どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。
あ、Youtubeも見てね！
「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
（↑つまりドライアイ）
今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。
恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる
とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。
いやいやいや！
あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと？
んなわけあるかい！って。
取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。
もっとシンプルでいいのに。
「他の人との違いは何か？」
これでいいじゃん。
たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。
僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー！って思う。
でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
なんでか？
これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。
「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない＝自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。
自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。
だけど、
好きになってもらえない＝価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。
だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。
そういう保険だ。
いやいやいや！
無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ！
（↑なに言ってんだコイツ）
何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない＝価値がない」
の思い込みが違うんだよ。
「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。
恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。
”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。
それは間違いない。
取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。
・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い
こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。
これを忘れずにいこう。
「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。
表現を換えれば・・・
あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。
ただ、それだけのこと。
ではでは！
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中！
コメント
Now noticing how rare it is to find a site that does not feel rushed, and a look at nolarotrustee extended that calm pace, content produced without time pressure has a different quality than content shipped to meet a deadline and this site reads as written without urgency which produces a different and better experience for readers.
Thanks for the honest framing without exaggerated claims that the topic will change my life, and a stop at brainsight-reeracoen kept the same modest tone, restraint in marketing language signals trustworthiness and the writers here are clearly playing the long game by building credibility rather than chasing immediate clicks through hyperbole.
Reading this prompted a small note in my reference file, and a stop at pinellasehe prompted another, the rare site that contributes useful nuggets to my own working knowledge rather than just consuming my attention is worth the time investment many times over compared to the usual pile of forgettable scroll content.
Glad I stumbled across this post, the explanations actually make sense without needing background knowledge to follow along, and after a stop at threebakingsheetstothewind the same was true there, no assumptions about the reader just clear writing that anyone can understand from the first line right through to the end.
Genuinely useful read, the points are practical and easy to apply right away, and a quick look at skibumart confirmed that this site is consistent in that approach, looking forward to digging through the rest of it when I get the chance to sit down properly later in the week or this weekend.
Bookmarking this for later, the kind of resource I want to keep nearby, and a quick look at tranquilleeyecream confirmed the rest of the site is worth the same treatment, definitely going into my reference folder for the next time the topic comes up at work or in conversation with someone who asks.
Reading this slowly in the morning before opening email, and a stop at powerupwny extended that protected attention, content that earns the prime morning reading slot before the daily distractions begin is content with elevated status and this site has earned that prime slot consistently in my recent reading habits clearly.
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Will share this on a forum I am part of where it will be appreciated by others working in the same area, and a look at hawaiineiartcontest suggests there is more here worth passing along too, definitely a generous resource that deserves a wider audience than it probably has today across the open internet.
Found the rhythm of the prose particularly enjoyable on this read through, and a look at DeathRayVision kept that musical quality going across the related pages, sentence rhythm is something most blog writers ignore but it makes a real difference in how content lands with the careful reader who cares.
Bookmark folder created specifically for this site, and a look at maveroline confirmed the dedicated folder was the right call, dedicated folders for individual sites are a level of organisation I rarely deploy and this site has earned that level of dedicated tracking based on the consistency I have seen so far across sessions.
I appreciate the clarity here, everything is explained in simple terms without unnecessary detail, and after a quick stop at Letter4Reform the points came together nicely for me, the writing keeps things straightforward and respects the reader from start to finish without ever talking down to anyone.
Bookmark added in three places to make sure I do not lose the link, and a look at ChelseaBarracksKitchen got the same redundant treatment, sites I am afraid to lose are the rare keepers and this is clearly one of them based on what I have read so far across this and a couple of related posts.
Saving this link for the next time someone asks me about this topic, and a look at bighappenshere expanded what I will be sharing with them, this is the kind of resource that makes a real difference when you are trying to point a friend to something useful and reliable rather than generic marketing pages.
A small thank you note from me to the team behind this work, the post earned it, and a stop at MasquePourVous suggested more thanks would be in order over time, recognising the people who do good writing online is something I try to remember to do because the alternative is silence and silence rewards mediocrity unfortunately.
