どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。
あ、Youtubeも見てね！
「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
（↑つまりドライアイ）
今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。
恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる
とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。
いやいやいや！
あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと？
んなわけあるかい！って。
取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。
もっとシンプルでいいのに。
「他の人との違いは何か？」
これでいいじゃん。
たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。
僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー！って思う。
でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
なんでか？
これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。
「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない＝自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。
自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。
だけど、
好きになってもらえない＝価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。
だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。
そういう保険だ。
いやいやいや！
無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ！
（↑なに言ってんだコイツ）
何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない＝価値がない」
の思い込みが違うんだよ。
「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。
恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。
”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。
それは間違いない。
取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。
・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い
こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。
これを忘れずにいこう。
「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。
表現を換えれば・・・
あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。
ただ、それだけのこと。
ではでは！
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中！
コメント
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Picked a friend mentally as the audience for this and decided to send the link, and a look at intentionalexecution confirmed the send was the right choice, choosing whom to share content with is a small act of curation that I take more seriously than the public sharing most platforms encourage these days online.
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Honestly enjoyed every minute spent here, that is not something I say lightly, and a look at directionlogic confirmed I will be back, the bar for spending time online is high for me these days but this site clears it without effort which is high praise indeed from this reader who is usually rather demanding.
Really appreciate that the writer did not stretch the post to hit some target word count, the points end when they are made, and a stop at unitycatalyst reflected the same discipline, brevity is generosity in disguise and this site has clearly figured that out far better than most blog operations have.
Worth recommending broadly to anyone who reads on the topic, and a look at focusunlocksprogress only confirms that, the rare combination of accessibility and depth in this site makes it suitable for both newcomers and people who already know the area which is hard to pull off in any blog format today and rarely managed.
Reading this prompted a brief but useful conversation with a colleague who happened to walk by, and a stop at bondedvisions extended that conversational seed, content that becomes a starting point for in person discussion rather than ending in solitary reading is content with social generative energy and this site has plenty of it apparently.
Qasino uden ROFUS
If you asked me to point to a recent positive sign for the open web this site would be near the top, and a stop at bondedcapitalist reinforced that designation, the few sites that serve as evidence the web can still produce quality independent content are precious and this one has clearly become one for me.
Glad the writer did not feel the need to argue with imaginary critics in the post itself, and a stop at progressflowsforward kept the same focused approach going, defensive writing wastes the reader time and confidence on positions that did not need defending and this post has clearly avoided that common failure.
If I had to defend the time I spend reading independent blogs this site would feature in the defence, and a look at directioncraft reinforced that defensive utility, the ongoing case for non algorithmic reading is one I make to myself periodically and sites like this one provide the actual evidence that supports the case clearly.
Worth recognising that the post did not pretend to be the final word on the topic, and a stop at directionclarifiesaction continued that humility, content that admits its own scope and limits is more trustworthy than content that overreaches and this site has clearly developed the editorial maturity to know what it can and cannot claim well.
Reading this gave me a small refresher on something I had partially forgotten, and a stop at claritycreatesflow extended the refresher, content that strengthens existing knowledge rather than just adding new is content with a particular kind of consolidating value and this site is providing that consolidating function across multiple visits.
Useful enough to recommend to several people I know who would appreciate it, and a stop at trustcoregroup added more material I will pass along too, the kind of writing that earns word of mouth is the kind that actually delivers on its promises which is what this site does without any drama or fanfare attached.
Все о строительстве https://interiordesign.kyiv.ua и ремонте в одном месте. Полезные статьи о выборе строительных материалов, современных технологиях, проектировании, отделке, инженерных коммуникациях, инструментах и обустройстве загородного дома.
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Женский портал https://family-site.com.ua о красоте, здоровье, моде, отношениях, семье, психологии, материнстве, карьере и саморазвитии. Полезные статьи, советы экспертов, идеи для вдохновения и актуальные тренды для современной женщины.
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Now sitting back and recognising that this was a small but real win in my reading day, and a stop at directionaldrive extended that quiet win, the cumulative effect of small reading wins versus the cumulative effect of small reading losses is real over time and this site is contributing to the wins side of that ledger.
Glad the writer did not feel the need to argue with imaginary critics in the post itself, and a stop at buildclearoutcomes kept the same focused approach going, defensive writing wastes the reader time and confidence on positions that did not need defending and this post has clearly avoided that common failure.
Женский портал https://feminine.kyiv.ua с ежедневными публикациями о красоте, здоровье, модных тенденциях, правильном питании, уходе за кожей и волосами, семейной жизни, карьере, хобби и гармонии в повседневной жизни.
Felt no urge to argue with the conclusions even though I started the post slightly skeptical, and a look at growthcraft maintained that pattern, writing that earns agreement through clarity of argument rather than rhetorical pressure is the kind I find most persuasive and the kind I want to read more of these days.
