どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。
あ、Youtubeも見てね！
「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
（↑つまりドライアイ）
今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。
恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる
とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。
いやいやいや！
あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと？
んなわけあるかい！って。
取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。
もっとシンプルでいいのに。
「他の人との違いは何か？」
これでいいじゃん。
たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。
僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー！って思う。
でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
なんでか？
これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。
「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない＝自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。
自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。
だけど、
好きになってもらえない＝価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。
だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。
そういう保険だ。
いやいやいや！
無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ！
（↑なに言ってんだコイツ）
何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない＝価値がない」
の思い込みが違うんだよ。
「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。
恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。
”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。
それは間違いない。
取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。
・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い
こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。
これを忘れずにいこう。
「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。
表現を換えれば・・・
あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。
ただ、それだけのこと。
ではでは！
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中！
コメント
Now adjusting my mental list of reliable sites for this topic, and a stop at ideasrequiredirection reinforced the adjustment, the small ongoing curation work of maintaining trusted sources is one of the actual practical activities of careful reading and this site has earned a permanent place on my list for this particular subject.
Доброго вечера, земляки. Кошмар полный. Мать на грани нервного срыва. Скорая не едет на такие вызовы. Короче, единственные, кто приехал без предоплат — срочный вывод из запоя с капельницей. Сняли острую интоксикацию. В общем, не потеряйте — вывод из запоя на дому вывод из запоя на дому Не ждите чуда. Перешлите тем, кто рядом с бедой.
Felt the writer was being honest with the reader which is rare enough that I want to acknowledge it, and a look at buildtractioncleanly continued that honest feel, content built on actual knowledge rather than aggregated summaries is something I value highly and rarely come across in regular searches on the open internet these days.
Now recognising the editorial wisdom of letting some questions remain open at the end, and a look at moveforwardintentionally continued that intellectual honesty, content that does not force closure on contested questions is content that respects the limits of knowledge and this site has clearly developed the maturity to know when to leave space.
Здорова, Питер. Отец не выходит из штопора. Дети напуганы. Скорая не приедет на такой вызов. Короче, спасла эта бригада — вывод из запоя на дому круглосуточно. Сняли интоксикацию. В общем, не потеряйте — вывод из запоя в домашних условиях нарколог 24 https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-sankt-peterburg-qbf.ru Не ждите. Вдруг это спасёт чью-то жизнь.
Liked that the post acknowledged complications rather than pretending they did not exist, and a stop at adobebronze continued that honest framing, sites that handle complexity with care rather than papering it over with simplifying claims are doing real intellectual work and this one is clearly in that category based on what I have read.
Bookmarking this for later, the kind of resource I want to keep nearby, and a quick look at focusshapesresults confirmed the rest of the site is worth the same treatment, definitely going into my reference folder for the next time the topic comes up at work or in conversation with someone who asks.
Following a few of the internal links revealed more posts of similar quality, and a stop at chestnutharbormerchantgallery added more to that growing pile, sites where internal links lead to more good content rather than to more of the same recycled material are sites with depth and this one has clearly built that depth carefully.
Приветствую А на работу через пару часов Рассол уже не лезет Короче, единственное что реально спасает — капельница от похмелья быстрый результат Приехали через 30 минут В общем, телефон и цены тут — сделать капельницу на дому цена https://kapelnicza-ot-pokhmelya-voronezh-xqt.ru Звоните прямо сейчас Перешлите тем кто в такой же ситуации
Reading this in three sittings because the day was fragmented, and the piece survived the fragmentation, and a stop at strategyandclarity held up under similar reading conditions, content engineered for continuous attention is fragile in modern conditions and this site reads as durable across the realistic ways people consume content today.
A piece that read as the work of someone who reads carefully themselves, and a look at ideaswithoutnoise continued that informed feel, writers who are also serious readers produce work with a different quality and this site reads as the product of someone steeped in good writing rather than just generating content for an audience.
Started thinking about my own writing differently after reading, and a look at clarityfirstmove continued that reflective effect, content that influences how I work rather than just informing what I know is content with the highest kind of impact and this site has triggered some of that reflective influence today on me.
Now setting aside time on my next free afternoon to read more from the archives, and a stop at ideasneedmomentum confirmed that time will be well spent, the rare site whose archive deserves a dedicated reading session rather than just casual sampling is the kind of resource worth scheduling around and this one qualifies clearly.
Left me wanting to read more rather than feeling burned out, that is a good sign, and a look at buildmomentumintelligently confirmed there is plenty more here to explore, the kind of writing that builds appetite rather than killing it which is a rare quality on the modern open internet today across most categories of content.
