どうも、小野田です。
最近Youtubeで『嫌われる勇気』の本の解説シリーズを出してて、
アドラー心理学について考えることが多くなってます。
あ、Youtubeも見てね！
「目から鱗・・・かと思ったらコンタクトだった」
っていう経験ができるはず。
（↑つまりドライアイ）
今回は、このアドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめてみようと思う。
恋愛が成功する方法、というよりは、
「嫉妬」とか「不安」への向き合い方って意味で考えてみる。
アドラー心理学を恋愛に当てはめる
とある女性の恋愛相談に乗ってたとき、
「私にはなんの取り柄もないから、どうしたらいいか分かんない」
って言ってたんですよ。
いやいやいや！
あなたそれ、
「私には他の人との違いが何もない」ってこと？
んなわけあるかい！って。
取り柄、って考えるから難しくなる。
ハードル高く感じる。
「こんなの取り柄なんて言えないよ」って気持ちになる。
もっとシンプルでいいのに。
「他の人との違いは何か？」
これでいいじゃん。
たとえば「お洒落が好き」
これだって立派な取り柄だ。
僕はファッションに疎くて、
ユニクロとかGUでシンプルなの買って着てればいいや、
って感じだから、ファッションに詳しい人は純粋にスゲー！って思う。
でも多くの人は、
そういうのを「取り柄」って言わないんだよね。
なんでか？
これをアドラー心理学で考えると、
「保険」をかけてるからだ。
「自分には取り柄がある」って言わなければ、
もし上手くいかなかったとき、自分に言い訳できるから。
「だって自分には取り柄ないんだからしょうがないよね」って。
この思考パターンの裏側には、
【好きになってもらえない＝自分には価値がない】
っていう思い込みがある。
自分に取り柄があると思うことは、
自分に価値があると思うことでもある。
だけど、
好きになってもらえない＝価値がない、
って思い込みがあると、
上手くいかなかったときに自分を否定されることになる。
だったら、最初から取り柄がないことにして
自分には価値がないことにしておけば、
上手くいかなかったときのダメージは少ない。
そういう保険だ。
いやいやいや！
無かったことにするのは取り柄じゃなくて鳥居だけにしとこうよ！
（↑なに言ってんだコイツ）
何が言いたいかっていうと、
そもそも「好きになってもらえない＝価値がない」
の思い込みが違うんだよ。
「合わなかった」
ただそれだけのこと。
恋人に振られたとしても、
価値がないわけじゃない。
”相手の求めてる価値が違ってただけ”なんだよ。
あなたには、価値がある。
あなたには、取り柄がある。
それは間違いない。
取り柄っていうとハードル高く聞こえるけど、
ちょっとしたことだって取り柄。
・服が好き
・マンガが好き
・ゲームが好き
・本が好き
・外で遊ぶの好き
・家で映画観てるの好き
・笑いのツボが浅い
こういうのぜーーんぶ、取り柄。
こういうのも取り柄だってことが腑に落ちれば、
嫉妬の感情も減る。
これを忘れずにいこう。
「嫌われる」とか「振られる」は、
表現が重たいだけだ。
表現を換えれば・・・
あなたが持ってる価値と
相手の”求めてる価値”が違っただけ。
ただ、それだけのこと。
ではでは！
◆LINE＠も好評です◆
技術ばかりに偏るコミュニケーション教材に疑問を感じ、
心×身体×技術
＝コミュニケーション力
そんな信念から、心と身体を整え
伝え方の技術も磨くために、
脳科学、東洋医学、哲学、心理学など
最高レベルの情報を惜しみなく発信してます。
期間限定で電子書籍シリーズもプレゼント中！
コメント
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Honestly enjoyed every minute spent here, that is not something I say lightly, and a look at clarityshapesdirection confirmed I will be back, the bar for spending time online is high for me these days but this site clears it without effort which is high praise indeed from this reader who is usually rather demanding.
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Great work on keeping things readable, the post never drags or repeats itself which I really appreciate, and a stop at intentionalpathway added a bit more context that fit naturally with what was already said here, no need to read everything twice to get the point being made today.
If I had encountered this site five years ago I would have been telling everyone about it, and a look at mountmorel extended that retrospective enthusiasm, the version of me who used to recommend favourite blogs frequently would have made sure friends knew about this one and that earlier enthusiasm is partially returning to me here.
However many similar pages I have read this one taught me something new, and a stop at compassbulb added more new material, content that contributes genuinely fresh information rather than recycling what is already widely available is content with real informational value and this site is providing that informational freshness at a notable rate.