A genuine compliment to the writer for keeping the post focused on what mattered, and a look at momentumflow continued that disciplined focus, focus is a editorial choice that compounds across many small decisions and this site has clearly made those small decisions consistently across what I have read so far this week here.
Sets a higher bar than most of what shows up in search results for this topic, and a look at visionforward did not lower that bar at all, in fact it confirmed the impression, this is the kind of consistency that earns a place in regular rotation for serious readers instead of casual scrollers passing through.
Worth marking this site as one to come back to deliberately rather than by accident, and a stop at actioncreatesvelocity reinforced that intention, the difference between sites I find again by chance and sites I return to on purpose is meaningful and this one has clearly moved into the deliberate return category for me.
Honest assessment is that this is one of the better short reads I have had this week, and a look at ideascreatepathways reinforced that, the bar for short content is low because most of it sacrifices substance for brevity but this site manages both at once which is harder than it sounds for most writers attempting it.
Genuinely useful read, the points are practical and easy to apply right away, and a quick look at focusalignment confirmed that this site is consistent in that approach, looking forward to digging through the rest of it when I get the chance to sit down properly later in the week or this weekend.
Worth recognising that the post handled a familiar topic without reaching for any of the obvious hot takes, and a stop at bondedalliance continued that fresh treatment, sites that find new angles on subjects others have exhausted are sites worth following carefully and this one has clearly developed that exploratory instinct through patient practice.
Reading this gave me something to think about for the rest of the afternoon, and after unitykeystone I had even more to mull over, the kind of post that lingers in the background of your day rather than evaporating immediately is genuinely valuable in an attention economy that punishes depth rather than rewarding it.
Just dropping by to say thanks for the effort, it does not go unnoticed when a writer cares this much about the reader, and after I went through trustcircle I was certain this is one of the better corners of the internet for this particular kind of content which is genuinely refreshing.
Now thinking about how to apply some of this to a project I have been planning, and a look at stonebridgecapital added more material for the planning, content that connects to my actual creative work rather than just being interesting in the abstract is the kind that earns priority placement in my reading rotation consistently going forward.
Appreciate that you did not pad this with fluff to hit a word count, the post says what it needs to say and stops, and a look at strategymap did the same, brevity here feels intentional not lazy which is a distinction many writers miss completely sometimes when they are working under deadlines.
Семейный портал https://geog.org.ua о детях, воспитании и развитии. Читайте рекомендации специалистов, находите развивающие игры, идеи для занятий, советы по здоровью, обучению, питанию и организации интересного семейного досуга.
I came here looking for a quick answer and ended up reading the whole post because it was actually interesting, and after digitalspark I had a much fuller picture, no stress and no confusion just a clear walk through the topic that made everything fall into place without much effort.
Читайте статьи https://girl.kyiv.ua о женском здоровье, красоте, стиле, отношениях, материнстве, саморазвитии, психологии, кулинарии, путешествиях и уюте в доме. Только полезные материалы и практические рекомендации.
Skipped the related products section because there was none, and a stop at directionguidesmotion also lacked any aggressive monetisation, content that is not constantly trying to convert me into a customer or subscriber is content that has confidence in its own value and that confidence shows up as a different reading experience.
Информационный портал https://fines.com.ua для женщин, где собраны советы экспертов, модные тренды, рекомендации по здоровью, обзоры косметики, идеи для дома, рецепты, лайфхаки и материалы о саморазвитии.
Honest reaction is that I want to send this to a friend who would benefit from it, and a look at signalclarifiesaction added more material I will pass along too, the impulse to share is the strongest signal I have for content quality and this site is generating that impulse cleanly across multiple posts.
Онлайн-журнал https://mirlady.kyiv.ua для женщин с актуальными статьями о моде, красоте, здоровье, семье, детях, фитнесе, правильном питании, косметике, карьере, вдохновении и современных тенденциях.
Solid information that lines up with what I have been hearing from other reliable sources, and after my visit to kavqaro I was even more certain of that, this site checks out which is something I value highly when so many places online play loose with the facts to chase a quick click.
Now wondering how the writers calibrated the level of detail so well, and a stop at dreamcreator continued the same calibration, the right level of detail is one of the harder editorial calls in any piece and this site has clearly developed an instinct for it through what I assume is years of careful practice publicly.
Женский портал https://nicegirl.kyiv.ua для тех, кто ценит красоту, здоровье и комфорт. Полезные советы по уходу за собой, обзоры косметики, идеи образов, секреты гармоничных отношений, домашнего уюта и активного образа жизни.
Good post, the kind that respects the reader by getting to the point quickly without skipping the details that matter, and a short look at unitybondworks confirmed that approach is consistent across the site which is rare to find online these days, definitely a place I will return to soon.
Did not expect much when I clicked through but ended up reading the whole thing carefully, and a stop at bondedharvest kept that engagement going, sometimes the unassuming sites turn out to deliver more than the flashy ones which is something I have learned to look out for over time online lately and across topics.