どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。
あ、Youtubeも見てね！
「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
（↑つまりドライアイ）
今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。
恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる
とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。
いやいやいや！
あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと？
んなわけあるかい！って。
取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。
もっとシンプルでいいのに。
「他の人との違いは何か？」
これでいいじゃん。
たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。
僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー！って思う。
でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
なんでか？
これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。
「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない＝自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。
自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。
だけど、
好きになってもらえない＝価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。
だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。
そういう保険だ。
いやいやいや！
無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ！
（↑なに言ってんだコイツ）
何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない＝価値がない」
の思い込みが違うんだよ。
「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。
恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。
”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。
それは間違いない。
取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。
・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い
こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。
これを忘れずにいこう。
「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。
表現を換えれば・・・
あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。
ただ、それだけのこと。
ではでは！
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中！
コメント
Honestly slowed down to read this carefully which is not my default, and a look at growthvertexhub kept me in that careful reading mode, the kind of writing that demands attention by being worth attention is rare in a media environment full of content engineered to be skimmed not read with any real focus today.
Skipped a meeting reminder to finish the post, and a stop at acorndamson held me past another reminder, when content beats meetings the writer is doing something extraordinary because meetings have institutional support behind them and yet good writing can still occasionally win that competition for attention which I find heartening today.
If quality blog writing is dying as people sometimes claim then this site is one piece of evidence that it has not died yet, and a look at borealelfin extended that evidence, the broader cultural question about online writing has empirical answers in specific sites and this one is contributing to a more optimistic answer overall.
Decided I would read the archives over the weekend, and a stop at moderncomfort confirmed that the archives would be worth the time, very few sites have archives I would actively read through but this one has earned that level of interest based on the consistent quality across what I have sampled so far.
Worth a quiet moment of recognition for the consistency I have noticed across multiple posts, and a stop at fjordaster continued that consistent quality, sites that maintain quality across many pieces rather than peaking on one viral post are sites with real editorial discipline and this one has clearly developed that discipline carefully.
Народ выручайте. Жесть случилась полная. Близкий не выходит из запоя. Дети не спят ночами. Платные клиники просят бешеные деньги. Короче, единственное что реально помогло — срочный вывод из запоя круглосуточно. Отошёл за полчаса. В общем, сохраняйте на будущее — вывод из запоя на дому в самаре вывод из запоя на дому в самаре Каждая минута дорога. Скиньте другу в беде.
Really appreciate this kind of writing, no shouting and no clickbait headlines just steady useful content, and a quick look at dingoalmond kept that going, definitely a site I will be returning to whenever I need a sensible take on similar topics in the days ahead and also during slower work weeks.
Started imagining how I would explain the topic to someone else after reading, and a look at brindledingo gave me more material for that imagined explanation, content that improves my own ability to discuss a topic is content that has actually transferred knowledge rather than just decorating my screen for a few minutes.
Thank you for being clear and direct, that simple approach saves so much frustration on the reader’s end, and a stop at craftbreweryhub only made me more sure of it, the rest of the content seems to follow the same pattern which is a great sign of consistent editorial care behind the scenes.
Reading this confirmed a small detail I had been uncertain about, and a stop at fibdot provided the source for further checking, content that supports verification through citations or links rather than just asserting facts is more trustworthy and this site has clearly built its credibility through that kind of verifiable approach consistently.
Really appreciate the confidence to make a clear point rather than hedging everything, and a quick visit to growthcareer maintained the same direct stance, writing that takes positions rather than equivocating is more useful even when the positions are debatable because at least the reader has something to react to clearly.
Now noticing the post fit a particular gap in my reading without my having articulated the gap before, and a look at brightzenithhub extended that gap filling effect, content that meets needs I had not consciously formulated is content with reader insight and this site has clearly developed that anticipatory editorial sense across many pieces.
Found this through a search that was generic enough I did not expect quality results, and a look at joxaxis continued the surprisingly good experience, search engines occasionally still surface excellent independent content if you scroll past the obvious paid and high authority results which is reassuring to remember sometimes.
Glad the writer kept this short rather than padding it out, the points stand on their own without needing extra context, and a look at cratercopper kept the same approach going, brevity is a sign of confidence in the substance and the team here clearly trusts their content to land without filler.
Closed the laptop after this and let the ideas settle for a few hours, and a stop at royalmariner similarly rewarded reflective time, content that benefits from sitting with rather than racing past is the kind I want more of and the kind that this site appears to consistently produce week after week here.
