どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。
あ、Youtubeも見てね！
「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
（↑つまりドライアイ）
今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。
恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる
とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。
いやいやいや！
あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと？
んなわけあるかい！って。
取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。
もっとシンプルでいいのに。
「他の人との違いは何か？」
これでいいじゃん。
たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。
僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー！って思う。
でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
なんでか？
これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。
「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない＝自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。
自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。
だけど、
好きになってもらえない＝価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。
だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。
そういう保険だ。
いやいやいや！
無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ！
（↑なに言ってんだコイツ）
何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない＝価値がない」
の思い込みが違うんだよ。
「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。
恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。
”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。
それは間違いない。
取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。
・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い
こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。
これを忘れずにいこう。
「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。
表現を換えれば・・・
あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。
ただ、それだけのこと。
ではでは！
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中！
コメント
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Worth recommending broadly to anyone who reads on the topic, and a look at cocktailnexus only confirms that, the rare combination of accessibility and depth in this site makes it suitable for both newcomers and people who already know the area which is hard to pull off in any blog format today and rarely managed.
Друзья ситуация. Попал я в переплёт конкретный. Человек уже четвёртые сутки в штопоре. Соседи стучат в дверь. Скорая не едет. Короче, нормальные врачи нашлись — вывести из запоя на дому качественно. Поставили систему. В общем, вся инфа вот здесь — капельница от запоя телефон https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-samara-yza.ru Не тяните. Скиньте другу в беде.
Really appreciate this kind of writing, no shouting and no clickbait headlines just steady useful content, and a quick look at brightportal kept that going, definitely a site I will be returning to whenever I need a sensible take on similar topics in the days ahead and also during slower work weeks.
Even just sampling a few posts the consistency is what stands out, and a look at modernlivinghub confirmed the broader pattern, sites where every piece I sample lives up to the standard set by the others are sites with serious quality control and this one has clearly invested in whatever editorial process produces that consistency reliably.
Taking the time to read carefully here has been worthwhile for the past hour, and a look at icicleislemerchantgallery extended the worthwhile reading, the calculation of return on reading time spent is something I do informally and this site has been producing positive returns across multiple sessions during the last week of regular visits and reads.
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Now noticing that the post benefited from being neither too short nor too long for its content, and a look at nyxsip continued that calibration of length, sites that match length to content rather than padding to hit some target are sites that respect both their material and their readers and this site does both.
Glad to find something on this topic that does not start with three paragraphs of throat clearing before getting to the point, and a stop at modernupdate also dives right in, respect for the readers time shows up in small editorial choices like this and they add up to a real difference quickly.
Now considering writing a longer note about the post somewhere, and a look at tattooharbor added more material for that note, content that prompts me to write rather than just consume is content with generative energy and this site is producing that generative effect for me at a higher rate than most sources.
Honestly this hits the sweet spot between detail and brevity, no rambling and no shortcuts, and a quick visit to answerharbor kept that going across the related pages, the kind of place that respects your attention without trying to grab it through cheap tactics or attention seeking design choices that get tired fast.
Just want to recognise that someone clearly cared about how this turned out, and a look at cricketgourd confirmed that care extends across the broader site, you can feel the difference between content shipped to hit a deadline and content released because the writer was actually proud of the result for once.
Самарцы всем привет. Попал я в переплёт конкретный. Муж просто пропадает. Жена в слезах. Скорая не едет. Короче, единственное что реально помогло — анонимный вывод из запоя без последствий. Поставили систему. В общем, там контакты и прайс — вывод из запоя недорого вывод из запоя недорого Каждая минута дорога. Скиньте другу в беде.
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Worth pointing out the careful word choice in this post, no buzzwords and no jargon, and a look at connectnexus continued that disciplined vocabulary, sites that resist the pull of trendy language are sites that will read well in five years and this one is clearly built for that kind of long durability.
Екатеринбург привет. Жесть случилась полная. Брат пьёт без остановки. Соседи стучат в дверь. В диспансер везти — учёт на всю жизнь. Короче, только это и спасло — вывод из запоя недорого и качественно. Поставили систему. В общем, там контакты и прайс — капельница от запоя недорого https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-ekaterinburg-xtz.ru Не тяните. Перешлите тому кому надо.
Genuine reaction is that this site clicked with how I like to read, and a look at batikcitrine kept that comfortable fit going, sometimes you find a place online whose editorial decisions just align with your preferences and when that happens it is worth recognising and supporting through repeat engagement consistently going forward.
Reading this on a difficult day was a small bright spot, and a stop at carbonantler extended that brightness, content that improves a hard day is content that has earned a particular kind of place in my reading habits and this site is occupying that uplifting role for me today which I appreciate clearly.
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Now thinking I want more sites built on this kind of editorial foundation, and a stop at lyxbark extended that wish into a broader hope, sites built on substance and care rather than on metrics and growth are the kind of sites I want to see more of and this one is a small example worth supporting.
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