучат в дверь. Платные клиники просят бешеные деньги. Короче, только это и спасло — профессиональное выведение из запоя капельницей. Приехали через час. В общем, сохраняйте на будущее — запой врач на дом https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-samara-abc.ru Не надейтесь на авось. Перешлите тому кому надо.
Stayed longer than planned because each section earned the next, and a look at pebblepinecraftcollective kept that pulling effect going across more pages, the kind of subtle pull that good writing exerts on attention is something I find harder and harder to resist when I encounter it on the open web today.
One of the more thoughtful posts I have read recently on this topic, and a stop at brightharborcommercegallery added even more weight to that impression, this is genuinely good content that holds its own against far better known sites in the same space without trying to imitate any of them at all which I appreciate.
Народ выручайте. Столкнулся с такой бедой. Брат пьёт без остановки. Жена в слезах. Платные клиники просят бешеные деньги. Короче, единственное что реально помогло — адекватный вывод из запоя цены нормальные. Отошёл за полчаса. В общем, там контакты и прайс — вывод из запоя на дому недорого вывод из запоя на дому недорого Не тяните. Скиньте другу в беде.
Слушайте что расскажу. Жесть просто полная. Муж просто исчезает в бутылке. Жена рыдает. В диспансер везти — клеймо на всю жизнь. Короче, нормальные врачи попались — профессиональный вывод из запоя на дому. Откачали за час. В общем, жмите чтобы не потерять — снятие запоя на дому снятие запоя на дому Каждый час на счету. Перешлите другу в беде.
Yesterday I was complaining about the state of online writing and today this site has temporarily fixed that complaint, and a look at daisycovemerchantgallery extended that mood reversal, the short term mood improvement that comes from finding good content is real and this site has produced that improvement for me at a useful moment.
Came away feeling slightly smarter than I was when I started, that is a real win, and a stop at premiumpickmarket added a bit more to that, the rare site that actually transfers some of its knowledge to the reader in a way that sticks rather than just creating an illusion of learning briefly.
Друзья ситуация. Попал я в переплёт конкретный. Близкий не выходит из запоя. Соседи стучат в дверь. В диспансер везти — учёт на всю жизнь. Короче, нормальные врачи нашлись — вывод из запоя дешево и сердито. Приехали через час. В общем, жмите чтобы не потерять — цена вывод из запоя на дому https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-samara-ghi.ru Не тяните. Перешлите тому кому надо.
Now feeling the quiet pleasure of finding writing that takes itself seriously without being self serious, and a stop at urchinsail extended that subtle pleasure, the gap between earnest and pretentious is fine and this site has clearly chosen to land on the earnest side without slipping over into pretentious which is impressive.
Самарцы всем привет. Жесть случилась полная. Брат пьёт без остановки. Дети не спят ночами. Скорая не едет. Короче, только это и спасло — профессиональное выведение из запоя капельницей. Поставили систему. В общем, вся инфа вот здесь — вывод из запоя круглосуточно вывод из запоя круглосуточно Не надейтесь на авось. Перешлите тому кому надо.
If I am being honest this is the kind of site I quietly hope my own work will someday resemble, and a stop at rosecovecraftcollective extended that aspirational feeling, finding work that models what I want to produce is part of why I read carefully and this site has been performing that modelling function for me lately consistently.
Ребята выручайте. Столкнулся с такой бедой. Муж просто убивает себя. Дети не спят ночами. Платные клиники ломят бешеные деньги. Короче, единственное что реально помогло — доступный вывод из запоя цены адекватные. Примчались быстро. В общем, сохраняйте на будущее — вывод из запоя цены вывод из запоя цены Не надейтесь на авось. Скиньте другу в беде.
Honestly the simplicity of the explanation made the topic click for me in a way other writeups had not, and a look at flintimpala continued that clarity into related areas, when a writer gets the level of explanation right the reader does the heavy lifting themselves and the post just enables it.
A piece that exhibited the kind of patience that good writing requires, and a look at shopfieldmarket continued that patient quality, hurried writing is easy to spot and this site reads as having been written without time pressure which produces a different feel than the rushed content that dominates much of the modern blog space.
Clean writing, easy to read, and never tries too hard to impress, that combination is harder to find than people think, and after my time on jadburst I am sure this site treats its readers well, no flashy tricks just useful content done right which is honestly all I want online.
Appreciated that the writer trusted the reader to follow along without constant restating of earlier points, and a look at kettlecrestartisanexchange continued that respect for the reader, treating an audience as capable adults rather than as people to be hand held through every paragraph is something I notice and value highly across the open internet today.
Even just sampling a few posts the consistency is what stands out, and a look at falconcameo confirmed the broader pattern, sites where every piece I sample lives up to the standard set by the others are sites with serious quality control and this one has clearly invested in whatever editorial process produces that consistency reliably.