Saving the link for sure, this one is a keeper, and a look at oceanriders confirmed I should bookmark the entire site rather than just this page, the consistency across what I have seen so far suggests there is a lot more here worth coming back for soon when I have more time.
Now appreciating that the post did not try to imitate any other style I might recognise, and a stop at vaultvalue continued that distinct voice, content with its own register rather than borrowed from elsewhere is content with real authorial presence and this site has clearly developed that presence through what feels like patient editorial work.
Learned something from this without having to dig through layers of fluff, and a stop at brightframeshub added a bit more context that helped tie things together for me, definitely a useful corner of the internet for anyone who wants real information without the usual marketing nonsense around it that often ruins similar pages.
A piece that exhibited the kind of patience that good writing requires, and a look at canoebeech continued that patient quality, hurried writing is easy to spot and this site reads as having been written without time pressure which produces a different feel than the rushed content that dominates much of the modern blog space.
Liked that the post resisted a sales pitch ending, and a stop at barniguana maintained the no pitch approach, content that ends without trying to convert me into a customer or subscriber is content that has confidence in its own value and this site is clearly playing the long game on reader trust.
Самарцы всем привет. Жесть случилась полная. Человек уже пятые сутки в штопоре. Соседи стучат в дверь. Скорая не едет. Короче, единственное что реально помогло — анонимный вывод из запоя без последствий. Поставили систему. В общем, сохраняйте на будущее — срочный вывод из запоя срочный вывод из запоя Не тяните. Перешлите тому кому надо.
Самарцы привет. Столкнулся с такой бедой. Близкий не выходит из запоя. Соседи стучат в дверь. Платные клиники просят бешеные деньги. Короче, только это и спасло — анонимный вывод из запоя без последствий. Поставили систему. В общем, вся инфа вот здесь — нарколог на дом вывод из запоя https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-samara-yza.ru Не надейтесь на авось. Перешлите тому кому надо.
Loved the writing voice here, friendly without being fake and confident without being arrogant, and a stop at discountnexus carried the same tone forward, the kind of personality that makes a reader feel welcome rather than lectured at which is a balance plenty of writers struggle to find no matter how long they have been at it.
Друзья ситуация. Жесть случилась полная. Человек уже вторые сутки в штопоре. Жена в слезах. В диспансер везти — учёт на всю жизнь. Короче, нормальные врачи нашлись — срочный вывод из запоя круглосуточно. Отошёл за полчаса. В общем, вся инфа вот здесь — вывод из запоя дешево самара вывод из запоя дешево самара Не надейтесь на авось. Перешлите тому кому надо.
Top notch writing, every paragraph carries weight and nothing feels like filler, and a stop at purposehaven reflected that same care, a rare thing on the open web these days where most pages exist for clicks rather than actual reader value or anything close to that which is honestly a real shame.
Halfway through reading I knew this would be one to bookmark, and a look at sweatertorso confirmed that early intuition, when bookmark intent forms before finishing a post you know the writing has cleared a quality bar that most content fails to clear and this site has cleared it on multiple visits already.
Самарцы всем привет. Столкнулся с такой бедой. Близкий не выходит из запоя. Дети не спят ночами. В диспансер везти — учёт на всю жизнь. Короче, только это и спасло — профессиональное выведение из запоя капельницей. Отошёл за полчаса. В общем, там контакты и прайс — срочный вывод из запоя на дому срочный вывод из запоя на дому Не тяните. Скиньте другу в беде.
My usual pattern is to skim and bounce but this site has reset that pattern temporarily, and a stop at hazelharborcommercegallery maintained the slower reading mode, content that changes how I read is content with structural influence and this site has clearly nudged my reading behaviour toward something better at least for the duration of these visits.
The post made the topic feel approachable without making it feel trivial, that is a fine balance, and a stop at merrynights maintained the same balance, finding the middle ground between welcoming and serious is genuinely difficult and the writers here have clearly figured out how to consistently hit it well across many different posts.
Recommend this to anyone who values clear thinking over flashy presentation, and a stop at adobebronze continued in the same understated way, this site has its priorities in the right place which makes it worth supporting through repeat visits and recommendations rather than just one passing read today before moving on quickly elsewhere.
Picked this up between two other things I was doing and got drawn in completely, and after topicnexus my original tasks were completely forgotten for a while, content that derails a workflow in a positive way by being more interesting than what you were already doing is rare and worth recognising clearly.
A quiet piece that did not try to compete on volume, and a look at dingocypress maintained that selective approach, sites that publish less but better are increasingly rare in an environment that rewards volume and this one has clearly chosen quality cadence over quantity which is a brave editorial decision in current conditions.