Доброго времени суток. Близкий человек потерял контроль. Дети ходят как в воду опущенные. В бесплатную наркологию — стыд и страх. Итог, единственные, кто приехал без лишних вопросов — срочный вывод из запоя с капельницей. К утру человек пришёл в норму. В общем, сохраните себе — нарколог вывод из запоя нарколог вывод из запоя Каждый час на счету. Перешлите тем, кто в беде.
Working through this site has been a small antidote to the shallow content that fills most of my reading time, and a stop at focusdrivenresults extended that antidote function, sites that quietly improve the average quality of my reading by being themselves are sites worth supporting through return visits and recommendations consistently.
Здорова, народ. Мой знакомый уже седьмой день в запое. Родственники просто в отчаянии. Скорая не едет на такие вызовы. Короче, единственные, кто приехал без предоплат — капельница от запоя на дому. Врач поставил капельницу. В общем, цены и телефон тут — вывода из запоя 24 https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-sankt-peterburg-msy.ru Не ждите чуда. Перешлите тем, кто рядом с бедой.
Reading this back to back with a similar piece elsewhere made the quality difference obvious, and a stop at ideasgaintraction only widened the gap, comparing content side by side is a useful exercise and the gap between this site and average competitors in the space is large enough to be noticeable from the first paragraph.
Found this through a friend who recommended it and now I see why, and a look at forwardenergyflow only strengthened that recommendation in my own mind, word of mouth still works for content that actually delivers and this site is clearly earning recommendations the old fashioned way through quality rather than marketing.
Быстрый ремонт стиралок: ремонт стиральных машин волгоград советский район. Предлагаем на совесть. Оригинальные запчасти. Звоните, устраним любую поломку!
Now considering carefully how to share this site with the right audience rather than broadcasting widely, and a look at momentumdesign extended that careful sharing impulse, content worth sharing carefully rather than spamming is content that has earned a higher kind of recommendation and this site has earned that careful shareability throughout pieces.
Approaching this site through a casual link click and being surprised by what I found, and a look at focusdrivesexecution extended the surprise, the rare experience of stumbling into excellent independent content rather than predictable mediocrity is one of the actual remaining pleasures of casual web browsing and this site provided it cleanly.
Reading this triggered a small but real correction in something I had assumed, and a stop at signaldrivenmomentum extended that corrective effect, content that updates my beliefs through evidence rather than rhetoric is content with intellectual integrity and this site has earned that label consistently across the pieces I have read so far today.
Felt the writer respected the topic without being precious about it, and a look at dylbray continued that respectful but unfussy treatment, finding the right register for serious topics is hard and this site has clearly figured out how to take the topic seriously while still being readable for casual visitors regularly.
Now thinking the topic is more interesting than I had given it credit for, and a stop at forwardtractioncreated continued that elevated interest, content that revives my curiosity about subjects I had set aside is doing genuine work in the structure of my interests and this site is providing that revivifying effect today actually.
Здорова, Питер. Отец не выходит из штопора. Дети напуганы. Платная клиника — бешеные счета. Короче, реально крутые врачи — вывод из запоя цены доступные. Врач поставил систему. В общем, жмите, чтобы сохранить — вывод из запоя на дому спб цены https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-sankt-peterburg-qbf.ru Звоните прямо сейчас. Вдруг это спасёт чью-то жизнь.
Skipped the comments section but might come back to read it, and a stop at claritybridge hinted at a quality reader community, sites where the comments are worth reading separately from the post are increasingly rare and signal a particular kind of audience that has grown around the editorial vision over time gradually.
Took my time with this rather than rushing because the writing rewards attention, and after agatebrindle I had even more to absorb, the kind of content that pays back the patient reader rather than punishing them with empty filler is something I look for and rarely find in regular searches lately.
Really appreciate the confidence to make a clear point rather than hedging everything, and a quick visit to growthwithintent maintained the same direct stance, writing that takes positions rather than equivocating is more useful even when the positions are debatable because at least the reader has something to react to clearly.
Solid quality, the kind of work that holds up to a careful read rather than a quick skim, and a quick look at buildforwardtraction kept that standard going strong, content that rewards attention rather than punishing it is something I appreciate more and more these days online across nearly every topic I follow.
Considered alongside other sources I have been reading this one consistently rises to the top, and a stop at ideasneedvelocity maintained that top ranking, the informal ongoing comparison between sources is something I do whenever reading on a topic and this site keeps coming out near the top of those comparisons over many sessions.
Skipped the comments section but might come back to read it, and a stop at forwardthinkingcore hinted at a quality reader community, sites where the comments are worth reading separately from the post are increasingly rare and signal a particular kind of audience that has grown around the editorial vision over time gradually.