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Honestly enjoyed not being sold anything for the entire duration of the post, and a look at forwardmomentumhub kept that pleasant absence going across more pages, content that exists for its own sake rather than as a funnel to a paid product is increasingly rare and worth supporting where I can find it.
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A piece that did not try to be timeless and ended up reading as durable anyway, and a look at cleatbox extended that durable feel, content that stays useful past its publication date without straining for permanence is content that ages well and this site has the kind of evergreen quality that I value highly today.
Once I had read three posts the editorial pattern was clear, and a look at signalcreatesalignment confirmed the pattern from a fourth angle, sites where the underlying approach reveals itself through accumulated reading rather than being announced are sites with real depth and this one has that quality clearly visible across multiple pieces consistently.
If I am being honest this is the kind of site I quietly hope my own work will someday resemble, and a stop at claritynavigator extended that aspirational feeling, finding work that models what I want to produce is part of why I read carefully and this site has been performing that modelling function for me lately consistently.
Подробности внутри: https://germandic.ru/%d0%b0%d1%84%d0%b5%d1%80%d0%b0
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Recommended to anyone working in or curious about this area, the depth and clarity combine well, and a look at beigecanal keeps that going across more pages, the kind of site that earns regular visits rather than chasing trends has my respect because it suggests genuine commitment to the topic itself rather than to chasing trends.
A piece that did not try to be timeless and ended up reading as durable anyway, and a look at coilclose extended that durable feel, content that stays useful past its publication date without straining for permanence is content that ages well and this site has the kind of evergreen quality that I value highly today.
Closed and reopened the tab three times before finally finishing, and a stop at datacabin held my attention straight through, sometimes content fights for time against my own distraction and the times it wins say something positive about its quality and this post clearly won that fight today afternoon for me.
A piece that read as if the writer was thinking carefully rather than just typing fluently, and a look at zimlora continued that considered quality, the difference between fluent typing and careful thinking shows up in writing and this site reads as the product of thought rather than just the product of language fluency apparently.
Better than the average post on this subject by some distance, and a look at lyrelinden reinforced that, you can tell within the first paragraph that the writer here actually cares about the topic rather than just covering it for the sake of having something to publish that week or that day.
Reading this between meetings turned out to be the most useful thing I did all afternoon, and a stop at focusmapping kept that productivity feeling going, content can sometimes outperform actual work in terms of what gets accomplished mentally and this site managed that today which is genuinely a high bar to clear consistently.
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Will be passing this along to a few people who would benefit from the perspective shared here, and a stop at actionalignment only added to what I will be sharing, this kind of generous content deserves to circulate widely rather than getting buried in some search engine algorithm tweak that pushes it down the rankings.
Доброго дня, земляки Голова раскалывается Организм просто отказывается работать Короче, единственное что реально спасает — капельница при похмелье с препаратами Вернулся к жизни В общем, телефон и цены тут — сделать капельницу от алкоголя https://kapelnicza-ot-pokhmelya-samara-lhb.ru Капельница — это быстро и эффективно Перешлите тем кто в такой же ситуации
Solid little post, the kind that does not need to be flashy because the substance is doing the work, and a look at tilvexa kept that quiet confidence going across the site, this is what writing looks like when the writer trusts the content to land on its own without theatrics or unnecessary attention seeking behaviour.
Thanks for taking the time to write this, it is clear that some thought went into how each point would land, and after I went through claritydrive I had a better grip on the topic, real value without the usual marketing noise people have to put up with online when searching for answers.
Здорово, народ Голова раскалывается Рассол уже не лезет Короче, нашел реально работающий способ — капельница от похмелья быстрый результат Поставили капельницу с солевым раствором В общем, телефон и цены тут — прокапаться от алкоголя цены прокапаться от алкоголя цены Не мучайтесь рассолами Перешлите тем кто в такой же ситуации
Generally my attention drifts on long posts but this one held it through the end, and a stop at growthsignalpath earned the same sustained focus, content that defeats my drift tendency is content with substantive pulling power and this site has demonstrated that pulling power across multiple pieces in a session that has now run quite long actually.
Now sitting back and recognising that this was a small but real win in my reading day, and a stop at amplebuff extended that quiet win, the cumulative effect of small reading wins versus the cumulative effect of small reading losses is real over time and this site is contributing to the wins side of that ledger.
Top quality material, deserves more attention than it probably gets, and a look at qavmizo reflected the same effort across the site, a hidden gem in the modern web where most attention goes to whoever shouts loudest rather than whoever actually delivers the best content for their readers without much marketing fanfare.