Слушайте кто знает Близкий человек уже несколько дней в запое Родственники не знают что делать Таблетки не помогают Короче, единственный кто реально помог — врач нарколог на дом с капельницей Осмотрел и поставил капельницу В общем, телефон и цены тут — врач нарколог на дом платный врач нарколог на дом платный Нарколог на дом — это реальный выход Перешлите тем кто в такой же ситуации
A piece that demonstrated competence without performing it, and a look at choice-eats maintained the same self assured but unshowy register, the gap between competence and performance of competence is one I track and this site has clearly chosen to demonstrate rather than perform which I find much more persuasive as a reader.
Reading this confirmed a hunch I had been carrying about the topic without having articulated it, and a stop at hopprojects extended the confirmation, content that gives shape to fuzzy intuitions is doing the rare work of making private thoughts public and this site is providing that articulating service consistently for me lately.
Picked this site to mention to a colleague who would benefit, and a look at crownaboutnow added more material I will pass along, recommending sites to colleagues is a higher bar than recommending to friends because the professional context demands more careful curation and this site cleared the professional bar without me having to think.
Took something from this I did not expect to find, and a stop at morixoholdings added another unexpected useful piece, content that exceeds expectations rather than just meeting them is the kind that builds enthusiasm and earns repeat visits without any explicit ask from the writer or platform behind the work being read.
This filled in a gap in my understanding that I had not even noticed was there, and a stop at votethurm did the same, the kind of post that gives you more than you expected when you first clicked through from somewhere else, a real find for anyone curious about the area covered here.
https://apartmentsamui.com/
Reading this triggered a small change in how I think about the topic going forward, and a stop at hellgate100nyc reinforced that subtle shift, the rare content that actually moves my thinking rather than just confirming or filling it is the kind I most value and this site is providing that kind of impact today.
Now considering the post as evidence that careful blog writing is still possible, and a look at stktgroup extended that evidence, the broader question of whether the modern web can sustain quality writing has obvious empirical answers in sites like this one and seeing them is reassuring even when they remain a minority overall today.
Worth recommending broadly to anyone who reads on the topic, and a look at kryvoxcore only confirms that, the rare combination of accessibility and depth in this site makes it suitable for both newcomers and people who already know the area which is hard to pull off in any blog format today and rarely managed.
Decided to set aside time later to read more carefully, and a stop at flourandoak reinforced that decision, content that earns a calendar entry rather than just a passing read is in a different tier altogether and this site is clearly working at that elevated level which I really do appreciate as a reader today.
Picked a single sentence from this post to remember, and a look at quvexacapital gave me another to keep, content that produces memorable lines is doing more than just transferring information and the small selection of sentences I keep from each reading session is one of the actual returns I get from reading carefully.
Народ всем привет В офисах очереди и нервотрёпка А в итоге всё равно переплачиваешь Короче, быстро и без гемора — оформить осаго с электронным полисом Полис пришел на почту сразу В общем, сохраняйте себе — как застраховать машину онлайн осаго через интернет как застраховать машину онлайн осаго через интернет Оформляйте ОСАГО онлайн выгодно Перешлите тому у кого машина
Екатеринбург, всем привет Муж просто потерял себя Дети напуганы В больницу тащить страшно Короче, единственный кто реально помог — нарколог на дом круглосуточно без выходных Дал рекомендации и успокоил семью В общем, не потеряйте контакты — платный нарколог на дом платный нарколог на дом Нарколог на дом — это реальный выход Перешлите тем кто в такой же ситуации
Really grateful for content like this, it does not waste my time and it does not insult my intelligence either, and a quick look at quinttatro was the same, balanced respectful writing that makes a person feel welcome rather than rushed through pages of forced engagement just to keep clicking around.
Thanks for keeping the writing direct without losing the warmth that makes content feel human, and a stop at larkfest2013 carried both qualities forward, balancing professionalism and personality is a rare skill and the writers here have clearly figured out how to consistently land it across many posts which I notice.
Such writing is increasingly rare and worth supporting through attention, and a stop at GoesToTown extended that supportive attention across more pages, the conscious choice to spend time on sites that produce careful work rather than convenient consumption is itself a small form of patronage and this site is receiving that conscious patronage from me.