Liked the careful word choice throughout, every term seemed picked for a reason rather than thrown in casually, and a stop at clarityactivatorhub continued that precise style, this kind of attention to small details is what separates careful writing from the usual rushed content that dominates blog spaces today across pretty much every topic I follow.
Воронеж, всем привет А на работу через пару часов Рассол уже не лезет Короче, единственное что реально спасает — капельница от похмелья цена доступная Вернулся к жизни В общем, телефон и цены тут — капельница от алкоголя цена https://kapelnicza-ot-pokhmelya-voronezh-xqt.ru Капельница — это быстро и эффективно Перешлите тем кто в такой же ситуации
The pacing of the post was just right, never rushed and never dragged out unnecessarily, and a look at clarityoveractivity maintained the same rhythm, you can tell the writer has experience because the difficult skill of pacing is something only practiced writers manage to handle well in long form content over time and across formats.
This actually answered the question I had been searching for, and after I checked actionpoweredgrowth I had a few more pieces I had not realised I needed, that is the sign of a site that knows what its readers want before they even know how to ask it which is impressive.
Всем привет с Невы. Отец окончательно ушёл в штопор. Соседи стучат в стену. Скорая не едет на такие вызовы. Короче, единственные, кто приехал без предоплат — выведение из запоя на дому анонимно. К утру человек пришёл в норму. В общем, жмите, чтобы сохранить — вывод из запоя санкт петербург https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-sankt-peterburg-msy.ru Не ждите чуда. Вдруг это спасёт чью-то жизнь.
Honestly impressed, did not expect to find this level of care on the topic, and a stop at progresswithforwardintent cemented the impression, you can tell within the first few paragraphs whether a site is going to be worth the time and this one delivered on that early promise nicely throughout the rest of what I read.
Доброго времени суток. Мой брат уже неделю в запое. Соседи уже начали звонить в полицию. Скорая не приезжает на такие вызовы. Итог, выручила эта служба — недорогой вывод из запоя в Санкт-Петербурге. К утру человек пришёл в норму. В общем, цены и телефон тут — круглосуточный вывод из запоя нарколог 24 https://vyvod-iz-zapoya-na-domu-sankt-peterburg-rpl.ru Не тяните. Перешлите тем, кто в беде.
Всем привет из северной столицы. Мой брат уже шестой день в запое. Мать плачет. В диспансер тащить — позор. Короче, единственные, кто приехал быстро — вывод из запоя цены доступные. Приехали через 30 минут. В общем, вся инфа и контакты по ссылке — вывод из запоя цены вывод из запоя цены Звоните прямо сейчас. Перешлите тем, кто в беде.
Now considering writing a longer note about the post somewhere, and a look at focusacceleration added more material for that note, content that prompts me to write rather than just consume is content with generative energy and this site is producing that generative effect for me at a higher rate than most sources.
Really like that the writer trusts the reader to follow simple logic without restating every previous point, and a stop at dylcane kept that respect going, treating an audience as capable adults rather than as people who need constant hand holding makes a noticeable difference in the reading experience for me.
Reading this prompted me to send the link to two different people for two different reasons, and a stop at directionsharpensfocus provided ammunition for a third share, content that suits multiple audiences without being generic enough to be useless to any of them is genuinely valuable and this site has that multi audience quality clearly.
A piece that prompted a small mental rearrangement of how I order related ideas, and a look at coppercovemerchantgallery extended that rearranging effect, content that affects the structure of my thinking rather than just adding to it is content with the deepest kind of impact and this site is reaching that depth for me today.
Reading this triggered a small reorganisation of my own thinking on the topic, and a stop at agaveamber furthered that reorganisation, content that affects the shape of my mental model rather than just decorating it with new facts is content with structural rather than informational impact and this site provides that.
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Thanks for the moderate length, neither so short it skips substance nor so long it bloats, and a stop at growthmovesforward hit the same balance, the right length is one of the hardest things to calibrate in blog writing and I appreciate when a team has clearly thought about it rather than defaulting.
Coming to this with low expectations and being pleasantly surprised by the substance, and a stop at momentumovernoise continued exceeding expectations, the recalibration of expectations upward across multiple positive readings is one of the actual rewards of careful browsing and this site is providing that recalibration at a steady rate apparently.
Better than most of the writing I have come across on this topic recently, simpler and more direct, and a look at clarityguidesmotion continued in that same way, a real outlier in a crowded space full of repetitive content that says little while taking up a lot of reader time today which is unfortunate.
Honest take is that I will probably forget most of what I read online today but this post is one I will remember, and a stop at intentionalprogression kept that same memorable quality going, certain writing leaves a residue in the mind in a way most content simply does not manage.