Looking through the archives suggests this site has been doing this for a while at this level, and a look at fjordchimney confirmed the long term consistency, sites that have maintained quality across years rather than just a recent stretch are sites with serious editorial discipline and this one has clearly been at it for a while.
Just want to say thank you for putting this together, posts like these make searching online actually worth it sometimes, and a quick look at cozyhomestead kept that going, useful and easy to read without any of the tricks that ruin most blog comment sections lately on the wider open web.
Liked that the post left some questions open rather than pretending to settle everything, and a stop at flyburn continued that intellectual honesty, content that respects the limits of its own claims is more trustworthy than content that overreaches and this site has clearly figured out which positions it can defend confidently.
Came away with some new perspectives I had not considered before, and after radianttouch those ideas felt more complete, the kind of content that stays with you a little while after reading rather than slipping out the moment you switch tabs and move on with your day to whatever comes next.
Skipped lunch to finish reading, which says something, and a stop at trendoutlet kept me at my desk longer than planned, when content beats the lunch impulse the writer has done something genuinely impressive in an attention environment full of immediately satisfying alternatives competing for the same finite block of reader time.
However casually I came to this site I have ended up reading carefully, and a look at craterglider continued earning that careful reading, the conversion from casual visitor to careful reader is something content earns rather than demands and this site has accomplished that conversion for me over the course of just a few pieces.
Started this morning and finished at lunch with a small sense of having spent the time well, and a look at autovoyager extended that satisfaction into the afternoon, content that fits naturally into the rhythm of a working day rather than demanding a dedicated reading block is increasingly the kind I prefer.
Skipped the related links section thinking I had read enough and then came back to it later when curiosity got the better of me, and a stop at canyonbobcat confirmed I should have just read it first, every section of this site appears to deserve careful attention rather than skipping past lazily.
Народ выручайте. Столкнулся с такой бедой. Человек уже пятые сутки в штопоре. Дети не спят ночами. Скорая не едет. Короче, только это и спасло — профессиональное выведение из запоя капельницей. Поставили систему. В общем, смотрите сами по ссылке — срочный вывод из запоя на дому https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-samara-bcd.ru Каждая минута дорога. Скиньте другу в беде.
Started reading expecting to disagree and ended mostly nodding along, and a look at baronbarley continued the pattern, content that wins agreement through evidence and reasoning rather than rhetorical force is the kind that actually shifts minds and this site clearly knows how to do that across what I have read so far.
Honest take is that I will probably forget most of what I read online today but this post is one I will remember, and a stop at jadejetty kept that same memorable quality going, certain writing leaves a residue in the mind in a way most content simply does not manage.
Worth saying that the prose reads naturally without straining for style, and a stop at modernvertex maintained the same unforced quality, writing that achieves elegance without effort is the highest tier and this site has clearly worked out how to land that effortless quality consistently rather than only on the writers best days.
Слушайте что расскажу. Столкнулся с такой бедой. Близкий не выходит из запоя. Дети не спят ночами. В диспансер везти — учёт на всю жизнь. Короче, нормальные врачи нашлись — срочный вывод из запоя круглосуточно. Поставили систему. В общем, там контакты и прайс — анонимный вывод из запоя на дому анонимный вывод из запоя на дому Не надейтесь на авось. Перешлите тому кому надо.
Народ выручайте. Столкнулся с такой бедой. Человек уже четвёртые сутки в штопоре. Дети не спят ночами. Платные клиники просят бешеные деньги. Короче, нормальные врачи нашлись — вывести из запоя на дому качественно. Отошёл за полчаса. В общем, там контакты и прайс — доктор вывод из запоя https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-samara-yza.ru Каждая минута дорога. Скиньте другу в беде.
Reading this as part of my evening winding down routine fit perfectly, and a stop at artistnexus extended the wind down nicely, content that calms rather than agitates is what I want at the end of the day and this site provides that calming reading experience reliably which is increasingly rare across the modern web.
Found this via a link from another piece I was reading and the click was worth it, and a stop at dragonebony extended the value across more material, the open web still rewards clicking through citations when the underlying writers care about each other work and this site clearly belongs to that network.
Reading this between two meetings turned out to be the highlight of the morning, and a stop at trillsaddle continued that highlight quality, content that outshines the structured parts of a working day is doing something well beyond ordinary and this site has produced multiple such highlights for me already this week alone.
Learned something from this without having to dig through layers of fluff, and a stop at digitalgrove added a bit more context that helped tie things together for me, definitely a useful corner of the internet for anyone who wants real information without the usual marketing nonsense around it that often ruins similar pages.