A piece that read smoothly because the writer understood how readers actually move through prose, and a look at walkunchained maintained the same reader awareness, writers who think about the reading experience as much as the writing experience produce better work and this site has clearly made that shift in editorial approach.
A well calibrated piece that knew its scope and stayed inside it, and a look at trabas007hoki maintained the same scope discipline, scope creep is one of the failure modes of long blog posts and this site has clearly invested in the editorial discipline to prevent it which shows up in tightly contained pieces.
The use of plain language without dumbing down the topic was really well done, and a look at caskadekitchenandbar continued in that same accessible style, this is something many technical writers fail at because they either confuse their readers or condescend to them but here neither problem appears at all which is impressive really.
Will be sharing this with a couple of people who care about the topic, and a stop at moeinclub added more material worth passing along, the kind of site that is generous with quality content and does not make you jump through hoops to access it which is appreciated more than the team probably realises.
Now setting up a small reminder to revisit the site on a slow day, and a stop at stacoa confirmed the reminder was a good idea, planning return visits is a small organisational act that signals trust in ongoing quality and this site has earned that planned return through consistent performance across the pieces I have read so far.
Generally I am cautious about recommending sites on first encounter but this one warrants the exception, and a look at fivestarlandandlivestock reinforced the exception making, the rare site that justifies breaking my normal cautious approach is the rare site worth flagging early and this one has prompted exactly that early flagging response from me.
Great work on keeping things readable, the post never drags or repeats itself which I really appreciate, and a stop at republicw4 added a bit more context that fit naturally with what was already said here, no need to read everything twice to get the point being made today.
Closed the post with a small satisfied sigh, and a stop at sjydtech produced the same gentle exhale, content that ends well is content that respects the rhythm of reading and the writers here have clearly thought about how their pieces close rather than just trailing off when they run out of things to say.
Reading this slowly in the morning before opening email, and a stop at covidtest-cyprus extended that protected attention, content that earns the prime morning reading slot before the daily distractions begin is content with elevated status and this site has earned that prime slot consistently in my recent reading habits clearly.
More original than the recycled takes I keep finding on the topic elsewhere, and a quick look at stevieandbrucelive confirmed it, the kind of site that has its own voice rather than echoing whatever is trending which makes it stand out as a refreshing change from the usual rotation of generic content I see daily.
Now feeling that this site is the kind I want to make sure does not disappear, and a look at cs-nippon-cp reinforced that quiet protective feeling, the rare sites whose disappearance would actually matter to me are the sites I want to support through return visits and recommendations and this one has joined that small protected list.
Strong recommendation, anyone interested in this topic owes themselves a visit, and a stop at imprintregistry extends that recommendation across more of the site, this is the kind of resource that makes me more optimistic about the state of the open web than I usually am these days actually for once which is genuinely refreshing.
Worth recognising the specific care that went into how this post ended, and a look at MeetKateMarshall maintained the same careful conclusions, endings are where most blog content falls apart and this site has clearly invested in the closing stretches of its pieces rather than letting them simply trail off when energy fades.
Coming back tomorrow when I can give this a proper read, the post deserves better attention than I can give right now, and a look at kavionbond suggests there is plenty more here that deserves the same treatment, definitely a site I will be exploring properly over the next few days when I can.
Once I had read three posts the editorial pattern was clear, and a look at fearlessfoodrd confirmed the pattern from a fourth angle, sites where the underlying approach reveals itself through accumulated reading rather than being announced are sites with real depth and this one has that quality clearly visible across multiple pieces consistently.
A particular pleasure to read this with a fresh coffee, and a look at zorivocore extended the pleasure across more pages, content that pairs well with quiet morning rituals is something I have come to value highly and this site has the kind of energy that fits naturally into a calm reading routine.
Reading this gave me the rare experience of fully agreeing with all the conclusions, and a stop at holyspiritschooleg continued that agreement pattern, content that aligns with my existing views without seeming designed to do so is just content that happens to be reasonable and this site reads as reasonable rather than ideological mostly.
Bookmark earned and shared the link with one specific person who would care, and a look at qulavotrust got the same targeted share, sharing carefully rather than broadcasting is a discipline I try to maintain and this site is generating shares from me at a sustainable rate rather than the spam rate of viral content.