Reading this triggered a small reorganisation of my own thinking on the topic, and a stop at bowclutch furthered that reorganisation, content that affects the shape of my mental model rather than just decorating it with new facts is content with structural rather than informational impact and this site provides that.
Felt slightly impressed without being able to point to one specific reason, and a look at focusnavigationhub continued that diffuse positive feeling, when content works at a level you cannot easily articulate the writer is doing something with craft rather than just delivering information and that is something I have learned to recognise.
Now adding this site to a small mental group of recommendations I keep ready for specific kinds of inquiries, and a stop at focuspowersprogress extended the recommendation readiness, content that I can confidently point friends and colleagues toward in specific contexts is content with real social utility and this site has that utility clearly.
Even across multiple posts the writers voice has remained consistent in a way I appreciate, and a stop at buzzrod continued that voice, sites that maintain editorial consistency across many pieces have something most sites lack and this one has clearly worked out how to keep its voice steady across what reads as a growing archive.
If I am being honest this is the kind of site I quietly hope my own work will someday resemble, and a stop at narrowlake extended that aspirational feeling, finding work that models what I want to produce is part of why I read carefully and this site has been performing that modelling function for me lately consistently.
Easy to recommend, the content speaks for itself without needing additional praise from me, and a stop at luxvilo only adds more reasons to send people this way, the kind of generous resource that benefits its readers without demanding anything in return is increasingly rare and worth recognising clearly today across the broader open internet.
Appreciated the way each section connected smoothly to the next without abrupt jumps, and a stop at forwardmomentumfocus kept that flow going nicely, transitions are something most blog writers ignore but the difference is huge for the reader who is trying to follow a sustained line of thought today across many different topics.
Now feeling the post has earned a proper recommendation rather than a casual mention, and a stop at directionpowersvelocity reinforced the recommendation strength, the difference between mentioning and recommending is a small editorial distinction I observe in my own conversations and this site has earned the upgraded recommendation level from me confidently today.
Quietly building a case in my head for why this site deserves more attention than it currently seems to receive, and a look at muffinmarble reinforced the case, the gap between quality and recognition is a recurring frustration in independent online content and this site is one of the cases that seems particularly egregious to me today.
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Picked up a couple of new ideas here that I can actually try out, and after my visit to probemound I have even more notes saved, this is the kind of resource that pays you back for the time you spend on it which is rare to come across in this corner of the web.
Felt the writer respected me as a reader without making a show of doing so, and a look at actionguidance continued that quiet respect, this is the kind of small but meaningful detail that separates the sites I bookmark from the ones I close after a single skim and never return to again no matter how interesting the headline.
Felt the writer was speaking my language without trying to imitate it, and a look at compasscabin continued that natural fit, when a writers default voice happens to match what you find easy to read the experience feels frictionless and that is something I notice and remember about specific sites going forward.
Здорова, народ Беда пришла в семью Жена в истерике Платная клиника — бешеные деньги Короче, только стационар реально помог — наркологические услуги в стационаре полный комплекс Капельницы и препараты подбирали индивидуально В общем, жмите чтобы сохранить — наркологические центры москвы цены https://narkologicheskij-staczionar-moskva-gsh.ru Не надейтесь что само пройдёт Перешлите тем кто в отчаянии
Liked the balance between depth and brevity, never too shallow and never too long, and a stop at zornexo kept the same balance going across the rest of the site, this is one of the harder skills in writing and the team here clearly has it figured out very well indeed across every page.
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Bookmark added with a small note about why, and a look at bookcliff prompted another bookmark with another note, the bookmarks I annotate are the ones I expect to return to deliberately rather than stumble into and this site is generating annotated bookmarks at a higher rate than my usual content sources by some margin.
Found this through a friend who recommended it and now I see why, and a look at parchmodel only strengthened that recommendation in my own mind, word of mouth still works for content that actually delivers and this site is clearly earning recommendations the old fashioned way through quality rather than marketing.
A nicely understated post that does not shout for attention, and a look at claritycompanion maintained the same quiet quality, understatement is a stylistic choice that distinguishes serious writing from attention seeking writing and this site has clearly committed to the understated approach as a core editorial value rather than just a phase.
Worth recognising that this site does not chase the daily news cycle, and a stop at magmalong confirmed the longer publication arc, sites that resist the pressure to comment on every passing event are sites with genuine editorial discipline and this one has clearly chosen depth over volume which I respect deeply.